Hey whatami, good positive post today and its great to read how much progress you have made. I wish you well with the move, this time last week we were going to pull our house off the market due to lack of viewings. However the next day we got a viewing followed by an offer and on Friday our dream family home came on the market. We made a few offers and finally yesterday we got our final offer accepted. Its been stressful and will no doubt get even more stressful, but it will hopefully be the last time we move. I hope you get some good news on your offer. Keep up the fight!
Day 27, just a day shy of 4 weeks. All is well, so many more important things in my life than gambling, it's just a shame I chose to ignore for the 'fun' of gambling. Counselor meeting this evening, I think I have 2 or 3 more after tonight. Been spending on food shopping again - super mundane, but quite cool for a wastrel like me!
"One's too many and a hundred ain't enough"
Day 28 - four weeks of not gambling. I looked back at my bank statement yesterday and instead of entry and entry for bookmakers there was just normal spending. My last entry to a bookmaker was 11th February (because they take a couple of days to process).
Had an interesting discussion with my counselor last night when we talked about my outstanding debt which my wife knows nothing about. My counselor thought I should 'explore' the idea of telling her. I explained that I had already given it a significant amount of thought, but that at this present time, what with selling our flat and looking for a new home, as I am dealing with it and it should be paid off within 3 months, I see no reason to burden her with it. I see no benefit in it. My wife knows I have lied and cheated in the past, that wouldn't be news to her, and the uncertainty which would unfold as a result of telling her now could cause life-changing damage to our family unit. Yes, it means there is a secret there, but we all have different secrets in our lives to one degreee or another and that doesn't make us bad people. IF I wasn't feeling as good as I am now and confident I can see the next few months through, then things might be different, because in my new frame of mind, I know I would not be being fair to misled my wife. Anyway, the conversation went round in circles a bit and I have thought on it some more since, but I will not be altering my course.
Day 29 and all is well. Bits of money coming in from here and there, for surveys, cashback sites and expenses. For a very long time, that would have meant only one thing, but right now, it just means having some more money in my account to pay for important things ... which is handy with Mother's Day coming up! Yes, there is still a bit of an urge to spend it as soon as it is there, but that urge is another I seem to be able to control at the moment.
Day 30 and a lovely sunny one it is too. A trip to the farmer's market, then the playing fields, then home to do some model making (all with the kids you understand!) I think the 'living in the moment' of mindfulness is helping recognise the good things in life and it's drowning out gambling's call at the moment.
Day 31 - nothing new to report here, ready to kick on and push into the next arbitrary division of the calendar year!
Great to read more positive entries to yourdiary. I agree with you about not telling your wife about the debt, if its going to be paid off in 3 months then why trouble her. Hope you enjoyed the farmers market, these are simple things that we can enjoy so much more in recovery. I look forward to my boy getting older so I can have an excuse to building some model planes or boats with him. Keep up the fight!
Hello diary! Day 32 and the only pounds I am losing are the ones around my waistline. More than happy with things being that way on both counts. Yet again this morning I found myself walking back from the shops having just bought a few bits and bobs, thinking, "where is that creature that would have HAD to top-up his bank account with some of the cash in his pocket so he could have a punt?" It's SO weird, that that part of me seems to have just vanished. It's not complacency though, if anything it's then opposite. I am hyper-aware of how I feel right now, not wanting anything to do with gambling and having no use of purpose for it. BUT, I know from experience that could change. Need to keep my wits about me, but feeling jolly good and will continue to enjoy being gamble free.
Day 33 and a poorly kid at home :o( She's been under the weather for a couple of days now. Breaks your heart to see them hurting. Very much gambling free and that with about £150 of available cash to my name, so still very pleased with that. Think I *might* have got collared at a speed trap, which won't be so good, but can't really argue about that. A fact is a fact. IF the bill does lend on the doormat, at least I know there won't be a little devil on my shoulder telling me I "can win the cost of that and the increased insurance premium, so don't worry." I will just have to accept it as one of those things.
Hi Whatami!
Well done on 34 days gamble free! Just wanted to thank you for you posts on my diary, if definitely helps when you are tempted to go back down the slippery slope and provides motivation not to.
Looks like you are doing really well and feeling like gambling doesn't even interest you now. Also good to see you know this can change at any moment! We've got to stay on our guard all the time. I think it's hard for a gambler to admit that no form of gambling will ever be possible again. It's certainly something I struggled with especially the situations were gambling is so sociallly accpetable.
Keep up the good work mate, sounds like you are doing great
Take care
James
Yep, Day 34. Thanks for your post James. Off to see my counselor for our regular Wednesday night get together. Still continuing to look after myself healthwise, having only had a total of two Jelly Babies in the last 3 weeks and cutting out all treats and snacks. Blood pressure is also dropping, obviously also helped by the lack of stress from gambling (or the hiding thereof). All in all, very difficult to complain about where I am at the moment. I've waited a long time to feel this comfortable in my own skin, so I've gonna enjoy it (albeit minus Easter Eggs this year!)
Hey what am I
Lovely to hear that you are feeling really comfortable in your skin. Gambling can make lots of people feel like they are often having an out of body experience, especially when the destruct button is pressed in a flash! One things for sure, when we become abstinent, the stress and strain on our bodies reduces so much so I can understand why you are feeling this way now.
I am 10 days behind you. Let's keep striding ahead together and hopefully, I will always be chasing after you!
Take care and love the skin you are in.
Our Lady.
Thank you Our Lady for your very kind words. Day 35 now, so five weeks. Had another counseling session last night, just two remaining now. It was very productive again and helped me understand the correlation between my abstention and diet, and that they are both sides of the same coin. It's about being good to myself, and feeling good about myself. We explored the "where next" when I reach the weight I'd like, what would I replace that "being good to myself" with? By then with any luck we should have moved house, so there will be plenty of opportunity to get involved in DIY and kitting out the new house - the kids and I very much favour sound-proofing a room, garage or shed and converting it into a music room. I just need to make sure I keep being kinder to myself and remembering addiction wasn't something I chose. We all have the power to beat this condition, it's just we have to discover it first.
Day 36. Busy, busy day yesterday. Knew I had to work late but was expecting to finish before midnight ... no way, it was 4:30am! Gearing up for 10 lots of viewings over the weekend, so hopefully by early next week we'll have some decent offers on our flat? First punters in the door at 2 today, so been busy hoovering and cleaning and trying to make the place smell fresh (not easy as it's not been lived in for six months). Fingers crossed!
Being back in our old place overnight and this morning and having been at a bit of a loose end, it did start me thinking about paying a visit to the arcade here. It was quite a serious consideration to be honest, probably 4 or 5 times I questioned myself. But each time, the answer was "no, it's not worth it" but, yes, I was definitely still interested in the idea. I hope that fades away again? I have always thought of fruit machines as more of a form of entertainment (albeit a very expensive form) then out-and-out gambling. Not sure why, and I know it's really not true either, it was probably just an excuse?
Day 37. The 12th prime number in recovery and also the number of slots on a European routlette wheel, which alas I think will be more widely known by CGs.
Entertaining the kids today as their Mum is on a course. Kinda nice they are happy with a trip to see the bunnies in Pets at Home and to push the trolley round the supermarket. They are happy watching Paddington now and maybe we might nick a bit of time in the rec later? Still gamble free and planning to keep it that way!
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