Ready to start this path again

Well done Samorgo. Really great to see things moving in the right direction for you!

Day 80... and still strong.

Today I went swimming for the first time in years. In my gambling days I wouldn't have wasted £4.30 (it would have seemed like a waste of money that I couldn't afford!) but I enjoyed it despite it showing me how unfit I have become. Never mind everyone's got to start somewhere and now I have a baseline the only way is fitter!

Life is infinitely better without gambling. It's not easy to make the move but to anyone reading this still in the grips of the gambling demon turn your back on it and start living. Put the blocks in place, believe that abstinence is possible and enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

I'm getting closer to the GA goal of 90 days then it'll be on to 100... roll on... I'm not going back to the hell that my life had become when gambling ruled my life. I'm in charge now and I want to really live.

Day 90!!! I have made it to the magic 90 days! That's not to say it's been plain sailing and if I am honest without the physical blocks I have no doubt that I would have gambled again. Each time money is tight and I think about the debt I am in I feel like I want to gamble - that one big win would sort everything... then I remember how I got into this mess in the first place.

I still feel ashamed and guilty but I now understand my addicition and my only choice is abstinence. I have to keep on fighting because life is, and will continue to be, better without gambling in my life.

Congratulations on 90 days. Amazing achievement. 100 days just round the corner but as the old adage goes - 1 day at a time.

Whoop whoop. 92 days!! Well done Samorgo, doing absolutely awesomely.

You are soooo right. Total abstinence is absolutely the only way forward.

Have a great weekend 🙂

Hi Samorgo.

I’ve been reading your stories this morning and just want to say a massive congratulations to you on your progress and journey!

This thread is so inspirational and I take my hat off to you for all of your hard work and efforts to be GF. 90 days is only something I can aspire to right now so well done. I’m happy recognising that I am a third of the way there 🙂

Keep it up and keep sharing, it is the beacon of hope that we all need to push through!

Thank you! Sjr x

Day 100!!! I thought this day would never come! Back on day 1 i knew i had to give up for good this time but i still didnt believe that i would make it this far.

Thank you to all of you who have shown me kindness, warmth and compassion. We all know this isnt easy but i hope i can inspire you to keep going.

My life today is totally different to 100 days ago. I sleep at night, i spend time with my loved ones rather than being glued to my laptop and i dont worry as much as i did about money. I still have a lot of debt but it will go down and im not adding to it anymore and making it worse. I no longer have to lie (or hide the truth) and i feel calmer and happier in myself. This hasnt been easy but it is worth it.

There are still times (most often when im stressed or worried about money) when i do think about gambling but those thoughts are less and less frequent. It is still one day at a time but with each day that passes im less likely to go back to that hellish way of life and i am one step closer to the best life i can have.

I know i have to be vigilant as i accept i am an addict and i know how quickly addicts can be lured back into the trap but this time the blocks are in place and my head is in a different place - these days i accept quite happily that i will never gamble again and rather than feeling anxious about that statement i feel calmed and reassured. Thats how i know this time is different.

Thanks again for all of your support x

Hi Samorgo,

I’ve been following your diary for a while now, as I can empathise with so many of the things that you post. To see you hit the magic 100 has literally made my day complete (and it’s only just gone 9 in the morning!).

A mahoosive well done you. Keep up the awesome work!! 🙂

Thanks ukds that was really lovely , sorry i didnt see it sooner 🙂

Today is 110 days and im so happy. I still feel gutted by the debt ive created but im starting to feel proud of the changes ive made.

Gambling made my life hell in ways i may never fully realise but each day of freedom makes me wonder why i ever did it to myself. My life isnt perfect but this morning i feel much more positive as i reflect on the strength ive had over the past 110 days.

Now i need to apply that positivity and strength into other areas of my life. Im strong, i can do anything i put my mind to. My life will get better day by day, my life is getting better day by day.

Hi Samorgo,

And so you should feel proud of yourself!

I sometimes think back and remember vividly that dark feeling of helplessness that grew with every new relapse. I had reached the point where I’d stopped trying to give up. Not physically, I was still constantly gambling then self excluding but mentally. The devil in my ear had won the battle, I had accepted this was just how life was going to be.

What turned things around for me I’m not exactly sure, I suspect an accumulation of factors, but three months ago something changed in me. I knew things were different but not why they were. I’d felt determined and strong on plenty of previous occasions, this time was just different.

I’m not sure if I’ve made any sense with my above ramblings! 🙂

One thing has become clear though, and as cheesy as this would’ve sounded to me 3 months ago, we are definitely on a ‘journey’ as we fight this. I am discovering new things about myself all the time and it not only helps fight the cause, I find it is also very therapeutic. For instance I recently noticed a complete inability to be able to conjure up images of spinning reels. Something that occupied my mind constantly for years beforehand. I believe my mind, in re-wiring itself, is simply not allowing it. Like a defence mechanism. Really weird.

Keep up the great work, you’re smashing it.

Thanks ukds. Your ramblings made perfect sense to me as it mirrors my feelings this time round too... something is just different... i dont know why or how but im really pleased it is! Keep going - youre doing great!

115 days clear for me now and not tempted in the slightest. Still gutted and disguisted by the debt but im just going to have to live with it for years to come so trying not to dwell on it.

For once in my adult life im looking to the future and not living on the hope that ill get another big win to make everything ok. Id be lying if i said im excited by whats in store... tbh im nervous, anxious even. Just recently ive realised that i am lacking in confidence. I come across as confident but thats just an act. I really want the life that other people probably think ive got (not realising i have to scrape by because of the debt). I want to clear the debt, lose weight, take pride in my appearance, get fit, have a lovely home, travel the world, enjoy a career... i suppose these are all possible now gambling isnt in my life. Theres no quick fix but a genuine chance to start again.

I feel sad that ive only realised this is possible at the age of 37. I wish i had recognised it 15 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago... ive wasted so much of my life. Like the money lost i have to accept that ill never get that time back but hey this is asecond chance and one im not going to waste. Enough talking, time for action! Ill let you know how it goes!

Hi Samorgo,

Yep, I get what you mean about wishing I’d stopped earlier. But then I always think, yes but imagine if I were ten years older again. In that respect, age really is irrelevant. Unless we get well into our 80s still gambling heavily, then we shouldn’t really worry about what’s been and what could’ve been. I’ve got 12 years on you if that makes you feel better! 😉 By the time you get to my age, you could easily have (and had done) all those great things you talked about wanting to do and have.

I count myself lucky that whilst I have built up a substantial debt that needs paying off, I have also built up a fast growing business and now earn decent money. At times it does annoy me to think that I would also be living mortgage free with a healthy sum to invest had I given up earlier, but that’s just not how things turned out. I keep reminding myself, it’s all about the now and the future.

I’ve got a few things planned for the rest of the summer to keep me occupied in my precious free time and to focus on new goals...

Get back into fitness (it seems to have taken a bit of a back seat recently!).

Put into action what I’m currently reading. A scary thought but it means waking up (with no snooze allowed) every morning, at least an hour earlier, and cramming that hour full of positive things. Meditation, visualisations, exercise, cold showers. It’s a bit ‘out there’ but I fancy giving it a shot. At least until I get hypothermia from the showers!

Keep up the amazing work and let me know how it goes for you, putting your things into action as well.

Thanks as always for your comment ukds and hope youre still going strong gf and with your early morning rituals!

I cant believe it but ive made it to 130 days without gambling. Its so strange because it feels like it was only yesterday that gambling was ruininhg my life but at the same time it feels like i havent gambled in years. Still no urge to go back to that way of existing and these days id rather put what little spare money i have towards paying off the debts.

I know i dont post on here very often but marking milestones keeps me accountable and allows me to feel proud of my achievement as i havent shared it with others.

Im starting to realise just how much gambling has cost me but also how much better my life is without it. My self esteem and confidence had been ripped to shreds but slowly its coming back to me. Maybe its because im more proud of my actions now. Theres still a long way to go to how i want to be (physically and mentally) and how i want my life to be but i know that its heading in the right direction and i never want to go back to the existence i had when i was gambling.

Hi Samorgo,

Great to see you doing so well. Yep, my early morning rituals are going pretty well thanks. Meditation is a part of it and I am really starting to enjoy the benefits as well.

I do also find that checking into this forum periodically is very helpful and undoubtedly has helped me keep on the straight and narrow.

Keep up the inspirational work and stay strong!

Thanks ukds. Im glad to hear all is going well with you. I definitely agree with the benefits of checking in here from time to time. Although i dont post often i do take time at least once a week to read some of the posts as there are so many inspirational stories on here.

This morning is the first time ive had thoughts of gambling in such a long time. I know why... im due to go on holiday soon and im worried about money. In the past i would have been straight on my favoutite site (or any one i wasnt excluded from in the later stages!) hoping to win big but making my situation worse with each spin.

This time is different. I will be 20 weeks clear on friday and although id love a genuine injection of cash i know that gambling is not a way of making money. Its ridiculous that in the end i wasnt even enjoying playing those wretched games! Im not even tempted to log in this morning and even if i was i have the physical blocks in place these days. It feels so good to be so clear headed and in control.

Yes ill end up spending on my credit card while were away but i know that i will clear the debt in time. Each month there is a dent in the debt, at the moment it is tiny but for the first time in years its going down, not up, each month so a small amount of holiday spending on there wont kill me!!

Ill catch up when im back... by then ill be very close to 5 months clear... i wonder will the buzz of reaching another milestone ever wear off?!