Start again ;(

Thanks Suzanne.
Day 581. Successfully negotiated Wednesday by going to the cinema although it's next to the casino lol. Went with other half so no chance of a punt lol.
Have a great day.
Steve.

Thanks Steve x

And look at me whoops yet again lol, it's 581 today, that's even better when we get past the 0 lol.

Good choice going to the flicks with your OH, (even if its next to the casino lol) you kicked it well hard when you walked straight past it, 0)))

Xxx

585 today Steve, (I hope lol) you know what my adding up is like,

Staying firmly 39 behind you,

luv Suzanne xxx

Just read that back, meant my counting not you not getting to an amazing 585 days (but you know that ) xxxx

Xxx

587 today Steve,

Have a good strong gambling free Wednesday.

luv Suzanne xxx

Day 588.
Casino again last night. This time for a good hour watching people play. I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment. I had £140 in my pocket but watching people win/lose left me with two questions. One. If I win will my life be any better or can I win an amount that will change my life....NO. Two. If I lose will my life be worst??? YES!
So I decided to walk again! A good decision but how many times can this go on.
588 days and I have strong urges at the moment.
I have to stay strong.
Steve.

Morning Steve ! Be carefull buddy , your putting yourself in an unneccesary and dangerous place ! Why risk what youv'e gained by staying away for so long ?. You seem to be testing yourself and you know full well what can happen then !. Stay well away my friend and stop adding pressure !. All the best for now Alan

Hey you :)))

What the fxck were you thinking of, actually going in with money Steve, you know what the outcome would be if you dabbled, you are not missing anything dear Steve, I repeat you are not missing anything, those thoughts are lying to you, in every way,

I totally understand you missing the rush, excitement, anticipation of just playing, and it would not be for a big win, because you know it's highly unlikely you would ever get a big win, and if you did, it would all go back and more, because you won't stop until you have got the fix out if your system. and this could take a couple of weeks of slow sell destruction mentally.

Keep strong now, this will pass, you have my number, ring me if you want to chat:))

I want to stay 39 behind you always, don't trip up now :))

luv Suzanne xxx

Hi Del, I had a moment of panic reading your post on day 588!! As someone on a mere 85 days I yearn for a time when I'll never spend a waking moment thinking of gambling OR will wake up one day and realise it all happened years ago....but reading the diaries has shown that it's very unlikely to work like that and whilst it can be demoralising to think that if I got to the stage you're at I'd still be fighting urges....it is what it is.

I wouldn't, for one second, consider lecturing you....you didn't ask to be a role model on this site [ but you are ;0) ]. I don't think you want to gamble and I hope you wont......I hope you'll avoid the cesspit that a casino is and will continue on your recovery even stronger than before.

Wishing you strength - P_K

Thank you for all your comments!
I think I am over my urges I woke up this morning feeling good with £140 still in tact. It was the fact that I am 588 days into a non gambling life that stopped me.
I think I am back on track and looking forward to 600 days!
When I was there last night I didn't want to gamble I felt nothing towards gambling, I didn't get the buzz I used to going into a casino.
I will not step foot in there again.
Steve.

Mini fist pump :0)

Lol P K,

Xx

Hi Steve,

​Old saying in GA if you hang around in a barbers eventually you're going to get a hair cut. Get yourself excluded from the place pronto! I have encountered many people who havnt placed a bet in many years begin to think they are in control & stronger than their addiction, that they can begin to let bad environments or people creep back into their lives. I have always seen it end the same way...badly. Your feeding your addiction again just by being there. It will make it stronger. You say you felt nothing while being in there. My illness would tell me that too because it wants me to continue feeding it. Dan

​

Just to say that I didn't go to the casino to test myself I went to gamble!
But when I was there I thought better of it. This is the second time I have done this in 3 weeks.
Hopefully the last.
Steve.