The beginning

Granite

Fella thanks for the kind words upon my thread,they mean a great deal and help to build my resolve in such a big way.

Regards your recent slip back into the destructive path of gambling,I think my own analysis of my return to gambling may apply to your good self, I believe for the first 22 months I stopped gambling I was 'recovering' but actually had just stopped gambling,today I feel I am 'in recovery' the difference being I have worked on the issues that made me go at it,I relentlessly pursue a gamble free life,the time between me and that next punt grows,but in hand with that I gift myself therapy of my gambling life in the same hand.

We cannot change our past, but there is no shame in admitting our shortcomings to gift our future.

The harsh lesson of having to budget is something I lived by for twenty years,not only bestowing this upon myself but I gifted financial hardship upon my family to boot.

When you get paid gift yourself fella and not the bookies,we both know addiction will come knocking when pay day arrives.

My advice answer the door and tell it to f**k off!!

As for that mantra we all by and large lived by

You changed that

You did win because you did stop.

For that be very proud

Duncs stepping forward never back

Many thanks Iwished and Duncs, I really appreciate the kind words.

More Gardening today, wet and miserable weather but great to be doing something physical rather than being slouched over a lap top all day betting on roulette. Those days are gone, I have to keep saying that to my self. Still vulnerable to bad thoughts, but fighting. With everyone's help on here things are becoming clearer.

Hi Granite

not heard from you in a few days and just wanted to say hope you and things are doing ok.

stay strong

jess

Day 3 today. Things were not good at the start of this week and I had a blip. Not good - it's happened before and that was horrible too.

Truth is the last two days I've done a lot of thinking. I know what has to be done. I've been getting phone support which has been excellent. I now must make this work. I can't afford another blip - financially and for my own well being. Got 25 quid till end of month. Got food in the cupboard and money on my Oyster card. I can do it. there is no alternative now. I blipped because I thought I could increase my budget- I couldn't because I couldn't stop.

I want to only post positive diary entries from now on.

Day 3 but soon to be many many more and each one will be a victory.

Thanks Jess. Only just seen your post on my diary. Things not perfect but I'm getting there. Good to see you are still doing well.

Day 4. one more small victory. Ok today feels like a happy day. Sun already shining, going to meet a mate this morning then into the garden this afternoon - maybe a bit of FA cup watching if it gets exciting. OK it's not ground breaking in terms of weekend entertainment - but if I get through today without gambling (which I will do) then it will be the perfect Saturday.

Day 5.

I witnessed something I felt really inspired by yesterday. I went to watch a friend do a 5k run in the local park. It was brilliant to see hundreds of people of all shapes, sizes and abilities running the race and getting support from onlookers and other runners. The sun was shining and the whole atmosphere was so positive.

I say this because I realise in recent weeks I just haven't been living any sort of life. I've avoided people except for work colleagues, and just gambled all my spare time away. So seeing so many people getting themselves off there sofas to run through a park on a Saturday morning was really inspirational.

This race happens every weekend, virtually on my doorstep. So I'm going to join in. Maybe in 2 or 3 weeks after a little bit of training. I just want to get fit and be part of something that is so positive. So that is my promise to myself on my new journey.

P.s and it's free. Whoop whoop. Win win.

Day 7. Still going strong.

Think I need to chill a bit. I left a ranty post about the betting industry on another area of the site. This is very unlike me, just feel stressed at the moment, which I guess is not surprising only 7 days in - And fed up with seeing all these adverts and posters for "responsible gambling". Oh well this thread is for my recovery, so that's what I will focus on.

Dodgy analogy warning: There is a coot near where I work, trying to build a nest. All the other geese , swans and ducks near by have already had there young. The coots nest is b******s, really rubbish - every day it is a little bit more collapsed - but the coot still tries to build a c**P nest in a c**P place using c**P. My heart goes out to Mr/Mrs Coot, because it does the same thing every year. When I see it I can't help thinking of my (ex) gambling life. If you keep doing the same old thing you keep getting the same results.

Today feels good. All in all positive.

Hey granite

Well done on the week , gotta to keep trying and that's exactly what your doing , the corner will turn

Great analogy lol , seriously though one of the most useful learnings I have found on this site is very similar , if nothing changes nothing changes

So be proud you have made that change

Castle2

Day 8. Yesterday I felt great pretty much all day - Today - not so much. Sadness/anger/regret has hit me all at once. but it will pass.

I'll get through today with no bet - I must have that better life, that will come with time.

Hi granite

I feel the same one minute feeling positive and then the next sadness anger regret negativity and it will pass what a ride we are on but we must learn as we go up and down as the ups will get more frequent than the downs

Have a strong day and think positive

Best wishes Suzanne x

Thanks granite your reply has made mefeelbetter too

It's helps to get something positive from someone I am getting through today taking one hour at a time I want to wake up tomorrow cleared headed knowing I have not gambled today that is my next goal

It's a lovely day here I will be in the garden with this site close at hand instead of slots close at hand

Take care and well done on day 8

Suzanne x

HI granite, so great to see you are doing well in your recovery so far, those days are a B*****r but you are strong enough to face them head on, look where you are now 8 days in ive just got to 24 and i tell you what it feels great and im waiting to see your posts in 2 weeks time saying the same thing to me.

good days, bad days...but most of all gamble free days, think of the money you have saved in just those 8 days rather than the money that is gone and in another 7 days you will have "doubled" what you have already saved an so on...

Bad days can eat you alive from the inside out if you let them, the question is are you going to let them?

Jess x (loved your coot analogy lol)

Blimey! I'm actually feeling seriously good. I can assure you "seriously good" isn't normally my default setting - so I'll make the most of it. Ok it's only 6:30 in the morning so a lot of day left, but even if I slump to just feeling "good" then I'll take that over gambling every time.

Day 9 of my new life.

Hi

Good for you and well done on day 9 keep feeling good it certainly beats feeling devastated and desolate after gambling

Suzanne x