The Brave New World 21st September 2014

It's day 9 and no bet. Beginning to feel normal again. I still think of betting but it is getting easier.

Firstly, congratulations on reaching day 9. I am on a similar path to you and parts of your story really resonate with me. My father suddenly died nearly 4 years ago and that saw an escalation in my gambling too. I can also win and loose big amounts in one go. I have given over control on my finances and finally accepted that I cannot win because I cannot stay stopped. Hang in there and come on to this site when that voice starts telling you about the next big win. You are doing great.

Hi Mark, thanks for the congrats and general positive message. It's nice to know I'm not alone in my path to recovery. I have many voices start up in my head, but of late the loudest voice tells me of the years of pain, anxiety, stress and loss of money.

It's Day 10 and I'm feeling really good about myself. I don't want that to change. Any form of gambling is strictly off limits. Like you my finances are controlled by my partner, and for me the introduction of K9 browers software on all my multimedia devices is massive.

I have everything in place to succeed. Looking forward to seeing my counseller tomorrow to tell of my positive 10 days.

Thanks again Mark, here's to us both staying on that path to a life that involves no gambling.

Half way through a nightshift in the office. Into Day11 and feeling positive about my new life without gambling.

My relationship with my girlfriend has dramatically improved over the past fortnight as well. I can't say how important that is to me and the relationship I have with my 2 daughters aged 5 and 1. At times my gambling has come before the welfare of my family. Not any more....

Day17 still no betting. Looking good. Still think about gambling and do find it strange when the footy is on. But also know that I would have just lost more money given the results that have occurred the past week. Lol Germany 1 Ireland 1 🙂

Off work until Friday night. See counsellor tomorrow which is key to my recovery. But the installing K9 software on all my devices is perhaps the most important step. I cannot uninstall either as requested my partner to set password on computer and pass code on iPhone. What urges that I may have quickly disappear as my subconscious knows that I cannot physically gamble. I self excluded from local casino. So everything is in place.

I will keep this software installed on devices for life. And hopefully that will be enough to keep me returning to those dark days.

Day19. I'm so so. Domestic Football weekend about to resume again. It ain't easy living these weekends without that activity that has existed on and off (mainly on) for that past 25 years.

Reading these Recovery diaries does bring it all home, and keeps me from ever returning to gambling. I seem to notice the ever constent surge of gambling adverts that now dominate our TV screens. They have absolutely no idea on what harm they can inflict to people like us who have been crippled with this horrible illness.

K9 software keeps these parasites at bay on all my devices though. Still seeing the Counseller once a week to talk over my issues. All in all it's positive stuff. But I can't help thinking that one day it may just creep up on me, and bang I'm drawn in again. Have to believe that day will never come. If it means using K9 blocking software for the rest of my life then so be it. Don't think I could ever trust myself again without it to be honest.

With all my thoughts and memories of my life with and now without gambling I always return full circle to my family. The love of my family, and the need to remain strong every day.

Actually we are now on a new day. Hello Saturday 18th October 2014. Day 20....

Difficult today with all the footy and the different thoughts racing through my head. The fact some lad advertised on Twitter putting 500 on a treble (with 2 up, and just 1 result needed tomorrow - returns 1750)....did stir different emotions.

Had a troublesome day with the in-laws as well. Mother-in-law came to the house and blanked me when I entered the room. All in all it hasn't been a great day. In work now heading towards Day21 without a bet.

I'm determined to carry on, and not get sucked in ever. There's no such thing as winning - just borrowing money from the bookies temporarily.

Day24 - and still no bet placed.

Followed some lad on twitter who likes a flutter. The SpainTrain he calls himself. He won 1250 on saturday from a footy treble (which is nice for him), and then puts 2000 on Man Utd to win on Monday Night - they don't win. His 2000 goes down the drain.

This behaviour which I'm more than capable of replicating just re-enforces my decision to remain gamble free FOREVER.

I keep telling myself you never win from gambling you simply borrow money from the bookies time to time.

Have to keep going.

Hi Taffy,

Well done on 24 days. That must feel so good for you.

Keep going and you will change your life around for your family.

All the security is in place now. You may find it is easier not to gamble at all than it is to try to control it.

You have joined the right site this time....we are all winners on here. Your Day 1 was such an important day because you know you have to give up gambling sometime. It escalates and gets so much worse. Once you recognise you are a problem gambler you cannot return to controlled gambling. You recognise that now. That is so important to your recovery.

Don't let it lure you back in. Stay strong. Zero tolerance to any form of gambling.

Take care,

Suzy

Thanks your positive message Suzy. I am feeling better. This site and messages of support are massive to my recovery process x

Thank you for your support. Well done on stopping and am glad you can appreciate money again.

Day 28 - And I'm feeling great. The gambling thoughts are still there, but as my counseller advised this is perfectly normal so soon in my recovery.

Hope everyone is ok, and are remianing strong in their fights against this horrible iffliction.

Day 37 - still going on without any form of gambling. Feeling positive. Thoughts are not as frequent now. Yes I still hear of people winning big, and do wonder why that cant't be me. But I also hear of big losses on results that have gone pear shaped. I mean Barcelona 0 Celta Viga 1. Now that result encompasses all you need to know about the myth of the 'Sure Thing'.

Seeing Counseller again tomorrow. Feeling positive in every way. Working hard and will look to play hard this coming weekend without gambling in my life.