The Bubble Has Burst, I'm Back

Hello guys its been a long time since i've posted on this site. Infact its been a while since i've even logged in.

I've just been reading through some of my old posts from last year and it truly is amazing the difference a year can be. Last year on the 6th November 2017 i attempted to give up gambling and it was the longest id ever stopped. Think it was like 148 days.

Since i relapsed April 2018 i haven't even really attempted to stop gambling and have gambled without even thinking its a problem. Thats what i meant when i said its amazing the difference a year can make, because when i was gamble free i was so anti gambling.

So here whats been happening. Fast foward to September 2018. I finally have a house with my fiance and although i wasnt gamble free my many shop self exclusions and gamstop have controlled the extent of my gambling. (Basically a few scratchcards and a few horse bets in the pub with a "bookies runner" to put them on). At the end of september i found a bookmakers in a village about 18 miles out on the way to my nans. I went in put money in the FOBT won and then put a footy bet on and won. So on the day i had won ВЈ340 profit. I thought great, just got the keys to my new house the day before so do for the house. The following weekend, won another ВЈ240 on the FOBT and then another weekend later won ВЈ740 on the football and FOBT combined. Like past times i felt i had the "midas touch". It didnt stop there and i won more during the following midweek. I looked at my savings account and had a nice balance of £1700 just from gambling winnings. In a few weeks i had won that money.

Then disaster struck, at the end of October i went into this far away bookies which yes for the last month had been travelling 18 miles to get to. I lost ВЈ700 on the roullette. I drove home and just realised that the bubble had well and truly burst. I had forgotten what gambling does to you and it took that big loss to remind me. I drove home on that 40 minute journey just thinking why i had done that and thought it was time to add them shops to my self exclusion and give up whilst i still had some good savings. But of course if didnt and it didnt help when last friday in the pub i got a bookies runner to put 3.50 e/w on a 40/1 horse what won giving me like £182 back.

So i said to myself last sunday, ring up the multi operator self exclusion and add them shops and quit. Again i didnt do it and today i went to the bookmakers and blew another £500.

I walked out not even feeling that bad just cause i knew all this way going to happen. I'm actually glad because the first thing im going to do on my work break monday morning is ring up and self exclude. I still have some of the money saved away. Yes the more would of been better but lets face it i would of never stopped until its all gone.

One thing whats reminded why gambling is so bad is because ive been unwilling to spend money on this new jacket and a 3 piece suit ive been wanting to get because its "abit expensive" but i had no problem loading £700 onto a machine to chase loses. When i finally realised that i was thinking like that i just ordered the suit because i need to treat myself.

Sorry for the long post but i wanted to post whats been going on and how i let gambling into my life once again forgetting how much hurt and stress it has caused me.

It's time to start what i began early Novemeber last year and give up gambling with a real fight.

All the best and i will be posting more again with my progess.

Embracing the struggle