Try again. No other option but to just keep trying.

Sorry to hear you've had a setback. You were caught off-guard that's all. I've seen a fair few posts of yours and admired your attitude and tenaciousness. so I can't see it keeping you down for long. Take care.

Keep trying Stephen do whatever it takes. Its never too late use every tool available Netline GA counselling whatever it takes.

Good Luck

AL

Thank you Sapphira & Alwalm for posting on my diary.

Although I gambled yesterday it does not change my intention to stop gambling. Fortunately I lost otherwise I would probably have continued today. Foolish but I can live with it. It's over and done with now.

Truth be known I am feeling optimistic. Maybe I am buoyed up because it's a new beginning or maybe it's the addiction playing with my head. Only time will tell.

Day One of a new gamble free adventure which hopefully this time will lead me home. I know I can do this, I have sufficient understanding and am well enough equipped for the challenges that lie ahead.

My name is Stephen. I am a compulsive gambler in recovery and considering the circumstances I feel ok.

Thanks Stephen for dropping by and leaving some kind words on my Diary.

Uncanny you should mention that song, my Husband was a singer and that was often in his performances.

My relationship with gambling is all to do with the loss of my Husband, I just can't fix things and gambling blanked everything out. Like an anaesthetic even.

Funny you should comment on the likeness of gambling as a friend, albeit a false one. I kind of saw it as similar as well. Like a "constant" I could run to - how I wish I'd run in the opposite direction.

Good luck, you'll do it you can tell.

Hi well done on committing to stopping. I have started reading Allen Carr’s book and I how he explains the “feelings/need” and changing how we feel rather than stopping something, more like getting rid of a bad thing. It helps me it may help. Take care

Interesting title because it’s another of those rhetorical statements that actually isn’t rhetorical at all. No choice but to keep on trying? Sounds obvious.

Or maybe there are indeed other choices that are being rejected. It all depends on how “trying” is defined. Not so much straining patience but is”trying” a genuine, all out effort to do everything that you possibly can to overcome the addiction or is it token gestures and lip service? Another diary and a lot of words but not multiple GA meetings or Steps or even GamStop? Some limitations on access to money but the card will be returned upon request? Self will only, no admission of powerlessness? Does your way really bring about recovery for you from feeling the need to use?

Your life, your choices.

CW

Many thanks for the posts on my diary Sapphira, San, Jappy and CW. I appreciate the advice, support and encouragement which I have taken on board.

I was just listening to Joe Longthorne singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" and it made me reflect on my own life and the consequences of my foolish, immature and selfish behaviour over the years.

I stopped drinking alcohol 28 years ago.

Stopped smoking over 17 years ago.

Vegetarian for nearly 3 years.

Attended numerous GA meetings plus several "Steps" meetings in an effort to overcome my urges to gamble but it didn't seem to help so i gave up with it in the end.

I keep my gamcare diary and try to give support to my fellow travellers.

I try to involve myself in other pursuits/hobbies such as dancing, swimming, cinema with friends and college.

I will not admit to being powerless over gambling as I have low self esteem as it is and feel this would just reinforce my negativity. Rather I live in hope that one day I will be able to summon up the strength and courage to overcome my inadequacies.

I don't beg to a higher power to help me out but I do look to my invisible friends to give me guidance. I think they try to help me in many aspects of my life but I sometimes just don't listen.

So finally I ask myself another rhetorical question "Is there a hero anywhere inside me?" If there is, than I would like to point out that we are fast running out of time if we are to turn this sorry life around.....stephen

Well, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get the same results that you’ve always had. Exercising your power over your gambling has led you to where you are now. And if you are the greatest Power in your world, there’s no scope for effective external help.

There’s a difference between ego and self esteem.

As ever, though, it’s your life.

CW

Thanks for dropping by my diary, such valid points you make as always. What type of dancing may I ask?

Thank you CW for taking the time and trouble to post on my diary. I have the greatest admiration and respect for all the help you give to compulsive gamblers on the forum.

I really do try to not gamble and am almost there now. I feel I have come a long way since joining gamcare and am ready, able and better equipped for living a gamble free life.

Thankyou Sapphira for your kind words. I do love my Salsa classes which I go to every Tuesday. I have also done a bit of Ballroom and Jive but have had trouble with the tendons in my feet so have stopped them for a while. Dancing can be so much fun and is a great social activity.

It beggars belief but in the past I have occasionally failed to meet up with friends for social occasions because I was on a machine in a betting shop watching a roulette wheel go around. Only stopping briefly to text or ring people with lies about how I had been unavoidably held up. How sad is that?

Hi Stephen, I can imagine Salsa requires a fair bit of confidence! I did ballroom and Latin American exams for 12 years, not in a social setting. Been to the Tower Ballroom a few times though. No it's not sad re the little fibs. Just typical of the "condition". I once stayed awake til daybreak trying to recoup a loss once, that's dire and it wasn't that long ago either. Keep going.

Thank you Caughtup for the support and encouragement. Congratulations to you on 151 days free from gambling. You certainly have a very positive approach to recovery, your enthusiasm is quite inspiring and you have a zest for life which is very refreshing.

Thank you also Sapphira for your support. I was greatly impressed to read of your Ballroom & Latin dancing achievements. After 12 years of taking exams you must have been a very accomplished dancer and to dance at the Tower Ballroom must have been an amazing experience. I imagine that when you watch Strictly Come Dancing it all comes flooding back and you will have an good understanding of what the judges are commenting on.

I never danced until I was in my fifties but than discovered I really liked it. I would go 4 nights a week to Salsa, Modern Jive, Lindyhop and Ballroom but than suddenly started having problems with tendons in my feet and that stopped me in my tracks. A lot better now I've retired but still not right. I go in the middle class at Salsa and manage that ok. Nobody gets cross when I sometimes get it wrong, it is all part of the fun. After the Salsa lesson we do a 20 minute Rueda dance which is hilarious because the instructions are called out in spanish and people always get it wrong. The main thing is though that everybody is laughing and losing themselves in the dance.

I have a very good feeling about my recovery this time. I think the final piece has dropped in the jigsaw...stephen

Happy Birthday Joni Mitchell who is 75 today. A brilliant singer, songwriter and musician who followed her dreams wherever they led. A truly inspirational lady who has always stood up for her ideals. There is something wholesome and exciting about following dreams. It takes courage and self belief.

I personnally, am slowly making my way up the gamble free road. It seems quite pleasant. Feeling at peace with myself, my angels and the world around me. With eager anticipation I am ready, willing and able to climb the gamcare mountain. When I get to the top, I will be free to enjoy a panoramic view of my life whilst taking in the beauty of my surroundings.

I feel quite inspired by an excellent song I recently came across: "Walking With The Angels" by Doro.

Day 5 GF.

It is now 2 weeks since my cataract operation so I am going to exercise in the gym later. No swimming for another couple of weeks but if it's quiet I can walk up and down the pool for a while and relax in the steam room.

Feeling good about my recovery. I frequently recite my mantras (silently) and ask the angels to give me their support and guidance.