What a day!

Hello Irene,

Many thanks for posting on my diary, I cant believe you were in the same place this time last year as I am now.

I feel so inspired by your continued recovery from this vile obsession and at this moment can see a much brighter future already without any gambling in it.

I have started to attend GA meetings which are helping me so much, I now see this condition for what it is.....a bunch of money grabbing thiefs who dont care a jot whether we have a penny to live on or not. I detest those sites so much for what they have done and what they are continuing to do to people. Like you, before I gambled I was an extremely decent honest and trustworthy individual but do you know what, I and you will become that person again, they may have taken our money from us but they wont take away our reputation and great qualities.

It is fantastic what you have achieved and the obstacles you have overcome. Keep up the fabulous work, I will continue to follow your diary and remain inspired. JFT

Best wishes

Hope x

Thanks ladies x

Day 345

I'm on annual leave from work this week. I had been so looking forward to time off, but, 2 days in, I'm bored stiff!!

Exciting day yesterday getting washing machine fixed lol and spent today catching up with laundry- whoopee.......Also, feeling that I'm being "hounded" by a debt recovery company (phone calls and letters). I bravely returned their calls today only to be told that CAB advisor has not yet forwarded the payment offer. I then had to "chase him up".

I'm thinking I need to plan the rest of my time off, and find fulfilling free stuff to do. I think I spend my work time being so busy that I find it really hard to slow down and switch off. Usually I'd be off on holiday or a mini break, its yet another reminder of how stupid I've been with money!

Hello Irene,

Sometimes I dont know what is worse, the gambling or trying to control debt collectors etc, the two industries collide with one another but if I am honest I believe the gambling is worse, without it we wouldnt have the debt.

I too am saddened at the loss of short breaks holidays etc, but remember Irene this is only temporary. Next year will be so much better and you will have so much more money.

Keep up the great work you are doing and enjoy your precious time off away from work.

Best wishes

Hope x

Hey Irene,

A little bump...you nearly getting to page 3 😉

hope all is good darling and you enjoying ur holiday!!

Day at a time

Sandra x

Thanks folks x

Day 349

Just a quick check in. Nightshift last night and frustrated that I cant sleep today.......aarrghhhh.

I've had a lovely week off. Despite a "boring and slow" first few days, I've filled the remainder of the week with people whom I love.....doing stuff I love (predominantly eating lol).

I'm finding that I'm reflecting more on my "life with gambling" recently. I am continually amazed at how much it had taken over. Wee things happen that remind me of how S***e it was this time last year. I am proud and happy that this year has been so different and I've started to move forward in so many ways. Primarily, my confidence has grown and I've tried a few things I'd never considered before. There are so many other aspects of my life that are far from perfect or the way I want them to be........I still do stuff that's detrimental to my well being, but that's battles for another time.

Hey Irene ..

still here and reading and know that you are in a much better place 100% that this time last year ...

We both have the same debt stuff going on but just for today it's not dominating everything in my life and I find I can still find something to keep going for despite that lurking in the background...

This time last year I was ready for jibbing the lot but the debt stuff now is just part of the bigger picture that can be managed,

R and D xxxx

Hey Q.I

Not long off to the big one year anniversaey for you!! What a fantaastic achievement and to not have slipped during this time. Was going to call you tonight but thought you would be doing your night shift. May try you tomorrow eve.

Catch up soon.

Lady Feb.xx

Hey girl:-)

Absolutely awesome stuff on ur recovery. If i count right...11/11 is the day you reach a year g free!!! Always remember this date - my sis birthday:-)

Cheeky smile ur way darling..i hope you enjoyed ur Sunday 😉

Way to go Irene..be proud xx

S x

Day 351=50 weeks and a day

Gamble free and doing well.

Still day 351

Not doing OK and I'm not sure why. I've got an unexplainable sad feeling. I have no obvious reason for feeling like this.

I've been reflecting lots on the past year. Yes, I read back and see my progress, yet still strangely dissatisfied.

My life is so much better than it was before. My son started his new job today. I'm proud and thankful that he's turned out to be a fine young man. My friends and family love me and I enjoy spending more time with them again. My bank statements are opened. I'm no longer depositing to gambling sites several times a day and hiding the reality from myself. I'm managing financially and paying debt very slowly.

I'm living life away from "online". More physically fit. I have 2 jobs which I enjoy. On holiday from work and feeling rested.

I do live with regrets about the past- but I cant change my past. I know now that I shouldn't have started gambling. I know that I should've stopped sooner. I know that I neglected friends and family. I know that I spent money I couldn't afford. I accept that these things are done. I'm trying so hard to "pay back" and compensate with time, money and love.

I accept that despite being much more satisfying, life is never perfect. I suppose accepting that I'll have "sad" days is what I need to do but find this "sadness" without and obvious cause hard to accept?

Knock knock darling...:-)

Reflecting on the past is healthy, it's good to see how far you've come..and you my friend - striding forward giant steps..i honestly think nobody could stop you:-)

Very true, you can't change ur past..but you got NOW and FUTURE to look forward to..

Life will never be perfect..that's what makes it interesting to tackle..full of curl balls, potholes, side roads...but hey looks to me like you keeping on the right direction and like athlete avoiding all the curl balls..well done you darling!!

Upwards and onwards for the better future:-)

Sandra x

P.s. glass of red would help you on ur little holiday to relax 😉

Hey Q.I.

I think it is only natural that we can all feel and have "sad days". I do too but just now try to accept them as just that. It is natural also for us to reminisce about what we used to have prior to gambling and how different life would be today but for me, I do try to remind myself that there are people out there much worse off. One positive to come out of me being in this position, or should I say two, is that I now appreciate the much smaller, things in life and I have been forced to become much more patient about getting things I want.

You have done amazing and even in your sad times, you have remained resilient and strong. I am proud of you.

Your friend.

Lady Feb.xx

Thanks for your honesty in your post to me re not having a strategy Irene. We cant change the past we can only resolve not to hurt people from now on and be the people we can be and should be.

Thanks very much for your support, much appreciated and best wishes.

Irene thank you for your story so far. I am one of your followers and appreciate your honesty. I am only starting my recovery day 16 but really relate to where you are and hope to have the strength to reflect in a years time like you have, still being gamble free well done

ohhhh- thanks so so much for the posts x

Day 352

Feeling much better today. Went to gym early today before the apathy set in- much healthier than morning TV! I had a chat yesterday evening with one of the advisors on Netline to "offload". Today, I've been looking to access counselling services. I think its time......

Anyhow, I've made the call and I've to call back later. Its still a strange phenomenon for me to ask for help but I'm getting braver and anything that helps me to understand can only be good!

(irony is I couldn't access their online info because my Gamblock wouldn't let me lol).

This is the last day of my annual leave and after a difficult start, I've managed quite nicely to settle into a routine of long lies and laziness, so kinda dreading tomorrow!

Some days, there's no pleasing me lol.

Anyhow, me n Paddy's off out into the autumn sunshine 🙂