Will power alone - Lets do this!

I'm going back on my word not to reply again but do you really think it's about money ?

What about the Lies , the Deceit , honesty , lost time and broken promises ? I'm a Compulsive Gambler and even I can see that far , I'm sure the f and f's could come up with many more reasons than I ever could so why not ask them as I said !

Your not " Pressuring " anyone by being truthfull and letting them know that " Honesty is the way forward " many that come here have never spoken to anyone regarding their addiction , hence why it's alway's remained their " Dirty little secret " and allows them to carry on gambling without fear of being answerable to anyone except therselves , confiding in someone allows them to move on with support instead of " Skullking " around trying to juggle finances alone in order not to be found out and remain the saint they appear to be , a bit like yourself ! .

You telling them that " as long as there's not much debt it's ok to lie and cover your tracks " is ridiculous !

Your not pressuring someone by asking for a date when they will confess all and alter their life forever and for better or worse?

Your opinion is very ill-informed and without giving a full story I expect nothing more or less from people like you. Your insults are water off a ducks back my friend and I wish you well.

Lets speak again when I am 700 days GF, that'll give me something to look forward to.

I don't believe I've ever asked anyone for a timescale of event's ? but If you let me know where I said " Do it by a certain date " I'll stand corrected .

People like me " Honest and open " you mean ? . I could have come up with a hundred different reason's why I shouldn't have told my partner and kid's about my addiction , to save their feelings or maybe it would be traumatic for them and affect their health , or they'd look at me like a huge failure or that they'd just up and leave but they'd just have been excuses at the end of the day and as for insults ? .. well sometimes the truth comes across a bit like that if yo don't like what your hearing.

I never said I was quoting you, nor was my original post aimed at you - the comments came from another member, you just decided to reply.

A wise man once said " I will always offer my unconditional support to those genuinely seeking to stop gambling and reclaim there life as I have with mine , I have no problem accepting everyone chooses a different route to there goal and as long as we all get to where we want to be as an end result , then what more could we ask ." - how times change.

As I have said on many occasions a time may come where I want to explain things to my wife however my priority at the moment is recovery and I will achieve this as I see fit.

Yep , that quote's quite right everyone may have a different route but they still need honesty my friend and nothing's changed !

I had a chuckle though as i pictured you sifting through old post's , so thanks for that .:))

Anyway Mum's said I have to stop playing now so i'll see you in 600 and some odd day's :))

Have a goodun :))

Say hi to mum for me.

It was the first post on a thread where I think you had been told off by admin, probably insulting someone or preaching your gospel.

Honesty won't undo the damage done. Speak again in 600 days.

Hello, ALAN 135 and ItMattersMoreWhen thereismoneyonit,

It is encouraging to see you both using the forum, and taking steps towards your recovery, and using the Forum as one of the tools in helping you with the recovery process. We like to remind forum users that each person will have different views on recovery and the steps they take, please take care to respect one another when expressing your views, even if you do not agree we can still keep the language positive, encouraging and constructive and avoid making negative comments one and other.

We hope that you both continue to use this forum, and appreciate, the support on the forum and respect each othes views and comments.

Thank you

Take Care

Forum Admin

Hi admin,

Totally agree, I do try to play nicely 😉

Cheers

Me too admin :)) And Honestly :))

All the best :))

Morning .

I'm just posting to apologise for my little rant on your diary last night , of course it's your choice who you choose to tell or not and although I'm as you saw quite passionate regarding telling the truth to those closest to you , I had no right to tell you how to behave as you have reasons known only to you not to .

I won't trouble you again any further and wish you well with your recovery .

Best wishes

Alan

Going to play it safe today and just say 77 days GF 🙂

Enjoy your gamble free weekends people!

Thanks for posting on my thread this morning. Firstly can I congratulate you on 77 days gamble free.

Even though I have been advised by some to confess to my wife or someone close to me I currently do not feel as though this would benefit my situation. Maybe in a few weeks or months I'll be ready . At this stage I honestly don't know.

I am unable to hand over finances to someone due to that I am the sole director of a company and have 100% ownership. Have employees and would need to employ someone to this who could be trusted with full control of my business finances.

At the moment self excluding and will power is my preferred path of abstinence. I know this can be achieved as you have done this and I know I can if proceed with a positive outlook and excepting the losses. Any advice would be appreciated.

I understand others who have successfully remained gamble free for long periods have confessed, surely it is an individual path of learning what's right and wrong for one is different for another.

@amt722 I totally believe that everyones situation is different and there are no quick fixes for any of us. Confession isnt a quick fix, GA isnt a quick fix etc you need to be ready for a challenge because your head will keep telling you to have just one gamble, you can control it, and before you know it - £10k, another £10k etc.

Without going into too many details I will say that there is a phrase "Ignorance is bliss" and there is some truth in that. My first bout of problem gambling was discovered thanks to the postman delivering the annual credit card statements that I was not expecting, while I was at work and my wife was at home. Lets just say it was a hell of a shock to my wife, but not enough of a shock to make me actually want to stop gambling. 6 months or so later I was back gambling but I was somewhat "improved" as I no longer borrowed money to gamble, and I continued to pay off all my bills including gambling debts. The gambling then started to gather pace over the years and I was gambling every day even while at work - I saw the problem for what it was finally, like a lightbulb moment i suppose.

I am pretty sure that the confession now will not have a devastating impact because there is no real damage done, my finances are not in a bad state, there are no credit card statements haunting me, or new debts lurking. You may think why not confess then? Well some people deserve some "bliss" and if this were not there they may not be in the best condition to cope day in day out, and there are other people that would also be affected and it isnt fair on them. So I will fight the fight alone(ish), with the help of the GC community that care, and I will succeed.

I dont really feel like I can give advise on being secretive because the common consensus is that honesty is the best policy. At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite I would recommend you consider the both scenarios carefully (honest approach and the secretive approach) - if I had known that those credit card statements were coming the first time around I like to think I would of confessed because I know a confession would of softened the blow. If your postman hates you as much as mine did me, then get in their first 🙂

And one final thing if you do not have confidence in the blockers you are putting in your way then you are only setting yourself up to fail - give yourself the best chance to succeed!

Thanks for the advice, I am in early stages (day 3) since last gambled and putting all efforts into work during the day and trying to relax, watching a film with daughter's etc in evenings, normal everyday things to most people.

I can't constantly dwell on the debts and lack of funds at the moment, if I do I'll go into my withdrawn state and it will affect all aspects of life. Having gambled £17k of a close relatives money they had paid me for work and have a mountain of credit card debt that is a constant stress but I've got to look forward and focus on the positives.

I have an amazing wife and children, a good business that makes good profits (all spent on gambling) that is an issue that won't go away and I'll have to face the consequences in November at end of company tax year. Be an interesting meeting with accountants.

If I can abstain from gambling until 30 November that would be a very successful few months for me. Taking everyday as it comes at the moment.

Thanks again for your reply

80 days GF.

My rules for myself...
There is no quick fix!
Be on your guard!
See gambling for what it is!
Be positive!
Accept your losses, if you don't they will get worse!
Always give yourself the best chance to succeed!
People have advice but they do not have all the answers!