Please can I emphasise one thing having personally experienced it: being on the receiving end of lies and deceit hurts. It matters. The non financial losses are the equivalent of learning of an affair.
The betrayal matters, the concern about what lessons we are teaching the children by allowing them to grow up in such dysfunction matters, the breach of trust matters. The effect on the next generation matters.
Be assured that ignorance based on a partner's lies and deceit is anything but blissful.
CW
Hi CW,
Thank you for your feedback. I think that to a certain extent I am misunderstood. I am not saying that I will never explain my situation to my wife ever - I could well do tomorrow, next week, next month ... Also I am not recommending my choices to others.
Based on everything I know about my situation I have made the best choices I can make to enable my recovery to be successful, and any harm minimal (confined to me).
Where I am misunderstood is that I am against the pressure to tell immediately, on day 1/post 1. Everyone needs time to process the whole situation before they start creating additional hassles, this can all lead to too much too soon in my opinion.
I can feel that each day GF I am in a better position to explain everything to my wife. No offence to anyone on here but I do not want to show my wife that I am in a cycle of quitting and relapsing. Luckily I am not in a position where there is a nasty surprise that I am hiding (no new debts, no unpaid bills...), and as I am not an active gambler there is no being caught in the process.
I know that telling my wife is very unlikely to end in any kind of split, it will most likely result in her worrying about me which I don't want, and if I am wrong and she did want to split then without going into details the effect on my daughter is not something I am willing to "gamble" with.
I am not an evil person that is preaching to others to lie, I am just doing what I think is right, I appreciate the conflict this causes amongst some on the forums but recovery is individual.
Cheers
Congrats on 80 days keep it going, 4th day for me, following your posts with interest. Appreciate that each individual will have their own path on way to total abstinence. I'm open to any advice at the moment from anybody that offers it.
Cheers
Hey bud ! We're still GF ! 80 days ! Wohooo remember we had a deal to reach 100 ? But obviously one day at a time 😉 keep it up
Sars
Hi Thanks for popping by my diary....earlier on today I was thinking life is pretty middle of the road, a bit dull etc then thought Durrrrrr hello! This is a million times better then being worried sick, anxious and totally broke, financially and mentally. So I raise my coffee cup to us all and your good self on your 81St day GF S:)
83 days GF
Quote for today:
"Some people want it to happen, some wish it could happen, others make it happen"
Apparently to be a " Real Guru " the minimum requirements are " A shack to live alone in "
"A Cold mountainside to place said Shack "
" A Herd of Goats for company" ( numbers optional )
" Some smelly Joss sticks " ( Vaping not accepatble )
" And a pair of teeny weeny Symbol's ( that go ching ) "
Congrats on day 83
:))
@Alan 135, that's one hell of a shopping list for eBay but if that's what it takes... 😉
Day ummm something more than last time (can't be bothered to look) GF.
If you don't have positivity then you have negativity, and I have never seen anyone's life made better through negativity.
Here's to a GF bank holiday weekend!
Gongs? 🙂
Day 92 GF is nearly here. I've had a relaxing week and a bit of time away from the forum.
I have well and truly broken the old gambling routine and this has really helped to prevent any urges.
Well done - It Matters on your gf days so far. Do you still have urges to gamble? and if so, how do you deal with them. Have you found any new pastimes to occupy yourself as a distraction from gambling.
@changemylife when I am looking at football results I do think to myself "I would of bet on him" but I don't really feel that I want to bet. I have rekindled some old hobbies and started a few new ones which is filling my time, and sucking up my spare cash (I wonder if this is a subconscious way of stopping myself gambling - removing funds?).
So the 100 days is fast approaching. I am visiting the forum less and less as I think about gambling less and less.
Please everyone don't just stop the habit, break the habit. Accept that gambling isn't going to solve any mental or financial issues you may have (if anything it has the opposite effect). If you have financial or mental health issues address those problems with proper help don't hide yourself in gambling. Don't fund the likes of the Coates family, they are rich for a reason! That's your money buying them their yachts!
Here's to a gamble free weekend!
Congratulations ' itMattersMoreWh ' on 100 Days GF .
Totally agree with your wise sentiments , in time hopefully the habit can be broken and we can see things in a different light . The addiction might be in our heads trying to lead the way but we don't have to take any notice , like a back seat driver saying go this way , go that way , do this , do that ! We have to remember we're in the driving seat , we make the decisions .
WELL DONE ON YOUR CENTENARY!
Comgratulations IMM on joining the " Century Club " :))
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