Will she understand and forgive

Can anyone tell me how their partners reacted when yous told them??? I just wish I knew how my girlfriend is going to react??

Tommy,

Mrs Bal had a fairly good idea that something wasnt right. She was calm. Asked for my cards. Told me if i ever did it again that was it. End of story.

o*g really Bal..... I really hope my girlfriend will be as understanding as Mrs Bal

Mrs Tunnicliffe was not so understanding as i had to be caught out befor i told her everything and because this was the third time she was very angry luckily i have worked so hard on proving that this time i am will to make a change.

Im sorry mate the 3rd of july is just as stupid to say im going to tell her then... no different than saying im going to stop gambling on the 5th of july when i can handle it better. if you knew right now that if you told her now she would forgive you but if you left it longer then she wouldnt then would you tell her now? of course you would. the longer you leave it the worse it will get and the more chances that she will find out what you have done. and i have been there and if your honest she will forgive most likely if she finds out and then realises you have kept lying about it she is more likely to leave.

Time to take off that pink frilly thong of yours and get some man pants on... sorry for the tough love but i just wish someone had given me the tough love needed for it. if you are really serious about quitting you will tell her today. you owe it to her to be honest with her. if you care about her as much as you say you do then you would tell her as she will be the one that is getting hurt here with all the lies etc.

do it my friend and you will gain alot of respect from the people on this forum. we have all had to do it and no matter what the outcome your nights of no sleep and worry will all be gone just knowing that its not a secret anymore.

good luck again

Tommy B. At this moment in time you are not ready becuase you are an addict in the grip of it. You know its destroying you just as drinkers and drug addicts have moments of remorse. Why am I doing this they must think before they reach for the next fix.

Remind us what gambling has done to you. More importantly sit down and remind yourself what gambling has done on those financial statements. What are these amazing bets you have lined up to clear it all?.. please enlighten us..... we are all ears

Just as a non gambler doesnt understand we see gambling for what it really is.

You keep asking how your girlfriend will react but you know the answer...you know the answer to that. The addiction wants her to be totally understanding, support you in your gambling, join you in gambling, do everything you ask, write you a cheque for the total losses and almost apologise that you have had to bother her with it.....see my point.

The addiction is a form of mental illness. You are not in control and the addiction tries to rationalise that with a voice in your head saying dont worry tommyb we like this, we like the feelings of playing and we will win it all one day. They dont understand us tommy b and you and me are in this together...its our drug our naughty little secret...its only a flutter and we like it...That is what your addiction is saying to you.

The truth now is that you are heavily addicted. You know at times you should stop but you cant. We are telling you how to deal with this nasty controlling powerful addiction but you cant face it at the moment.

I hope that one day you will feel truly ready. Until then its very difficult to help you

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

as joyrider has said, while you are refusing to deal with this it is clear you are not ready to give it up. you probably think were all a bunch as ********** for being so harsh but we have all gone through it.i know in your head you think by not telling her you are being kind on her because of this wedding etc but actually deep down its the most selfish thing you can do! if she is going to break up with you because of it then she has every right to do so but by you witholding all of the information you are basically not letting her make her own mind up. like i said she will have a lot more respect for you if you fess up to her now. tell her the steps you are taking etc.

you will deny this as we all would but if you dont tell her befor the 3rd of july i garuntee you will be gambling again in this time as one last attempt to clear the debt and make everything right... we all know how this will end up. For most of us its not even about the money were addicted to gambling not winning money so even if you earned enough to clear your debts i guaruntee in a years time you will be in a worse position you are now.

i really pray you pluck up the courage and tell her today... a letter a text a phone call or face to face just let her know. deep down she will be aware something is wrong anyway and i promise you you will feel so much better and will come on this forum tomorrow morning and say thanks thats the best thing i ever did and i feel so much better now for it.

I believ in you man i dont even know who you are but am sat here at working just hoping you take our advice...

Hi I know you don't like what I say but here it is. The only person who can stop is you. It makes no difference whether you tell her or not. If you tell her and she's ok with it you'll continue in secret. This is about you. You have to seek help, help is not your girlfriend. She won't know what to do. She'll be scared witless like the rest of us or she'll think it's just a phase and won't understand what compulsive gambling means. You have to just not gamble today. Just not have the next bet. You need to get to a meeting or call gamcare. You, yes you, have to do this. Not your girlfriend. Having a bet today is your choice. You have to choose not to. You have to do it. The other thing is don't take money from anyone. No bailouts. This is your mess now deal with it today. You have had much advice and you're not listening or doing anything about it. Remember this is a choice, you are choosing not to tell, choosing to gamble, choosing addiction over reality.

Nobody is going to tell you what you want to hear i.e. that she'll understand and everything is going to be fine. The likelihood is that she'll be angry, tearful and fearful just like the rest of us who have been where she is. I was left to piece together what Mr L had done and discovered more every day for several days.If she comes across just one thing that arouses her suspicions the chances are very high that she'll do more digging and that's the worst possible way for her to find out.

Setting an arbitrary date isn't helping you. It just gives you more time to think and panic. You won't get the magic win that's going to make everything alright in the meantime. You've tried that and you know how it always ends. The only way to start winning is to take active measures to stop your access to gambling and start looking at why you're driven to do it.

Hi Tommy

You asked how other people’s partners reacted. My wife was remarkably calm initially although shocked at my behaviour. She accepted (although probably will not ever understand) what I had done, and we agreed what I needed to do to prevent it ever happening again – limited access to money, blocks, counselling etc. There were some stark warnings about what would happen if I did ever gamble again. She did say afterwards that there was little point in her giving me a hard time initially as it was obvious that the experience had pretty much broken me anyway. What was clear was that confessing voluntarily before I got caught, being 100% honest both then and afterwards and taking full responsibility for my actions did reduce the impact it had on our relationship and her trust in me.

Whilst I think it is vital you tell your girlfriend as soon as possible for all the good reasons everyone has stated, I almost think you are starting to focus on this as if it is going to be some miracle cure. Your girlfriend is not going to stop you gambling. That’s your responsibility and if you are determined to do it without the support of your girlfriend until July then you need to start taking action today. Remove your access to funds and the ability to gamble and get yourself some counselling or go to a GA meeting.

I think you are making this harder on yourself by going it alone until July but if that is your decision then you need to make some actions which might be difficult or inconvenient if you are serious about stopping.

Good luck

Hi

You have to tell her today, I've done the same I secretly gambled on line for 3 years, I had some good wins but some massive losses. All came to ahead yesterday when I was chasing losses and broke down to my husband. He was angry but we talked it through. I feel ashamed of what I've been doing.
I've blocked myself from online gambling sites . My husband said he will check the bank accounts and if it happens again the trust will be gone. I do however feel like the weight has been lifted. I've got to start looking forward to everyday as a new start and put the gambling behind me. I wish you luck but July is a long time away for a gambling addict . Good luck to everyone. I'm taking each hour as it comes then hopefully they will turn into days then months .

Write her a letter. ...if you can't face telling her....I put off telling hubby about my addiction for all the reasons you 've given....when the bomb blew.....yes it was s**t. ..but not as s**t as my addiction had convinced me it would be....
Facing and sorting things together was far better than the mental torture I was putting myself through keeping such a secret....ok...so my hubby stood beside me....I can't say what your lady will do.....that's her choice...
Chasing losses now is a recipe for disaster.....
Ring the helpline and get some things in place to help you start youre fight with you're addiction...
Being able to show my hubby the measures I had taken before he knew....was....as he said. .." shows me you're serious"
Remember though....
It's you're addiction....you've got to fight it....no one else can...
3rd July is about 3 weeks away I reckon. ...
That's a long time feeling as desperate as you do now...
Only you can change that...

I don't think yous understand what I'm saying. It's her birthday at the start of July and I don't want to tell her now because it will bring her world crashing down and ruin her birthday. I'm thinking of her here.... I actually love her so much and I don't want to ruin her big day. I promise you all I'll tell her straight after her birthday weekend. This is my choice and my decision as all I want to do is get better and make her proud of me again

im sorry mate birthday or not its no excuse, if you love her as much as you say you do then you would tell her the truth and not make her own mind up for her. you just waiting is giving you more time to gamble [i might be wrong but i assume you still are] and its just an excuse to yourself to give you a reason not to stop. Im sorry dont come on a forum and ask for advice if your then just going to tell us were all wrong and you are going to do what you want. End of the day the ones trying to give you advice are speaking from experience... you sound like i did befor i told people just trying to hold out for that one big win that will solve all of your problems... sorry to say dude that win is not coming and you will make things so much worse by waiting.... what if she finds out herself on her birthday how hurt is she going to be then... tell her now then it gives you a month to get things sorted and then you can enjoy her birthday properly!! you ask any woman on this forum if they would rather know now or wait til after their birthday and none of them will want to wait i guaruntee it!! MAN UP AND DO WHATS RIGHT!!

Hi tommy I completely understand you don't want to spoil her view of you. You don't want to spoil her birthday, the wedding of friends, you don't want to lose her. I understand I've lived with a cg for 20 years+. The one point you are missing is this isn't about your girlfriend. This is about you and addiction. Addiction doesn't want you to stop, to tell. You could stop today. You need to stop saying I will stop gambling when I tell her. You need to do this for yourself. It's not about winning or losing, there is a comfort in gambling that you're unwilling to give up. Put your blocks in place. Admit that you are beaten. Don't have that next bet.

To be honest I never ever thought this would ever happen to me.