Will she understand and forgive

I know and I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you all from the start. Last night night was the 1st decent night sleep iv had in about 6 months. No guilt or lies anymore. From now on Im going to be 100% truthful. I know I still have a lot of work to do but I'll get there. I really don't wish this on anyone. Thanks again

Hi Tommy

So happy to read you have told your girlfriend, must of been hard but now you can move forward together with honesty.

Good luck

Muststop123

It's going to be a long hard road. I have a lot of debt to pay off so that's going to be very hard.

Hey tommy, don’t worry I was in so much debt the time 18 months ago since I told my partner everything I have near enough paid off the debts we have got married in Florida and just bought our first home. With hard work and dedication it can be done .

just out of interest what made you tell her in the end?

To be honest the guilt and lies where eating me up that much inside I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Also I love her so much and I just wanted her to understand. I was so lucky as she has been so amazing and supportive but this is my last and only chance.

I have got my 1st one to one cousiller session booked in for tomorrow evening. Can anyone advise if this helps you?? Iv never been to one or did this before.

Hi Tommy

Your first session will probably be an assessment rather than a proper counselling session.

I had counselling every week for about the first 8 weeks when I first decided I needed to stop gambling. I found them immensely helpful. For me it was the opportunity to talk to someone completely in confidence who will not judge you or your thoughts. Often just the act of saying what I thought out loud made me realise how unhelpful some of my ideas and thoughts were.

Don't walk in thinking it is going to necessarily be a cozy chat though. Some of my sessions were pretty emotionally challenging and you are probably going to get asked some pretty difficult questions which you might not like the answers to. Sitting in a room with a guy I had only just met with tears running down my face talking about my life and family was not where I imagined I would have ever have been a year ago.

But I did learn a lot about myself and how I think about things which has helped me not only with stopping gambling but has improved my outlook and attitude to other aspects of my life.

Good luck

Muststop123

Right I don't get it. I have been totally honest with my girlfriend about everything. I have told her everything. She said she would fully support me... I give her control of my finances and when I asked for my money to pay bills she flew out the handle. Is this normal??

Yes. Your girlfriend needs support and to learn how to deal with a compulsive gambler. If she's in control of finance why do you need money? She's paying the bills isn't she? Have you done credit reports to show state of your finances? Been to GA? Handing over finances means a lot more than someone holding your cards. You can't be trusted with money. She's scared and doesn't trust you, she also doesn't really know what this means long term. Get help for both of you, this is a tough journey and if you think it's an overnight fix you're wrong. As I've said before stop using your girlfriend to stop.

Mrs Tunnicliffe was not so understanding as i had to be caught out befor i told her everything and because this was the third time she was very angry luckily i have worked so hard on proving that this time i am will to make a change.

Im sorry mate the 3rd of july is just as stupid to say im going to tell her then... no different than saying im going to stop gambling on the 5th of july when i can handle it better. if you knew right now that if you told her now she would forgive you but if you left it longer then she wouldnt then would you tell her now? of course you would. the longer you leave it the worse it will get and the more chances that she will find out what you have done. and i have been there and if your honest she will forgive most likely if she finds out and then realises you have kept lying about it she is more likely to leave.

Hi Tommy it probaly is normal you will need to build your trust with her again maybe when you ask her for money show her what it is for like your bills give her the statements. It will be very hard for you both . Good luck and really well done to you Bambi

Tommy,

Breathe, relax and accept how your gf reacts and behaves. She has been dealt a body blow and it takes time.

I gave up all access to cash and cards for a period of 9 months. If i had cash i provides a receipt. Sure it can be a pain but is shows we are determined to try everything in recovery.

Cut her some slack mate. She is going into protective mode.

Best wishes

Take ownership of what you’ve done and the extent of what you’ve done and the effect you’ve had on those around you. And understand that they need support as well.

You’re not a little kid, who’s told Mother and it’s all ok now. You’re a gambler asking for money. She’s right not to take that at face value.

Getting past it all is a process, not an event and it starts with continued honesty. And it’s what you do that counts, not what you say. Going to GA, going to counselling, cooperating with financial barriers, signing up for GamStop? Or expecting her to hand over the cash, no questions asked?

CW

You've only just told her you've been lying to her and deceiving her for years. She'd be extremely unwise to take anything financially related at face value. Don't ask or expect her to trust you. Be prepared to prove everything is as you say. Rebuilding even limited trust takes an awful lot of time and proof and consistent openness and honesty.

Thanks. Today was a good day and it's the first time in ages I didn't even think about gambling. Iv only been gambling free for 5 days and I already have noticed changes in my moods... My sleeping.. My eating. Even talking to people. I got my first assessment of a councillor last night... It was wierd at the start but I really think it will help. I have another 3 session booked for next 3 weeks. I know it's going to be a long hard road but I plan to take every day at a time. I hope yous don't mind me putting posts up but I feel it helps me get things off my chest. I really owe yous all alot and thank you all for the advice.