Will she understand and forgive

Morning Tommy,

I take on board what you are saying about telling her so i will no longer offer you advice on this and whatever the outcome i will not pass judgment or give you the "i told you so" talk.

however do us all a favour now then and between now and the 3rd of july you need to stop gambling, put all the blocks in place and then when d day does come you can show her look i havent done it for 3 weeks etc and she may be much more willing to forgive if you can show her you have made big steps in stopping, rather than saying im going to stop but yea i lost another 500 quid last night... if you see where im coming from.

if you cant tell her can you tell a close friend who would understand? just to take some of the weight off your shoulders, its amazing what advice we may take from close friends as these are truly the ones that have our best interests at heart :]

wishing you all the best and let us know the outcome as and when it happens but just get those blocks in place and stop gambling NOW!!!

tunnie x

Morning Tommy,

I’ve been following your thread for a while now. My Mrs caught me, which she has now told me that it upset her more than if I had the balls to tell her for myself. Truth be told though I’d gone through that scenario a million times in my head over the years, it’s a catch 22 situation where if she hadn’t have caught me then I’d probably still be caning it week in week out, like yourself I’ve known I’ve had a problem for many years. It takes a lot of guts to confess and us blokes are proud! The positive of all of this is that your here admitting a problem, although you are still very much in the cycle you know yourself that you want out, there will be a mighty argument come the 3rd when you tell her but it could go one of 2 ways, she sticks with you and she slowly rebuilds trust in you through your recovery (which you must stick too!) or she walks, your probably thinking it will be the second one as I thought myself so many times but the highest probability is she’ll stick by you. Does she or has had any addiction? Smoking etc? Maybe she can relate...

Daniel

Take your girlfriend out of the equation. You've told someone, the priest. As I say this isn't about confession to your gf or god. This is about you. Confession can make you more secretive, telling doesn't stop you. The only person who can stop is you. You don't want to be like this so why are you doing it, because you want to. Until you admit that, this will go on and on. Just for today. Today is all we have, so what are you going to do today. Stop focusing on your girlfriend, she can't stop you.

tommyb wrote: When I tell her on 3rd July if she is going to support me I am going to suggest that she takes full control off all my finances.

Hi Tommy

the key word in your post is IF.

What if she gets upset and decides to leave you? Do you have PlanB or you will just carry on with gambling?

Hi i told my girlfriend everything tonight. The whole lot and I'm so glad I did as a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I really don't deserve her after what I have done. There were a lot of tears but she wrapped her arms around me and told me everything would be OK. I'm am going to see a counsellor and I have promised her I won't let her down and. And I won't. Today is the day I start putting my life back together. I know deep down I have hurt her and she won't trust me for a very long time but I will prove to her I'm so greatful for her support.

Great job Tommy im so glad you have done this and i am sorry for the harsh words i gave you befor, hoepfully they contributed to you deciding to tell her then i will feel my good deed for the day is done.

You can now look forward to a gamble free future with your girlfriend :]

great job dude

tunnie x

Tommyb,

The 1st post i have read on GC today is a belter. Well done.

Get those blocks in place, get thst recovery going and get on with your life without gambling.

Best wishes

Hi tommy remember you are getting help for you. What about your girlfriend? Who's supporting her? She doesn't really know what compulsive gambling is. She needs to safeguard herself. If you really want her to be there for you she needs to learn what she's signing up for.

Thank you and yous where all right all along. I should have told her ages ago. I don't deserve her and I really am so glad I have got this off my chest.

Well done Tommy, you did the right thing, you could not go on the way you were. It was obvious from your posts that you were so stressed by it all. I am sure you feel much better just to have shared your problem. Honesty is the only way forward now for you and your girlfriend, no secrets and lies which gambling thrives on.

I would advise that you ask your girlfriend to manage all your finances immediately, give her your cards, cash, the lot. Also sign up to a credit agency so she can see you are not applying for credit behind her back. Then from that point you can both work out a plan to move forward.

As Merry G R pointed out, your girlfriend will need support too. There will be times when she is angry with you, but just roll with it. Trust me on this Tommy, you will be suprised how quickly your finances improve when you are no longer gambling.

All the best Tommy.

Today is the start of a new journey and I can do this.

Good move Tommy - we're here if you need us, you're never alone 🙂

Well done TommyB,

a massive step and don't think for one moment that any of us under esitmate that, huge, seriously well done.

Now own this, own your addiction, make it all about you. It is about you. Your life will be much better if you get yourself help, if you keep fighting this, if you take it one day at a time and if you now make the choice to not gamble, and you can.

I know how much you want things to be better for your girlfriend too but you cannot and will not be the person she wants you to be if you choose to gamble.

You must also give her time and space to process what you have told her. Ask her to get help herself, she can help you, by not helping you. no bail outs, no money lending, she needs to see your actions, not your words, she must not believe your promises

best wishes and I fully admit to being very surprised and very impressed that you have made this choice today. impressive.

It was not planned as I always had 3rd july in my head but last night everything just hit me at once and I couldn't control myself... I totally broke down and told her everything. She has given me a chance and fully supports me. I really don't deserve her and I will never let her down again. I nearly lost the love of my life because off this f****n addiction but I'm never going to let it win again. Thank you all again for your support and helping me understand.

tommyb wrote: It was not planned as I always had 3rd july in my head but last night everything just hit me at once and I couldn't control myself... I totally broke down and told her everything. She has given me a chance and fully supports me. I really don't deserve her and I will never let her down again. I nearly lost the love of my life because off this f****n addiction but I'm never going to let it win again. Thank you all again for your support and helping me understand.

Give her control of the cash

Register with Gamstop

Carry no money, let her carry it. If you need money get a receipt for what you spend and give the receipt to the girlfriend so she sees your'e sincere in sorting this out.

Use K9 software, free link in the sticky thread at the top of the board, make her the admin account holder so she will know the password and you wont'

Glad you sorted it, reading this thread was very frustrating as I and others, knew this would have to happen. Now it starts and you can't let your guard down for a second....