Hi,
I have spent time reading this forum for almost a year and found it so helpful, yet never had the courage to post anything before. I was with my CG for 6 years and had a wonderful relationship until about 1 year ago. We loved each other very much. Before then I had no idea that he was gambling, and was hit by a wave of debt, lies and more lies. I love him unconditionally and was determined to stand by him, yet despite him heading to GA (he admitted he had always had a certain level of gambling addiction) and starting counselling the lies and the debt continued to rise. Just before Christmas I had enough and after our savings (and quite a few of the Christmas presents disappeared) I threw him out. This was the last thing I wanted to do (I love and miss him so much) but hoped that the shock of our relationship ending would make him see sense.
Sadly that has not been the case and instead he has entered into a brand new relationship (just 3 weeks after we split). I am heartbroken and so sad but also so so worried about him. He says that he has stopped gambling and this new partner has made it all better but I just can't believe that. He has stopped his GA sessions and says he is fully recovered. Has anyone had any similar experiences? All I want is for him to get this under control (and not hurt anyone else) - but should I just give up? Leave him to it? Or can I still help? Was I really the cause of all his gambling troubles? Any advice would be gratefully received...
Valverde I feel so sorry for what you have gone through and for you to be treated so badly. His gambling is one thing, but to start a new relationship so quickly is him just taking the mIck. I do agree that sometimes us gamblers need to change everything in our lives in order to recover. He may well have needed time out, but to start a new relationship so quickly is wrong. My first husband did the same to me after we split and it turned out he had been having an affair with her when we were together. Could this be the case? Regardless tho, I know you are hurting but you deserve better than this. He may well have stopped gambling temporarily while in the throws of a new relationship but you know yourself it won't last. He has his.priorities all wrong. He is responsible for his own gambling so please don't ever feel that you were to blame x
I might be wrong but it sounds to me as though he had something going on with this new person before you kicked him out. Three weeks seems a bit quick to have what you describe as a "new partner". He'll gamble again because he loves gambling more than anything else. You are better off without him so leave him to his own devices and don't have him back. You are DEFINITELY NOT responsible for his gambling-HE HIS. Don't accept any responsibility for his failures. He's the loser in more ways than one.
I've been a CG and have had a partner dump me in the past because of that. It was the best thing she could have done and she wouldn't take me back. She was totally right as I was in love with gambling more than I loved her. CG's are liars and only interested in fuelling their habit.
If his new relationship lasts any length of time history will repeat itself and his partner will become just as P*****d off as you with his antics.
You can move forward with your life now.
Bye.
Thanks for the replies. It really is a terrible situation as he can still contact me to tell me he loves me and he misses me so I have been thinking it was just a phase. He may well have met her before but I really hope that is not the case. As I say I just want to help him recover as he is a great man who I love very much!
Whatever happens, I wish you well.
You seem like a very decent human being.
Take Care Now.
I would agree that perhaps this relationship was going on before he left as three weeks is moving fast and i live in a world full of teenagers, so i am used to things changing fast.
I would also suggest that the new realationship is enabling the gambling, i wouldnt believe anything he says about the opposite being true, i think he is just trying to manipulate you.
The gambling will come first until he decides to change.
I wish I could lessen your heartbreak, be kind to yourself, especially at a time when someone else is being so cruel, make a special effort to do things that make you feel better.
Hi Valverde
I'm a recovering Gambler. I will be in recovery until they nail the lid on my coffin. For him to say he has "recovered" is utter BS. There is no magic cure for our problem
I would agree with other posters here, in that I think he had developed the other relationship prior to you throwing him out. I also think that he will be manipulating her for his own means. If he is short on xash, them she will be his piggy bank. I just hope that she sees thru him early enough that she doesn't get hurt.
You are not to blame for his problem. As gamblers, we are the only ones who can 'fix' ourselves, and only if we want to be fixed.
Best wishes
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