Hi everyone.  I am from the US but this seems to be the most extensive platform for an online forum to talk about gambling addiction.  Let me introduce myself first…
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I was never interested in gambling in the past. Â I maybe went to the casino once a year and never thought about gambling online. Â About two months ago I got a substantial sign on bonus from my job and decided to play online, and ended up winning a large amount. Â The following two months turned into an avalanche of trying to replicate that win and I have now lost all of the winnings alongside my savings.
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The worst part was that this was money I had saved for my husband and myself. Â The savings account only consisted of money I had put in, but the money was still for us. Â I have spent every day for the last two months trying to win that money back, but of course have dug myself into an even bigger hole than where I was before the bonus. Â
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I told my husband about what happened last night, and this is the first time in our five years of being together that he hasn’t hugged or kissed me.  I understand and respect how he is feeling, and I understand how much I have hurt him and our trust.  I’ve signed up for GA meetings where I am and just got scheduled with a counselor to help me move past this and get back to who I am as a person. Â
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I know that words mean nothing if actions don’t back them up, and I haven’t had enough time yet to prove myself.  But I am looking for advice on how to navigate my own feelings right now while he is being quiet.  He said he loves me and is going to stand with me, but he is the only person so talk to.  He is my rock, my only real support in this life.  I am seriously struggling with anxiety because I can’t just talk to him.  I know it’ll take time, but how do you, of have you gotten through this period?  It’s still very fresh and I feel like I’m going to explode while I give him the time he deserves to process what I’ve done. Â
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Hi Jay
Welcome to the site and you are In the right place. I use this site and the get Evive one in America which is an app.
It sounds like you have a solid basis to start on. I don't know how it would work for timings but the 8pm chatrooms on here are 3pm EST and are amazing. Lots of support and guidance.
I've written some daily topics on here under the recovery diaries section click forum. They are all under film titles and although only around 25 so far there is one on foundations etc so might be some good info in there.
The foundation for recovery is key to building a gamble free life. It's fantastic that you have the support of your husband and maybe he could take over your banking if not already. Sign up for Gamban if you haven't already and install it on all devices which blocks all online sites and apps. Maybe switch to an online bank without branches. Get receipts for everything and give them to your husband. I know you said you don't go to casinos often but self excluded with them for safety.Â
Blocking isn't as easy in America as the UK but building up friction to placing a bet will help you to change your mind and surf through urges.Â
GA has the 12 steps program which I'm doing.
Once you remove access to gambling, it's all about retraining your brain over the months to come to get back to the old you. I would strongly suggest that you can't ever place a bet again as it will lead back into it.Â
If you have any other questions just post or come to the chatroomÂ
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