Day 1, again.

Hi Chr23

I'm sorry to hear that. Connection is the opposite of addiction but it depends on your circumstances of how you find that. Whether you can open up to friends and family ? Whether you can attend a GA meeting in person or online ? Whether you can open up and post your whole story on here in the recovery diaries section ? (Best thing Ive ever done and is called My Story if you get bored and like horror) Or come onto the 8pm chatrooms here. Connection is everything in recovery

Do you have friction in place like the blocks and accountability between you and another bet ?

Feel exactly the same. I'm back on day 1, I've relapsed 5 times in 6 months after going a year without gambling. Horrible feeling 

Good morning guys, 

I’m sorry to hear you have both fell off that wagon I really am. I’ve been there and I know how bad that can be. I know how much you can hate yourself and how low you can go. 

it really does depend how much you want to quit. I was determined to so I immediately put every block in place that I could. You can self exclude from sites which lasts a few years but I personally contacted each site to tell them I had an addiction and asked to be banned permanently. I also installed software while prevented me from accessing the sites.

I told my wife, which did nearly cost me my family but it meant I couldn’t hide anything from her. I gave her access to my accounts voluntarily so I knew I couldn’t hide it. I also ordered new bank cards so that the new numbers weren’t registered on the sites and proceeded to cut up the ones I didn’t need (credit cards). I only kept the credit card accounts to manage online to allow me to move debts around to benefit from 0% interest. I racked up a frightening amount of debt and it still knocks me sick when I think about what I could have done with that money.  But 3463 days later I’m still gamble free, don’t get me wrong it hasn’t been easy and I’ve fought a lot of demons over the years, personally, financially and mentally but I find that now gambling doesn’t really enter my head other than to remind myself how stupid I was. 

When I see others putting accumulators on I’m not jealous, I just wish them luck and hope they don’t end up in the position I was. Sorry to rant on but I wanted to try and help a little, as Stuart said there are a lot of people willing to help on here if you want to listen. It’s not nice opening up but I found the more honest I was the more support it allowed me to receive.

Good luck with your journeys. 

Danny.

Just got to try and move past it and start again with a positive attitude look at it as an opportunity to improve look at what maybe triggered you and make changes wishing yous the best 

@qjadze2rxg 

Hi Dazza

Are you coming up for two years off this month ? If you are congratulations mate 

@lp5vut869c be 3 years on September 11th fingers crossed

@qjadze2rxg 

Hi Dazza

That's amazing. Any urges or thoughts nowadays ? 

@lp5vut869c nah once I have accepted that there is nothing in gambling for me bar pain and misery things have become a lot easier was tempted once in pub when drunk once maybe around 2 years ago but didn’t gamble I would say not going in pubs drinking and seeing racing on tv helped a lot

Well done Dazza. 

@lp5vut869c I have friction but they don’t work - can’t say too much on that because otherwise my comment will get deleted. 

I’ve had an online therapist for years but we are at a point now where everything’s been said. I know my partner would want to leave me, the fear of irreparable damage has kept me in the dark all these years. 

I’ve never had the chance to speak to others all this time and I know it would help. I’d like to join the chat rooms but I have so much shame. 

When I’ve been successful, I’ll just have one night of madness. I’m usually alone and I can usually talk myself into it being logical. Of course it never is. 

Thank you for your reply, appreciate it!

@dannyp thanks so much for your comment and congratulations on your gf journey. I’ve always been determined but one moment of madness derails me.

@qjadze2rxg thanks dazza and congrats on your journey.

@sfbt9mnjl8 exact same. Always here if you want to talk.

@chr23 no bother mate if ever need a chat just mention me in a post and be happy to respond wishing you well