Are you trying to give up gambling ?

Hi Everyone

For anyone reading this message, if you read to the end of this long topic, be proud because you want to give up and change your life. As a bit of context, I don't profess to be an expert on recovery. I gambled compulsively from the age of 12 to 56, a career spanning 44 years of misery. That's not a badge of honour but I am 108 days into recovery. I've managed to talk to some amazing people on here, counselling and GA so i wanted to pass on some advice. If any of the below helps one person then it was worth writing.

If you are in early stages of giving up gambling, don't worry to much about relapses. It's important not to get hung up on those. They may happen, just pick yourself up and restart your journey. You aren't going back to the start because in each relapse you learn something about yourself. It's like the car has broken down and needs fixing but you don't go back down the road to the start. Next statement is that this is your journey and no one else. It's going to be unique to you, just like you are unique. Always remember that day one when you admit to yourself you have a problem is the hardest day so be proud of that. The days soon start to add up and it doesn't get easy but it does get easier. All of the below is only from my stand point and has helped me. One of the moderators on here told me to throw myself at everything and see what sticks, it all has. I don't have a job after 26 years of being an MD so i spend most of the day working on my recovery which might not work for everyone. So here goes - 

1. First and foremost get friction in place between you and a bet, whatever that form of gambling is for you. This is incredibly important as urges last up to half an hour which I will go onto later. If there is friction then it allows you to get through the urge. For those younger than me, in the old days you had to get the cash, go to a bookmaker, arcade or race track. Walk in and place the bet so there was friction and opportunities to change your mind. Casinos were far and few between plus they had a 24 hour cooling off period and you had to join. Now it's 24/7 in your pocket. 

So the blocks are 

Gamstop will block pretty much all UK gambling operators licenced by the gambling commission. You can self exclude for up to 5 years and can tick a box for autorenewal with no email to say it's run out. For me I would have gone for life time but ticked 5 years and the other two as i was serious about this. There is also gamprotect but you would have to be added to that by asking your operators to do it. 

Self Exclusion directly. For extra security I self excluded with all of my 70 plus betting accounts. I told them about the problem i had and asked them never to allow me an account in the future.

Gamban or betblocker. I have Gamban. This is an amazing piece of software I have on all devices which blocks all gambing websites. if a new one pops up you can report it to gamban and they will block quickly. i have this on everything. For anyone who manages to delete it, just speak to Gamban and they will ensure it can't be done.

MOSES. Although I haven't been in a bookmaker for years, this will block you from all betting shops in the areas you ask them to. You can add further areas. it takes about ten minutes on the phone and you send them ID and a picture. As part of giving up you shouldn't go into any gambling venues, even try and walk on the other side of the road, or be like normal people and don't look in.

SENSE This blocks you from casinos

There are other schemes for arcades, motorway adult gaming centres and holiday parks.

Bank blocks. All UK banks can either be phone or put on the app to block your card from gambling transactions. it's not perfect but it helps. Another good thing is to reduce you daily withdrawal limit for cash and don't carry much if any with you

2. Accountability. This really helped me. My partner and mother have full access to my banking apps with the passwords and the same for email. I ask them to regularly check or show them which protects me, makes me accountable for my spending and gives them peace of mind which is important. In terms of cash, i show them how much i have, keep a log of any spending and get receipts for the same reason as before. 

3. Gamcare. I use this amazing space all the time. At the start I was onto the advisors by live text but you can also ring by clicking the talk to someone button bottom right of this page. They are there 24/7, they are experts. You can talk as many times to them as you need and for as long as you need. They want to help and support, they are amazing people. 

Chatrooms - these are amazing. There are newcomers on the chatrooms as well as long term GF. It's safe space with no judgement. We are all there to support each other so you can say whatever you like or just read the conversations

Empowerme - This is an amazing course on here. Just don't try and do it to quickly. Take your time and enjoy the lessons

Text Service - Again on gamcare you can sign up to receive a text each day that helps and offers support with ideas on how to navigate your route to recovery

The Forum. I read a lot of topics on here, replied when I resonated with the wording and talked to people via their topics and diaries. I started a diary which I try to write on every day. You can start your own one. i find it therapy but also helps others. 

4. Evive. The get evive app is amazing out in the States but spans the world. There are topics go up each day and peer support.

5. Counselling. I spoke to the advisors on here and they referred me to Breakeven which has been amazing. There are dedicated services for addiction counselling and gamcare do their own as well. This is really important and has taken me down the journey a lot easier that I thought.

6. GA Gamblers Anonymous. if you go onto the GA website there are meetings in all areas of the UK. There will be details of times and venues and a telephone number. if you are nervous of going in, I was shaking like a leaf, you can ring the number, they will meet you before and let you know what it's like and then walk into the room with you. GA for me is amazing. It's not for everyone but if you find the right room for you then you find your tribe. People in the rooms understand and sharing is an amazing experience. It's not a religious cult in fact religion has been dulled down over the years to represent whatever you believe in. I got to 2 or 3 meetings per week and they are all good but my home group is the best. There are also GA meetings online 24/7 at gamblersinrecovery website. 

7. The 12 steps. In GA when someone is ready you can work the 12 steps. You find a sponsor who you feel is best suited to you and they will guide you through the 12 steps. These were written for AA 100 years ago but are used across over 50 addictions and they are a way to life. i promise you there is an amazing life out there for you 

8. Walking. i don't think i've met anyone in long time recovery who doesn't walk everyday. I needed a huge amount of dopamine because of my gambling and walking gives you positive dopamine and helps rewire the brain. Exercise does the same but I feel walking connects me with nature.

9. Connection. When i was gambling I began to isolate more and more. I was present, just functioning. It was probably in week three that i started talking to people and I loved it. I enjoyed listening and interacting without judging or giving advice unless asked. In terms of telling all those who didn't know about my gambling, i did this on day one, but it's everyone's choice on this. I personally don't think it's healthy for anyone not to know but it's each to their own. The relief when i told everyone was immense and it's allowed me to go down this road to recovery. They were all devastated but i completely emptied my dustbin. There are still things that come out that I have buried away but i tried to tell everything to my partner and mum.

10. Just for today. This was the hardest one for me. I have a shocking past. I can't forget it but if i live in the past i will be friends with my addiction again and it will take over. I am learning to use the past to power me forward, turning a negative into a positive. It's the best way I can make amend for my past. The same goes for the future. Worrying is a waste of energy and it's where the addiction says to you, things will be different this time, you can handle it now and win what you need to. Complacency is where addiction strikes. The only way to make amends for the past and affect the future is what you do today. I try to only think about today and be the best version of Stuart each day. Spending time concentrating on my recovery as well as helping others in a kind and loving way.

11. Eating and sleeping. I only slept three hours per day in action and ate comfort food. It's important to try and sleep, as much as you need and try and eat healthier if you don't already. Sleep and food are the key to life. Try and drink more water instead of stimulating drinks

12. Don't look for shortcuts. Take time over your journey. There is no magic pill or shortcuts so just take it easy and be kind to yourself. Think before you do

13. Research. It was really important to me to research this addiction/disease to try and understand it. There is plenty out there and it has helped me to understand the past and why i did certain things. The money has gone !!! The time has gone !!! Don't try and get either back as you won't. Learning about this addiction will help you to rewire your brain and not go back

14. Youtube videos.  I find these really helpful. Go on youtube and search for gambling addiction stories and there are hundreds. The best channels i've found are Adam at The Modern meeting. Daniel at The Addicted Recovery Show and Rob at ODAAT. You can pick up a lot of advice on there. I also watch drug and alcohol recovery stories. Addiction is addiction whatever it is and by watching these you understand that. Also the two norries in ireland are very good and lived experience as are the other three

15. Podcasts. There are plenty of podcasts to listen to. I've listened to all the ones on the Breakeven website and others. 

16. The Modern Meeting. This is run from the States but has UK people on it. It's very GA style and is amazing. You can access it via the get evive app and call out to Adam for a link. It's 1am on a Tuesday morning UK time but they are looking to add a better timed one for the UK

17. Reading. I hadn't read a book since I was 7 even though i worked in publishing for 36 years. I love reading now.

18. Beating the urges. I don't really get urges but i do get thoughts. I either go for a walk, do a crossword or something to take my mind off it

19. Giving service to my family. With all the extra time from not gambling I keep our home tidy, washing done, ironing up to date and odd jobs around the house. It's so rewarding. I've even tried cooking. 

20. Caring for yourself. It was really difficult for me to do this as I felt depressed but you need to be proud and kind to yourself. Start rebuilding your life

21. Support network. This is incredibly important. I have a support network of people I can call or meet when i need to and many of the above things I can turn to when i need it. It's important to understand that you can't do this on your own, I certainly couldn't. My thinking got myself into this mess and it's not my thinking that will get me out of it. This is a lifetime commitment .. Build that support network that works for you but don't try and force people into it. it will all work out.

22. Friendships. Try and not interact with people who you gambled with if possible or ask them not to talk about it and support you. There is no point in tempting yourself. if you are serious about this it means no betting, no lottery, no raffles, nothing where there is any risk for reward as it could take you back.

23. Money. It took me time but I reconnected with the value of money. Try and save a little if you can

24. Debts. This will be different for everyone but I spoke to Stepchange to sort them out. Be honest and tell them it's through gambling and if you still to the banks etc do the same. They have specialist departments to help. Make sure you can afford payments and don't make things difficult by more stress. it's going to take time but you don't need more stress with what you are dealing with already.

25. Journaling and planning. I write all the things out I need to do in the week. I don't worry if they all don't get done but I plan it morning and afternoon. if something doesn't get done just move it on a day and don't worry. I have a lot to concentrate on and it's easy to forget things while my brain is repairing and rewiring. Journaling or diary writing is really good and I have one on here. it helps me to be heard and get things out plus it will help other people reading it. We are all at different stages of our own journeys

26. Enjoy. After about month one had passed I started to enjoy recovery and all of the things above. I learned not to add all of them on at once but slowly build them up. Not all of the suggestions will work for everyone

27. Starting the day. Now when this was first suggested to me I laughed. I'm not into "well being" therapies but then i realised that each day in action, I would wake up early after 3 hours sleep, first thought was how much money is in my betting accounts and bank account, then answer a few emails that came in overnight, work out what bets I was going to do and play the casino all before work. if I won it was going to be a good day. if i lost it was going to be a bad one. So I was basically gambling the actual day away win or lose. Now I wake up, i say the Serenity Prayer, I do 10 minutes guide meditation from youtube, then I write a gratitude list of 10 things I am grateful for. I then get up get shower and get dressed, get the kids ready, drop my partner and work and then come back and go for a walk. It's just a great way to start the day and means that everyday is a good day ! Just try it. 

28. Don't be afraid to learn. In gambling we all think we know everything. Listen to everyone and learn from everyone as no one knows all the answers but everyone knows some of the answers. Open your mind to suggestions, listen to others. 

Well i don't think I have left anything out but I probably have. Good luck to anyone reading this and come on the chatrooms to talk more. 

Stuart