Good Morning,
I have been trying to recover from gambling for a few years now and it has once again reared its ugly head yesterday.I thought i would share my story to help anyone else that belives they may have a problem. Writing this now i am completely drained of all energy after basically clearing my savings yesterday which i spent over 9 months saving up. Why did i do it...i have no answer to that right now, i had a win a few weeks back which set me on a run again of gambling, with my savings and a win i felt great, it felt good to be on top for once. I knew however deep down that there was a possiblility it could all come to an end. Nearly £5000 later and im a completely different person to who i was this time yesterday. Yesterday i was a confident, happy person to be around. Im now very enclosed person very worried about my future, right at this moment there doesnt feel like a future exists for me that doesnt involve more relapses, as i say i have been though this before. Is it depression, boredom, greed perhaps i dont know.
I have placed bets on football accumulators and the occassional dog race but the only gambling which completely destroys me are Fixed Odds Betting Terminals. Every single time i have had a major loss it has been because of these machines. Yesterday the guy behind the counter felt for me but at no point stopped me. 3k in and tearing my hair out you would think something has to be done but i fully understand i am an adult of 29 and it is my choice to do what i did. That being said i have seen and spoken to many people who agree that there is something about these machines, both the rapidity and amount you can stake which turns you into a completely different person with no time to think between spins of a roulette wheel. I understand that others can handle it but im clearly one that once i get in that zone its all or nothing once in a while which can as i have discovered once again set me back and really really hurt me. Luckily i am single and havent hurt anyone over this except myself. I had a great girlfriend a few years back but we broke up and i think deep down i know the time i spent gambling etc should have been spent with her. Going forward from here will be difficult, acting happy at work etc is always a challenge as im a nice guy and i like to at least stay that way in public however i know that inside i will be hurting a great deal. I am at rock bottom currently and i am lucky my credit card and overdrafts are very small and i can pay them off at the next pay day no problem and still live for the month but how from now on do i live with myself knowing what could have been. Time-Money-Location, these are going to have to become my complete life rules, remove one and i cant gamble.
Hi Relapse155
I am feeling many similar emotions to you right now. When you say "yesterday I was a confident, happy person to be around. I'm now very enclosed, very worried" I can totally relate to that. Three weeks ago, after a winning streak on roulette, I was on a huge high and a very happy person to be around. Life was good. Fast forward three weeks and I have lost all those 'winnings' and got myself hugely in debt trying to regain the money back. It is all lost. I am so gutted, miserable and angry at myself that I can't put on this happy, confident persona any more. Why do we do this to ourselves.
At least you can pay back what you have lost and don't have big debts. Be thankful for that. I just wanted to say I totally share your feelings.
Good luck.
Hi BowWow,
Why do we do this to ourselves.....good question. I have tried to answer that for the last few years. I think some of the gambling products in particular have a hold over some people that almost cant be quantified. You are correct i am not hugely in debt and am currently as the dust settles happy about that at least but i have been there i have been in debt and the numbness i felt is a feeling i cant really explain. I think only those that have been there can know the feeling. the good news you can get out of it, step by step, day by day. Life was good yesterday, unfortunately i am someone that kind of links money in pocket to self worth. terrible i know but true. I think its the options money provides that makes me feel good. Therefore its the feeling i have to go without for sometime that will upset me. Im 29 and have nothing to show for it due to this terrible mainly hidden addiction. I wish you all the very best in your recovery.
Well a couple of days away from gambling and I start again to see things differently, it's unreal. Things I had no interest in I suddenly want to do, even watching films whereas before it was one track gambling mind...next spin of the wheel. Why on earth can't I feel like this when I have money. Anyway felt very depressed today at times but am doing all I can to think of the future, I will this weekend concentrate on trying to improve myself in anyway I can
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