Can't take another day

I completely relate to your story. The same thing happened with my parents. They got worried and wanted to help but they couldn’t do anything because it was in me. I completely understand. You don’t know why you keep doing it but you just find yourself doing it. I myself was suicidal for ages because of gambling. Family gave up on me, lost my girlfriend because she thought I was a loser. Felt pathetic and ridiculous for ages. Just wanted to kill my self and stop the pain forever. I understand the feeling it’s horrible. Recovery starts from really really wanting to stop. Like it’s the most important thing in your life. Every thought or urge can’t hurt you. You don’t have to act on them. Strength and belief in yourself that you are better than this. Take care

Hi you sound very alone. Please see your gp for your depression. Find a GA meeting and get some real support. Those people in that room will all have felt like you, some worse. They understand and it will make you accountable, give be you a purpose to stop. Willpower doesn't do it. Hand over finances to your parents, self exclude, join gamstop, fund other things to occupy you. This is progressive. Call gamcare and talk to someone, all confidential.

Hi guys

First of all thank you for taking the time to read my thread. It really helped getting all that off my chest last night, and i'm feeling a bit more positive this morning. Rough night sleep but it was to be expected.

Joey - how long do you reckon it took before you felt the urges start to subside a bit, if at all? This is not my first attempt to quit. I have managed almost 3 weeks in the past and I did start to feel like things were getting easier, my mentality was getting better, I was back down the gym, but I saw an opportunity to make money on a certain machine, I caved, I made money, and as soon as I made that decision I was back to square one and skint within the week. This time, it really is all over, I will play no description of machine ever again. I've done it too many times, surely I know where it leads now.

I have gamban installed on my PC, but I quickly found a way around that. I have tried to register for gamstop but for some reason they cannot ID me based on the information I provide, so I need to fill out this form and send them all sorts of documents, and it sounds pathetic but I just haven't had the motivation to sit down and do that, such a simple, important task. When I get in from work today, it's going to be the first thing I do. I will also be visiting the gym this evening - I used to be an avid gym goer but over the last 2 or so years I have lost motivation for that, too, and have gained weight. Not much, but enough to reduce my self confidence even more.

I've got 2 holidays next month which I have paid for earlier in the year, probably at times where i've been winning. I'm glad of this, as it'll get me away from situations where I can gamble. if I can stay strong until the first of these, I feel like this time round i've got a serious chance of beating this. My parents have recommended I go the the GP for my depression, and I will be arranging an appointment. The thing is, I know why i'm depressed, I know what I need to do to get over the depression. It's simple, stop gambling. It sounds so god d**n easy doesn't it!

Another issue i've got is watching youtube channels. Spend loads of my free time watching youtube videos of other people playing fruits, online slots, AWPs etc. I've told myself before that this is harmless, but who am I kidding. It's got to stop too. Cold turkey on the videos, my youtube account has been deleted.

Here goes my first full day of not gambling, not because I have no money, but because I want and need to do this.

HI, gambling has taken your confidence, self respect and motivation away. It isolates you from others and makes you anti social, most gamblers do so alone, it makes us secretive. Your work attendance, social life and well being are being affected through gambling. It seems as if the gambling has an affect on your mental state now.

To beat this problem you have to want to quit 100%, no excuses or half arsed efforts. Willpower alone is definitely not enough and you need to confess the scale of your problem to your parents, you need their support. This time when you tell them, don't say that you promise to stop,you know that won't happen as you do not have the willpower. You need to hand over all your finances to your parents to immediately remove temptation, this will give you all a chance to regrpoup and put a plan in place, counselling, GA or a doctor to help you. You won't beat this on your own and I think your parents will be more devastated, if in 20 years time you were still a gambler and achieved nothing in life.

The advice is all on this site,if you look for it. I am 20 years older than you, I quit gambling 7 months ago and my life has improved in so many ways, not just financially. Gambling affects your employment, social life, relationships and health. I know this for a fact, I only wish I had I had quit in my 20's as I have wasted so many years of my life. Take action now.

Hi Lando

Great post by greenflash - all the advice is there so I won't repeat.

Just remember it is the future that matters. We have all made mistakes and poor choices in the past which we cannot change. We all do have a choice on what happens from today onwards. You can continue to gamble and continue to feel depressed and have limited life opportunities or you can stop gambling forever and become the life of the party again, have your self respect back and have a fulfilling life to look forward to. Only you can make that choice but do you really want to give up a decent life for the sake of a few spinning wheels?

Keep posting and good luck.

Great posts from you both, thank you. I'm going to message my parents now and ask them if, as of next month, I can transfer them my surplus money that I've got left after rent, bills and debt repayments go out. This is a step I have not taken during previous attempts to quit, and something that I feel will give me much more of a chance.
If anyone has got any more experience, or better ideas of how I can do this, then please let me know. I want to quit more than anything else in the world, I'd give anything to be free of this pain.

Hi lando

One quick bit of practical advice is to find something productive to do with the extra time you are now going to have you are no longer gambling or watching youtube videos of gambling. Does not matter what it is - get back to the gym, get a new hobby, reconnect with old friends, focus on developing your career, anything really. I do believe the saying about the devil finding work for idle hands especially when those urges come, which they will. I started going out for long very brisk walks which helped me clear my head of thoughts away from the lure of phones and tablets.

I used to be quite into PC gaming, so I plan on getting back into that, alongside regular visits to the gym and joining a sports club or two.
I have spoken to my parents and they are happy to control my finances.

Good start lando92, without money you cannot gamble, In those first few months I found this absolutely critical, as some days I may have been tempted. The urge to want to gamble is longer there but I am aware something could trigger an episode, so I choose not to carry cash.

After 3 months I felt so much better and my financial situation improved massively, I earn good money but had absoutely nothing to show for it except credit card debt, which is utterly shameful. I can assure you your mental and financial situation will improve rapidly once you stop gambling, I felt terrible back in January, but by March the world was a better place.

All the best and keep posting if you need advice.

Persist with Gamstop. Mr L had the same issues registering. I think it might be something to do with the fact he has a PAYG mobile (something to seriously consider if you use your phone to gamble) and no phone contract but I can't be 100% on that. Getting registered was a painful process but it happened in the end and lots here credit it with saving a gambling episode or stalling urges in their tracks.

Read some of the diaries on here and see that you are not alone . Start your own too . I found that vital over the first few weeks . Change your habits your routine . Soon the urges will go especially when you see the benefits of stopping not just financially but physically and mentally . I like others have had another 20 years of living that life and at some point it was overwhelming and I knew it had to stop . You can do this !!!