Hi, it's my first time posting. I'm 47 year old female who started gambling at work 4 years ag and have lost over£30,000 in that short time even though I don't have a high paid job (only earn £9 per hour). Have just confessed my latest stumble to my husband and he said he's had enough and wants us to go our separate ways. I don't blame him (he doesn't know the half of it either, the £6500 loan I took out last month in my brothers name which I don't know if I will be able to make the payments, the 2 months mortgage which I am behind with and money I have used from work £1200 which will end up with me getting the sack and prosecuted probably this weekend when they find out. My youngest is 19 and I feel like they will be better off without me tempted to just walk out of the house and just disappear and am still thinking about gambling. (I manage a small social club and have been gambling at work on slot machines at £2 a go, list about £800 yesterday before the place was even open)
Hi ksc. Well done for finally asking for help. Call gamcare for support. Call stepchange for finances. Confess to you husband and your work. Find a GA meeting. You have to act now, admit the problem and seek real help. Hand over finances to your husband. Make the choice to not gamble today.
Hi Merry go round.
I know from past experiences work will defiantly not be sympathetic and will sack and prosecute me, which I expect the other problem is my two sons work behind the bar too, and although they can't sack them for what I have done I think hearing all the people talking about me they will leave their jobs as they will feel so ashamed. My father in law and uncle and brother in law are all members too and this will bring great shame to them which I am finding it hard to live with. My wage this week will cover £320 of this leaving me with 0 and still owing them £900 and my husband is only on minimum wage so can't help out, not that I think he will offer. I live opposite work and am due in at 3 pm today and I am dreading it. It effects so many people all my three sons friends drink there too. About ten years before I worked there the steward took about £10,000 and they sacked and prosecuted him and they sill continue to talk and s**g him off to this day wishing he was dead etc like he was some kind of child murderer even though I'm guessing his was to found a gambling problem with horse racing and the could find numerous instances where he ha been over banking to try and pay it back. I am going to have to tell them by Sunday and I feel so sick about it. I have screwed up lots of lives and see no way out of this mess xx
Hi there sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in . Gambling makes us do stupid and irrational things and leads us to lie , beg , borrow and steal . There are several layers to your story and you need to address them individually although they are intermingled . Work - well I think you know that eventually you will get found out if you continue to hide it . You will have to face this sooner or later and better on the front foot than the back foot . Perhaps they will understand if you explain the situation and make promises to pay back direct out of your wage . I honestly don’t know but I can only think to be brutally honest . Your relationship - well no one wants to be with a long term gambler . You have lost the trust and that is something you will need to rebuild . The loan - again you can’t bury your head in the sand . You need to discuss with your brother and also the loan company . Yourself - that’s the biggest issue here . You need to seek help and support wherever you can . Don’t carry your own money , no access to bank . GA meeting ASAP if there is one . Ring Gamcare . None of the first 3 elements here will be sorted unless you say to yourself that’s enough with the gambler in me and put some steps in place . I’m not sure how this is going to pan out for you BUT I can say that it’s only going to get worse should you not see this as hitting rock bottom and continue with this lifestyle (if you can call it that ) . However there is some light here . Should you decide to chose a better life here and leave gambling behind things will get much better very quickly . I am testament to this and a lot of others on this site . You are not alone but you also need to understand that you now have a definite cross roads where you chose to go next is down to you
Hi love...well done for coming here .....
I'm assuming you're under a committee at the club....
It's all going to come out .....so for what it's worth I would contact a member of the committee asking for a chat....you're going to have to come clean....again I'm assuming you've used club money and the books have to be straight by Sunday....
Maybe .....they will allow a time to repay....although they'll obviously be concerned off you're trust worthiness regarding cash flow. ..but if you go to them....and be honest....rather than them finding out .....it will....I would think..soften the blow. ...
I hear what youre saying about all the shame.....that was the thing I struggled with most.....I run a small pub....and had to tell my landlords I was an addict....hence why i had rent arrears....his reaction was amazing. ....we agreed payment schedule to sort...I know it's not the same situation.....but I'm just trying to show you.....some times our imagination runs riot....
And things can be sorted.....but only when we're open and honest...
I know what you mean about pub gossip. ....it's rife. ..but again love...the only way is to hold you're hands up and be honest...you're an addict...it's an illness...please speak to them...before they find out...
Don't take any more money and put in machine love... thinking you'll win it all back....we've all tried that....and you know deep down it won't work....everything seems such a tangled mess...work...theft...hubby...kids...friends...and you'll be feeling like everthing is impossible to try and start sorting out....you can't do it on you're own. ...please find the strength to talk to commitee. ..family....and gamcare helpline...
And keep posting here....x
Hello Ksc,
It sounds like you are feeling under pressure, in a tight corner, with your current situation. It is great to see the good support our forum members have shared with you.
You can also call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133, if you'd like information about local support in your area, or if you'd just like to talk for emotional support. Our lines are staffed until midnight, after midnight if you feel like talking there is always the 24 hour freephone for the Samaritans 116 123 https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us The Samaritans also have branches in many towns across the country where you can sit with a Samaritan face-to-face if you prefer talking in person locally.
You mentioned that sometimes you have felt like leaving home and disappearing; it sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed at times, and wishing for some way to escape your difficulties. You could talk with your GP, if you are finding it hard to handle your levels of stress or anxiety. Your GP can also be a source of information about local services.
Some of our forum members have obtained information from their local Citizens Advice about employment rights, debt advice, details of local law centres and other types of support. https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
If you call us on 0808 8020 133, we could look to see what else might be available in your local area, as well share information with you about our free therapy services for recovery from problem gambling.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Hope you're shift went better than you thought....please ring the helpline in the morning love x
Hi Ksc.
Welcome and well done for coming on here.
I am well aware what a gambling addiction is all about and your born again moment is the openness and honesty to admit to a gambling addiction. Your defence is to a very large degree is the power of a gambling addiction. Its a fact that a gambling addiction thinks nothing of relationships families homes bills and lives. When I gambled everything else was secondary. It did flash through my mind that I was letting people down but the urge was too strong and I felt compelled to gamble.
A gambling addiction is like any drug addiction. Its not just being silly or greedy for money. Only someone that doesnt understand how gambling works on the brain thinks that...some people who dont understand addiction will continue to be cruel about it.
I know the situation isnt easy but the way forward is getting help and understand that its not all your fault. yes we bear responsibility but gambling to our levels is a mental illness.
I would say that at no point did you think I will spend everybodys money with an evil laugh...Its far different to that as gambling just gets you hooked...the walk over to the slots can seem quite calm but its a really strong draw. I couldnt stop when I was doing it. I thought for a moment about stopping but couldnt do it. Even if something came out I couldnt stop and it all went back in again
I too could waste hundreds of pound in one session. I cant believe it was me that did that now so there is a recovery path for you
You reach out for all the help on offer and take this carefully. The main issue is that you need to stop gambling so you need to be on an allowance and away from the machines. Its hard to say but that is the major issue that caused all those problems.
I feel a mix of emotions but mainly an anger that gambling is so deregulated and does this to people. Its not ever a harmless activity in my opinion as it creates addicts and I would never have known when to stop as Im not wired to lose money...I was hooked to the drug of playing and I was ill and delusional.
Take it a step at a time and get advice. I do see openess and honesty creating a born again moment. I even went to church at one point which was very soothing.
You are not alone and must never feel as though you are.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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