Hello, first day here I'm Jake

Welcome aboard Chefjake u are in safe place and u are not alone what u are experiencing is an addiction like many of us in here however things can change for the better with the right support along with the usual blocks in place things will get better i am 930 days since my last bet and their few others who have managed alot longer then me and their others who will give u better advice then me feel free to read the forum and u can always ask for help from the gamcare team if u need to talk your partner can also join gamcare and learn about the addiction side of things alot of us here are normal people and it took me many attempts to realise i cannot gamble and their are times i will be tested and it those time i need the extra support am sure their will be other people offering help and guidence i come on here quite often to remind myself and it just become a habit to login if u have any questions u can contact the team you should be proud👍

@tazman  firstly congratulations on your own journey that's really awesome to hear , and thank you, it took my wife calling me out to realise I had and issue and all my will power not to argue and defend myself a d just hold my hands up because I didn't want to admit I had failed her and my two little boys who deserve so much better

Hi Jake

How anyone gets here is different and many like me need that push to wake up and admit it's an addiction. No matter how much you try you cannot control the gambling, it controls you. I'm only 70 days GF but I've spent 44 years gambling and have no urge to ever go back but this journey is one day at a time. I've spent hours upon hours working on my recovery realising that I couldn't just switch one light off and another one on. The biggest thing I didn't realise is what a great life everyone has in recovery, a gamble free life, being present with family and friends and much more. There are things you can do to help get through this and I would love the honour of talking to you and just let you know what's worked for me, no preaching just some ideas you can try. I will be on the 6pm, 7pm.and 8pm chatrooms today if you can join and I'm always on the 8pm one each night. 

If you haven't already it's a very good idea to get the blocks in place. Very few people can do this without support and blocks are the first place to start. Gamstop is where you can self excluded yourself from all online gambling. Gamban on all your devices blocks you looking at any gambling website. Moses self excludes you from betting shops, sense from casinos and there are schemes for arcades, bingo halls etc. if you really want to stop gambling you need to stop everything lottery, raffles even a bet between friends.

This really worked for me and it's incredibly important to click the speak to someone button on here bottom right. You can either ring the number and talk to advisor or you can go on live text chat with them. They are utterly amazing, they listen and don't judge and are experts in the recovery field. In my first week I spent hours each day on live chat to them and they completely changed my life one day at a time. Everyone on here can help you through this and concentrate just on today and not the future 

Hopefully see you in the chatrooms later and we are all here for each other

My thoughts are with you 

Stuart

@lp5vut869c have already got all blocks in place, and my finances in my wife's control, I appreciate the words of encouragement, struggled to sleep last night because usually if gamble then sleep on a down but knowing the damage I've done to my family I just couldn't rest well, so going to take a nap then get to some house work to try and fill my time, I will try pop into the chat rooms for atleast one of the sessions today and spoke to an advisor on the 24hr line for a couple hours yesterday as well as emailing the support team.

Well done Jake. That's the first steps. In the chatrooms everyone has lived experience. Some many years of being gamble free some less so but we've all taken that huge leap like you or day one. That and the first few weeks are the hardest. It doesn't get easy but it gets a little easier each day 

The chatrooms have been a life changer for me. The support and advice there is amazing 

I will look out for you later and we can have a chat 

If you want to ask me any questions at all just put them on this diary and I will be open and honest, ask me anything, I'm no expert but I'm sure I can help and would like to

Stuart

@lp5vut869c thank you and I'm sure at some point I will have some questions I want to ask, today feels like a bad one and I think it's because my two boys are at childcare, which they always are Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and my wife is working, but because I know my wife isn't sure she wants to stay with me and that's mean breaking up our family all I can think is this would be my new normal and I'm really struggling with motivation or energy to do anything

Hi Jake

I'm still at that point 10 weeks on so I really feel for you. All I would say is what I've come to realise but your situation is unique to you. I can't make my partner stay, I've told her so many lies that she won't believe anything I say nor should I try and convince her anything that isn't her own will. All I can do is get myself better and action my conviction to be a better person and the person she fell in love with. That's where one day at a time comes in which isn't easy for anyone as we all worry about the future. We can't affect the future through worry, we can only affect the future by what we do today. Worry and stress is what got us to this point and is wasted energy rather than working on ourselves to be the good people we really are. That's easier said than done and something I continue to work on. Each time I think about the future and find myself worrying about it, I know I have to bring myself back into the present and concentrate on today only. If I am a good, kind, honest and non gambling person today then this will make tomorrow better

It's day one for you mate and like I said im no expert on just ten weeks but it's working for me. My life is a million times better than 18th November last year. I will never forget the 44 years of harm I did to myself and so many others but it's my reminder and power source to turn my life around one small step each day. 

Stuart

@lp5vut869c yeh I've managed to get out of bed and tidy up the house and sort some errands that needed doing but still just stuck in this position of why bother fixing myself of I still lose everyone I love around me, and I know I'm not doing this only for them but to make myself better and give myself a better life but I find myself always coming back to the same thought of my two little boys not having the morning routine we have and me missing out on them

Hi Jake

It's not easy mate but nothing will work out unless you fix yourself and you know that. It sounds like your boys are you world so you could use that as your driving force, not reaching you to suck eggs. I have two amazing children, one is non verbal autistic which is my son and my daughter is epileptic. They are my force to grow to be the dad they think I am 

Stuart

@zq7i2rjg1p 

The 7pm chatroom tonight is on relationships. 6pm is money and 8pm is general. You can still talk about anything in them but it would be good if you can meet me in the 7pm one. I can't share my whole story or you would be reading for days and fall asleep, it's also not unique from anyone else but I would love to talk about what's happened to me partner wise in case in some way it helps mate

Stuart

@lp5vut869c yeh my wife and my boys keep me moving forward day to day, made me face up to past trauma and make me want to be a better dad and husband, My eldest son is just about to turn 4 and been referred for an autism assessment and my youngest is 17months and just start to string words together and show his personality. I know for this to work it has to be for me first and foremost that wants the change, and I really do, but my driving force will always be my boys and ensuring they have a better upbringing than I did myself but this really does make me feel like I have failed my family and that is a hard feeling to swallow. I should be on the chatrooms tonight but I've got to do some more house work and then the boys and wife will be home and I'm currently still feeling a bit awkward and unsure how to act around my wife because my feelings for her haven't changed but hers have and I understand that but kinda feel like a stranger in my own home and then no doubt another night on the couch feeling like I'm destined to ruin everything I need and want in life

@lp5vut869c I'll defo be in the 7pm chat but 6pm might be more difficult because that's when the boys go to bed and I don't want to miss out on that because it might not be something I get very often going forward

@zq7i2rjg1p 

Hi Jake

Someone gave me some very good advice. Don't expect your wife to say well done for anything especially housework etc. Bite your tongue and avoid any arguments. This is going to take a long time. Don't talk about recovery or gambling unless she asks but you have to be honest however much it worries you telling her. If she doesn't know everything then tell her. Stuff coming up later on which will be devastating for her so you need a clean slate and tell her the lot. 

Stuart

@lp5vut869c yeh she knows everything, I have given her access to both my banking apps and statements and my wages get paid to her I have told her about it and I don't want thanks for housework or anything all I want is a little bit of leeway and enough forgiveness to give me a chance to show in worth keeping around