I need to change but I’m finding it a real struggle

Welcome to the forum @Chris, I'm sure you will receive valuable insight and support from other forum members, but please remember we are available on the helpline 24/7, via live chat, Whatsapp or through phone call on 0808 8020 133. 

We also offer referrals for 1 to 1 support through our helpline to guide you through recovery - if you contact the helpline an adviser can set these up for you.

You can also join our group chatrooms which run daily from 8-9pm, and are a great way to get live support from the community and help to maintain gamble free days.

I'm sorry to hear it has been affecting your mental health - please don't be alone with this, as there are many services to support you.

Firstly your GP can offer mental health support, and you can also find local services in your area through contacting the charity MIND. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Samaritans are a charity that can be reached on 116 123 anytime, and if you feel in crisis please reach out to 999/NHS111 for urgent mental health support.

You can also text 'SHOUT' to 85258 anytime for text-based emotional support, if you didn't feel like speaking on the phone.

Take care,

Phoebe

Forum Admin

Hi Chris,

Welcome to the GamCare forum, you've found a good place here to connect and talk if you want that.

Do you feel up to sharing more details around your gambling behaviours, for us to understand your situation in a little more detail? How long have you been with Gamstop and have had Gamban installed for, and which other forms of gambling are you finding routes around?

The chatrooms on here are great, if you feel up to coming to chat with fellow addicts on the road to recovery. They are text chat only, so no cameras. 

Have you spoken to an advisor on here? They are great, and will be able to signpost and refer you to further support and therapy. 

All the best - Fran

Hi Chris

I strongly agree with what Phoebe and Fran have said and wanted to offer a couple of ideas. 126 days ago I had gambled compulsively for 44 years and if you told me I would give up I would have laughed. So I entered into recovery. 

I spoke to the advisors on here regularly who are amazing and went to the chatrooms, to text chat with people who didn't judge, would listen and help, so I finally found my tribe and my people.

So in terms of stopping I knew I had a lot of repetitive conditioning to work through but the first thing was to put as much friction between me and the next bet as possible. I knew from previous experience that the first bet would never be enough and would take me back into a worse tumble dryer of chaos in my mind and an ever increasing amount of harm to myself and others, whether that be money, time or mental well-being. So blocks are really good and you have two in place but I needed as much multi layer protection as possible. Like you I put in place Gamban on everything, Gamstop, gamprotect and even self excluded on all my operator sites to make sure. For extra security I registered with Moses and sense. That was quite robust but I felt, knowing how cunning my addiction helped me be, I simply needed more to close any loop holes. So next I moved my banking to Monzo as it's online with no branches so large withdrawals couldn't be done. I blocked gambling transactions on the app and reduced my cash machine withdrawal down to £20 per day. I spent my cash down to £30.

Still needed more so I started to sort out some accountability. Here we might differ if you haven't told anyone as I had, thank goodness as the relief was huge. I told my partner what the passwords were for my banking app and email. I left my phone by her for periods of time so she could check whenever she wanted. Each time I went to see my parents, and still do, I show them all the transactions on the app. I started to get receipts for everything I bought and put them in a mug so my Mrs could look whenever she wanted. At this point I had stopped access in numerous ways to bet.

Next I worked on connection. I isolated in addiction so the opposite would always be connection. I joined GA, started talking to everyone in my day to day life...just short conversations and I started to open up and tell people when I was having a bad day. I came on the chatrooms here and posted as well. This started to built my support network but also accountability 

For any urges that came along I added walking, crosswords and reading to my support network. This i could call upon whenever I felt down or any thoughts about gambling

I don't want to bombard you with too much but I managed to get referred for free counselling through the advisors here.

Along with numerous other things I put in place it's got me to say 125, well now it's 126, living one day at a time, a simpler life which I have no intention ever giving up as it's amazing.

One of the biggest things that helps me is starting each day with a simple routine to stay me gamble free each day

When I wake up, I meditate using guided meditation on YouTube for ten minutes. I say the serenity prayer and I write my gratitude list of ten things I am thankful for. This starts the day perfectly each day 

Hey Chris,

I feel your pain mate. 

Im 20 days gamble free from a 16 year addiction and have found this community really helpful!

I would strongly recommend ringing through to gamcare and getting a weekly call from a licensed practitioner, mine is amazing.

After years of my mental health declining, I finally havw hope! 

I wish you well my guy, the people above are all really insporational, so I will tell you somwthing really specific that helps me. 

I have been watching a lot of videos of the science behind why we are addicted amd how the brain reacts to gambling. I have found understanding it makes it easier than just blaming yourself for being stupid (I have always done this). Theres a great video on youtube about Paul Merson getting his brain scanned, check it out. 

Good luck to you, seeking out help is the first step in the right direction

Thanks for your responses all. I feel better getting it off my chest and speaking to people that have dealt with the same and understand has really helped. 

how do you deal with the urges you get to gamble? I feel like if I can find a solution to this it will help me steer clear of constantly losing and get my head back together. 

Chris don't be embarrassed or ashamed, and while I realise that's easily said but not done, however everyone reading this will either know the way you feel or have a loved one that felt that way. My first week on this site was tragic, I was a mess, felt hopeless, lost, like I was destined for this path and that I wasn't worth getting help. My wife and boys on the verge of leaving and my finances a mess. Week 1 was brutal wouldn't wish it on anyone, week 2 I started to get some clarity and understanding, I think understanding the addiction and more to the point why you are doing it is really helpful in recovery... Mine trauma related escapism that's my curse we all have one, or multiple. There is a lot of really helpful videos on YouTube about addiction and recovery stories. If you'd asked me in my first week of I'd make it if have laughed I thought I'd be homeless alone and probably end up dead ... 58 days later, still gamble free wife stood by my side and supported me, my boys are seeing me more present and playful rather than anxious and angry. My life in general is 1000times better and I'm only just getting started in recovery, addiction is a thief of connection, joy and happiness... Don't let it take that from you 

@zq7i2rjg1p thanks for your reply. It sounds like you are doing so well and long may it continue. Speaking to people like yourself have really opened my eyes and I now know that I’m not alone. It’s the initial urges I struggle with and I need to find something else to occupy my time and not let the urges take over

Hi Chris

How are you getting on mate ? Good week ?

@lp5vut869c 

hi Stuart,

not so great, still keep finding ways to lose. I seem to have 0 willpower what so ever and the urges just take over. Finding it very tough but need to do something as this can’t keep going on 

Have you spoken to the advisors on here to get some counselling ? 

@lp5vut869c not yet, I think I need to. I can go a few days without doing any I just need to fight the urges to play more.

I want to reinforce what Stuart is advising you mate. 

I was where you are only recently, they teach you things like Time, Money and Access. How removing one of these stops the gambling. 

How to combat a gambling urge and the process, im still getting regular support and its amazing 🙂 

Don't feel guilty for lapsing, keep coming back here for a support. You are not alone!

Hi Chris

In terms of urges I would imagine they last a maximum of half an hour ? Try and find something to do when they come like going for a walk, giving someone a call, doing a crossword ? All these give dopamine and then the urge goes

In all honesty, stopping gambling isn't about cold turkey. Once you have the blocks in place, get accountability and support network built, then it's about working on the problem. 

Gambling isn't the problem, it's what we see as the solution to the problem. Work on the problem and the compulsion to gamble will go away, for the simple reason that you don't need a solution. 

The reasons I gambled were loneliness, immaturity, boredom, stress and escapism. I wanted to hide from life and it's problems and wound walk back into the fog every time. 

So every day I work on my character defects and stop being afraid so I have no urges to gamble