I seriously need some help.....

I've said it before & I'll say it again, all of the above! You're not unique in your thinking about 'winning back' any money that you have to spend & there's people on here that have spent £300 on a pint of milk & not gotten the pint!

You said you were all ears but you're not really & maybe you can do this your way, fully engaging with the counselling & going to GA but there's a reason why people here are beating you with cyber sticks to come clean (GA is no different)...It's the right thing to do! Have you actually really stopped to consider your girlfriend? Many partners fear an affair & you admit to being lost in your phone or distracted during conversations, she more than anyone has good reason to mistrust you & having the painful conversation now may actually help to alleviate some of her concerns, especially since you are so convinced that financially you are safe.

10k in savings making thruppence ha'penny is not savings when you have debt over 3 times that (regardless of how that is managed) it's temptation! I know, I've remortgaged, sold properties & blown inheritance whilst shopping around to save pennies on my food bill. Here's an idea, why not work hard, make your non savings up to 11k so that you can clear your tax bill & not have to sell your other property? And here's the reason why...That sale is your golden ticket! It gets you out of debt & gives you a little bit to play with...Been there, done that, ran up huge debts again. We cannot win because we cannot stop & you may have been happy just winning small amounts because a) you were in action & b) you were winning but this is progressive & the highs stop being highs & losses more acceptable the longer we stay @ it.

Your previous decisions have not been financially sound (you have borrowed thousands on credit cards) you got lucky on the housing market & now risk losing everything because you think you made a few rash decisions. They weren't rash decisions, they are the actions of a compulsive gambler & they will continue to happen whilst you are so wrapped up in the financials of it...This isn't about holding your own financially, it's about being open & honest with someone you purport to love & not using them as an excuse. Gambling is a dirty little secret...It's taken me 3 years of help to come clean to my colleagues, over 2 to tell my Nan & even then I'm not wearing a CG badge! You don't need to shout it from the rooftops but you need to accept your original diagnosis & reason for coming here & not let addiction convince you you are ok because you have something to sell.

My rock bottom was realising that if I didn't get help I wasn't going to be able to keep robbing Peter to pay Paul. I too have a small property portfolio & a good job but I can assure you that wouldn't have been the case without recovery. I have something more now too, I have hope - ODAAT

Hi Mate, I'm 30k in debt due to Gambling..I realised the time to stop when i was in profit but wanted more..chased and lost in all in 10 minuites. Got no more money to bet..I have in a similar situation to you..though got a child and probably earn less. Did not want to risk my future. Will take me years to pay but the mane issue is got no urges to gamble..even when the gambling sites give me " free" money to bet. I've joined a gym which focuses your mind..downloaded few old school games..have not told anyone as would feel ashamed. I'm now in a good place..You will get over this and if you can pay your debt off quickly then a bonus..just keep yourself busy with work and your guitar hobby. Take Care Raj

Thanks for your comments oddt. I can completely see where you are coming from, howeverI brought my last house in Oct 2007 with my now ex just before the last recession (which no one predicted ), I held onto it and rented rooms out which allowed me to save, that property I brought for 183k is now worth 230k at the low it was 169, hence I've made all the right decisions. The 30k on credit cards is all interest free over long periods allowing money in banks to make interest. When I consider how much I have it always includes those cards it's not debt just sitting there. Therefore I am inherently pretty good with money and always have been......bar this terrible addiction that has taken a grip over me like it clearly has so many other people. I can see how this affects the lowest and the highest earners exactly the same .

I guess I knew I always had this in me , but when I've gambled before it's been controlled....quit when ahead. I've been through a few traumatic years with my GF for one reason and another, and I think I hit a bit of depression a few years back...that fuelled with the CG waiting to happen was the catylyst. A lot of friends are having kids and got married and we're at that age where your circle of friends meet up a lot less so a guess a bit of Bordem thrown in there as well.

I am trying to understand my mind and how it got to this situation you struck a chord when you said the more you play the more accepting of the big losses you become...lost a sense of money and value totally

I was never interested in making money it was about winning back from the original loss from Jan , that was always the only plan but I guess had i done that nothing to say you wouldn't continue.

My plan is to be debt free and pay off the credit cards as they come up to end of interest free periods...to stop me having cash available in the bank, the first 2 for 14k are due in august 18. The other 2 for 16k are august 19. The house I have to sell to get stamp duty refund of 11k if I sell it in next 2 years , but the plan is to by a smaller buy to let not to leave the money hanging around and temptation.

How long have you been in recovery if you don't mind me asking? And what do you do to stop the urges?

My GF has always been of the opinion our money is our own , the money she made on her house she has in her savings and mine will be the same. It's when we have kids etc things will change a bit. We both just transfer an amount into a joint account every month. This is why I won't tell her my debt is mine and it's my problem to sort out not hers.

Raj thanks again for your response on this that's so comforting to know there are people out there who are on the road to recovery and can do this . How long have you been gamble free ? How do you manage your debt ? Lost all in 10 mins rings some bells with me to, its mad how much time you spend building up on small amounts only then to go big or try to stop a loss betting the other way and it falls down in seconds. I guess your always on the edge of disaster with this...thanks for the positive comments as well it's what I need right now I'm 3 days in and no urges, I guess the best thing I can do is throw myself into work when I get back that I have been neglecting , work in a sales job so hopefully that will pay off!!

Ps 3 days in and although I'm still reliving the big losses and the what ifs...I'm naturally like this anyway...I don't miss that point of making a bet then things starting to go wrong and the sinking feeling , heart racing, worry and anxiety waiting for what will unfold...that has to be one of the worst feelings in the world ever

Hi you don't tell your gf to get her to help pay your debt. You tell her because you deceiving her, property together is a risk. She has a right to a choice. I love your view of money. My cg probably thought the same he earns it he gambled it. Your thread is called 'I seriously need some help '.

Hello W7023
I can relate to your situation although I live in a very different culture than yours (Africa) I turned 36 just like you yesterday in 11/9 and i realised that I have a gambling problem just yesterday after blowing 2000$ which is a lot of money comparing the tow worlds we live in..I am like you have a good job (i an a dentist) i have been responsible and financially organized my whole life but the gambling problem caused me to lose a lot of money(total 5000$) in the past 12 months. Comparing living standards this is a lot of money where i live but thanks for good job i am still standing on my feet and meeting my financial obligations on time. I am so ashamed to tell anyone about my problem because they will only think that i am an irresponsible idiot and also because of the fact that i can still recover and make things right if i stop this gambling now and you know how stressful it is reach our age without settling down and having kids and how this subject is being the main conversation every time you are with family and relative because of course they do not know anything about your other life..i am just here to say that i feel you man and i am in the same situation as you, maybe at tis time i have no advice but letting you know that you are not alone might comfort you a little. I do not think i will ever be able to tell family or anyone close to me about this situation as it will slaughter my self esteem and i believe that i can overcome this as i have finally admitted that i have a problem.
PS : forgive my poor English

Maybe someone on here with a financial ability would understand but being who I am and what I've done, I can only hear my own little voices that convinced me downsizing was the right thing to do. Either way, the cost of the sale would be offset against that gain & a new, less valuable buy to let is unlikely to return the same yield.

Money doesn't get owed on 0% cards without balance transfer/cash withdrawal fees! I'm inherently good with money if you count being able to live (like most CG's) on peanuts because even I've spent all my hard earned...I've also lost thousands upon thousands of pounds along with many many hours oh, and a huge part of my life.

It's hard to get away from the financial aspect of gambling but chasing is just part of the 'game'...We cannot win because we cannot stop & you don't need to look far to see people who have had a reprieve & gone on to lose it all and more again afterwards. Nothing is ever enough, we lose we chase, we win, we want more! This isn't a financial problem, it's a mind problem & it only exacerbates depression. You don't think you're like 'us' (I still think I'm different & judge people who lose their rent money every payday) but it's progressive & just because you haven't done 'that' 'yet' doesn't mean you're not a CG.

In recovery, 3 years, properly gamble free since I started GA @ Christmas & thankfully, I don't really get any urges anymore. What comes are fleeting thoughts of games I used to play which are very easily dismissed like I would if I had a food allergy. When I first stopped playing machines, I never accepted I really couldn't do it again & I fought those urges mostly by getting online & reading about people's experiences. Once I'd read enough I had no choice but to accept it & those urges stopped. My addict brain then switched tracj because I carried on playing the lottery, & I had random crazy thoughts of chucking silly amounts at that instead of the random couple of lines that I had done over the years. I dealt with that by never buying a ticket if I felt an urge but I wasn't doing myself any favours & stopping completely appears to have done the trick.

As MGR points out, I didn't suggest your debt had anything to do with your girlfriend (that's your mess) but whether you accept it or not, you are prioritising money over everything else, including your own integrity. I've walked in your shoes, justified every daft & cold blooded move I ever made & without wishing to try & psycho analyse you (because I don't have that skill set & may be way off the mark) what's jumping out @ me is a desire to settle down & start a family. Maybe by showing your girlfriend the respect that she deserves & being honest with her you will be able to move your relationship forwards. You may think you are an excellent deceiver (& for sure I was a much nicer person to live with when I was gambling because I couldn't risk getting caught) but you're here asking for help because you know you have a problem & whether or not she can put her finger on it, I imagine something doesn't feel quite right for her.

As Compulsive Gambler has done, I will leave you in peace now...If you have more questions of me, feel free to pop over to my Diary of Shame.

Stop now.

accept the loss.

Take it from one who knows you can not win it back

Even if you did recover some of your losses you will give it back.

I wont bore you with the details but i lost everything family. home. savings.

You can recover from this with help and determination

Thanks guys

ODDT I can tell you have a good understanding of finance, but just so you know I'm not totally deluded...the 0 per cent credit cards were all transferred 0 fee believe it or not , which is pretty common at the moment and doesn't look like changing any time soon cause of the low interest rates. If I sell my house within 2 years I get 11.5k back in stamp duty cause of the the second property levy the govt introduced in 2016, Buying a cheaper buy to let will then cost a lot less with a higher yield and a lot lower stamp duty, my second house is my old main home, 3 bed detached family home, not something you would choose as a rental property. A lot of what your sayingis running true with me and is going to help a lot with someone that has and is going through this. I respect what you are saying about telling my GF but she doesn't suspect anything she knows I gamble a bit as I'm open about it just not the amounts lately. If I can kick this it's not something that will affect our future. The damage that will be done telling her will far outweigh the positive , I know this from experience the last time something happened and I told her that I should have kept to myself. As long as this doesn't affect us both financially which is doesn't at th moment it's something I want to kick myself. I will check out your diary though where can I see that ? Hearing your account has been very enlightening and useful

Hemo I really feel for you mate sounds so similar and it sounds like your going the same way as me. Can you save and do this so you don't have to tell your other half ? It depends how she'll take it I guess and as people have advised me only you can make that call. If you can get help and kick it then fair play toyou as I agree this won't just go away I'm hoping I've had the Eurica moment!!

Pa thanks Marco that's the sort of to the point statements I need to hear, it's not irrecoverable at this stage but I guess you went past that point? Sorry to hear and I hope your on now

Hi W

I am the parent of a gambler who maybe was not as well off as you but at the beginning of the gambling period was fairly comfortable in the bank. Because he was not so well off as you he inevitably went into debt with spending and losses and went down the payday loan and bank of Mum and Dad route to feed the habit (we were unaware of the problem at the beginning). He had a huge secret that eventually drove him to real debts of despair and he ended up telling us and his partner and between us all we have got him on the road to recovery. The point I am trying to make is that you are so comfortable financially that it will make you complacent about the gambling and will encourage you to try and do controlled gambling. It is your life and decision of course if you want to take this route. Our gmabler tried that and it did not work. You are obviously very bright with a potentially good future for you and your partner. If you sit down and work out on paper the amount you will spend on gambling in the next 5 years and the possibility of what you could lose on what you initially put down for a bet and and put a heading on the paper "Gambling with our Future". Because that is what every gambler does - when you gamble you are not only playing a game, you are playing with your own future and that of your partner or family. You can maybe have it all for a short time and feel in control but look forward into the future and the debts and the stresses will come and the fact you are keeping this secret is not helping you to stop. Once someone else knows it is so much harder to gamble and also if someone else can be checking your spending that is a deterrent. I am glad you came on here because I think you really want to stop but maybe not altogether and you are not the first one on here with that problem. You have had great advice from people above who have been where you are and I really hope you and your partner have a great future together. In our case life is improving with hard work and the stresses are diminishing. I feel so sorry for anyone drawn into the gambling these days because it is the advertising is thrown in peoples faces in all media sources and they make it so easy for people - don't get me started on that subject!! Good luck W.

Hi Mate..the issue is Stop Gambling and don't bring your income wealth assets into it as this is not the issue...you need to stop and focus on something Positive. I've stopped as if I continued then it would have ruined me both mentally and financially. Stay Strong..join a Gym, Play free games etc..