Hi everyone. I have just joined this forum after finally deciding that I need to talk to someone (even in a virutal environment). My problems started about 7 years ago when I gambled online and won - big. Then alot of not so good things happened in my life (husband left for another woman, mother and sister died three days apart at Christmas, redundancy, serious illness, trouble with children etc) and I thought that if I could win some money it would solve all my problems. Well, as we all know it doesn't work like that and over the last 7 years I have gambled away tens of thousands of pounds - sometimes winning big, more times losing. I have self excluded from almost every casino but there are always new ones popping up. I have mortgage arrears, a debt management plan, council tax arrears, payday loans etc, and I genuinely feel like I can't cope very well. I go for periods where I have it under control and things improve very quickly - I have a very good well paid job so my income in okay - I just lose most of it each month within a couple of days of being paid. I cannot tell my two kids as they would not understand and alot of my concerns are about my older child who is difficult and who can be very agressive and amost bullying towards me. I have a serious heart problem and will need surgery at some point in the next few months and that scares me and I think that if I die then they will find out all about the mess I have made of stuff over the last few years. Last night I was really upset over my daughter and ended up losing 1200 in about four hours. Now I have no money to pay my mortgage and no money for food etc (although I have loads of stuff in). I feel really out of control again today and the mad panicky feelings are all back. It's as if I can't ever have any money because the moment I do I start looking to gamble online again. I KNOW its mad and I keep self excluding, but it never seems to end. I know I have to take it a day at a time but it's so so hard to do. I have used blocking software but that's easy to get around and I really wish that there was a one button self exclusion which would bar you from EVERY online casino. Sorry for the long very self pitying read. I know that this is all my own fault and that I am a huge f**k up and I do really hate myself. I blame no-one but myself for my current situation but it makes it no easier to deal with.
Sorry to hear about your probelms. Believe me when I say I know EXACTLY how you feel! This morning I gambled half my salary in just over an hour and for the first time I'm going to miss our mortgage payment. I'm really worried as I also have £44k worth of unsecured debts. Starting a DMP next month but was supposed to stay gamble free for at least 1 month to go for an IVA but I messed up AGAIN!
There has to be something that will scare you away from gambling again. For me it feels like I've finally crossed the red line by gambling the money which pays for the roof over our heads.
I also have 3 kids under the age of 10 and already confessed TWICE to my wife already.
Let's start this journey together.
I know how you feel! I will miss my mortgage this month too - its made worse by the fact that I have been ill and so the mortgage people have put me on a payment plan thing which allows me to fall a bit behind until I've had my operation. I really feel that there should be some kind of ban on all of these online gaming sites - it's crazy. We can encourage each other - i have started a journal today - not just about gambling but about other positive things too, so that I can make the whole experience a bit more enjoyable. First day nearly over ....
Hi Janey you can download online blockers like k9, gamban etc. You have to want to stop and find something else to occupy you. Hand over finances or get someone to hold cards, passwords. Anything that is a barrier. Go to GA, call gamcare and get some advice. Good luck!
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