Hello,
My name is Patrick and I am a CG. I am 27 years old and have gambled for most of my adult life, I couldn't tell you when of how it started. I have been trying to figure that out for myself the past few years. I guess the first I remember was betting on football on a Saturday with friends...this then led me to roulette. Or the dreaded betting terminals, which then led me to online roulette. I have lost well over 100k through my addiction. I have also narrowly avoided a prison sentence and ended up with a 4k fine because I stole from an ex girlfriend and took a credit card out in her name to fund my addiction. I thought that would of been the thing to set me straight but I fell back into gambling again despite my new girlfriend being pregnant with my little boy at the time. I didn't steal or do anything illegal, however I gambled away most of my wages every month when I should of been using it to look after them.
I was gambling online whilst my girlfriend was pregnant with my little boy, when really I should of been there for her throughout. When my little boy was born it was the best day of my life and I love him dearly. I didn't gamble for 6 months but I slowly fell back into it via online roulette. I have put my family and people I love through so much and I am so ashamed of what I did and I would give anything to go back and change what I did but I can't. I came clean about what I did and faced court and everything else. I was so low I thought about ending it all and was scared to leave the house in case I did something stupid. Despite all of this I am still here, I have a good job and I am with a new partner who I have told about my problem and what I did and I see my little boy every other weekend.
However I still sometimes get that urge to gamble especially around payday I don't want to go back to that place where I was before, I love my little boy and new partner and want to build a future with her without my gambling. I want to be able to lead a normal life and have all the nice things in life. I have a supportive family who I have put through hell and I am grateful they are still there.
Any advice or similar stories would be appreciated.
Pat
Wow..eerily similar to my story. I was gambling while my other half was pregnant...felt awful guilty but i couldnt stop myself! Like you..i stopped when we had our baby but only for few months and back at it i went...losing precious money i really couldnt afford to lose. My last bet was sunday so im hoping to really wipe this poison out of my life...iv already lost too much
I just want to feel normal and not have that part of my brain that takes over and turns me into a selfish horrible person. I've hurt a lot of people through my addiction and I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for my little boy. It took me to a terrible place, one that I do not want to visit again.
Well done for joining AdamspatCG. Make your little boy proud and do it this time. What an amazing example to set him if you beat this horrible addiction. Best wishes
Hi Pat, welcome to recovery 🙂
I would recommend a look @ cardhue's diary...He has documented the fear of becoming a father very well despite being stable in recovery which may resonate.
Unfortunately addiction isn't something that goes away when we get caught, or out of debt, or decide we're not going to gamble anymore, we're compulsive gamblers for life so the urges may never completely go but they get less powerful & much easier to ignore. Not sure whether you've tried GA or counselling to help you figure out your whys (if not, you should, it will help) but it's great that it's out in the open @ home & you have support around you 🙂
You obviously know that payday is a trigger, do you speak to anyone when you start feeling low? My husband was about as much use as a f**t in a wetsuit whilst I was still active because I just blamed him for not saying the right thing on the rare occasion I spoke to him before I did my r*e but now if I get jittery I tell him & the feeling passes!
I gambled for longer than you have been alive, my mum still does & it's made our relationship very unhealthy, you are young with your whole life ahead of you, if I can do it, you definately can! Good on you for coming here & wanting to make it a better one for everyone concerned!
You can feel normal...All you have to do is want it hard enough to make it happen - ODAAT
thanks for your comments. I to have a strained relationship with my father due to what I did and what I put him and my mother through which is understandable really. He doesn't understand that I made mistakes due to my addiction. I almost feel like I cannot move forward with my life because of my addiction.
Hey Pat, I have been through many of the things you have. Stole money from family, friends and work and ended up being in trouble with the police around 15 years ago and I still haven't learnt. It is very important early on that you make gambling as difficult as possible by giving away financial control, installing blocking software and anything else you think may help. As you will know by now there is loads of advice on here and keep reading as it all helps.
Its different for everyone but as ODAAT has suggested, although a scary thought, opening up by attending counselling or GA is definitely something that you should think of doing(If you haven't already). 20 years of my life I feel I have wasted by hiding behind gambling and now I am finally starting to look at reasons that I do what I do.
Anyway just wanted to welcome you to the site...it may feel like you cannot go forward at the moment but by continuing to stay gamble free I can promise you it gets easier.
Good luck
Damo
You absolutely can but not by wishing your addiction away! If you haven't already, get some help & work as hard @ getting better than you did in order to gamble. It's not easy but it sure as hell is worth it!
I did go to GA and found it helped. I have to say coming on here has helped massively and just by reading others stories you can see there is hope. I haven't gambled since the turn of the year but the urges still come and go and I don't want to fall back into that world.
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