My wife just confessed all. What do I do

@r4xzd58khq no relapses at all, which is outstanding.  However every journey is different.

She was committed to not loosing me and her family, and as silly as it sounds the reward badges via GamBan where also a big factor. There where times (and it still happens now) where i can.sence she isnt her self, so i drop everything and i take her down to the local sea frount for a walk.

I seen a quote the other day, and it is so true......Gambling means loosing everything for one thing, but quiting gambling is loosing one thing but keeping everything.

Hope your meetings went well

Hiya

I don't want to b**t in and correct the saying. It basically means what you said but in case you say it to her Lewis, it's

Addiction is giving up everything for one thing

Recovery means giving up one thing to get everything.

One for you Lewis - When you are going through hell - keep going

Lewis, in the recovery community the serenity prayer used by GA and many addiction recovery groups means so much as it's a way of life. Might be worth gently signposting her to it

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

That says to me to stay present. The past can't be changed and living in it, isn't a safe place for me. Worrying about the future is wasted energy. The only thing I can do is concentrate on today and be the best service I can to myself and others. 

There is only ever one Thursday 26th March 2026 so make the most of it as you will never get a other one 

Hi all! Hope your day went well. 

Today was a good day. I had my first therapy session, it went great and I know I'm on the right path but it's nice to here it. 

One thing stuck with me, that I think I've probably been overlooking. I've been saying this is a lifelong illness and one we will navigate for the rest of our lives, but Stuart taught me something. 

It might be lifelong, but my wife won't always feel this heavy, stressed, shameful or this urge to gamble every day. And I think I was forgetting that with recovery, each day will be better then the last. 

I did have a small slip and know I made my wife cry and feel horrible and for that I feel terrible and apologised once I regained a clesr head. Basically I saw her wages go in today, and the amount (or lack of) really threw me back and my mood just disappeared instantly. I shouldn't have mentioned it to her but I told her I don't know how were going to afford the MOT and our family holiday to Portugal next week. 

I know I need to work on understanding when and how to approach subjects however it's been less then s week, so I'm happy with my progress in supporting her. 

We ended the night watching last one laughing and the apprentice and she asked for cheese on toast. 

Night all!

Hi Lewis

I think all of us gamblers on here are so impressed with your attitude. Can I make one small suggestion ? On the gamblers anonymous website you can go onto literature and download all of it as pdfs free of charge. Start by reading the orange book but it's worth reading all of them.

A lot of the information is a way to lead a good healthy life. If you remove the word gambling you will see what I mean. 

GA was set up to not just stop gambling through abstinence but to work a 12 step program and remove the need to turn to gambling. Gambling isn't the problem, it's a poor solution for another problem. That sounds bad but it could be as simple as escapism from stress

@r4xzd58khq morning Lewis, firstly I'm glad you found therapy useful and productive and yes it is important to remember each day will get easier for your wife but with that be cautious because that path isn't linear there will be good days and bad days like any human but in an addict the bad days can be real hard. How did your wife find her therapy?? In regards to your "slip" just as an addict can have good and bad days as can you, don't best yourself up and be proud of the work and support you are providing very fee addicts have someone as strong and comfortable with understanding as you in there corner. But that doesn't mean you'll be perfect every time and not should you be your entitled to have moments of anger, sadness, stress, worry and whatever else you may feel that is allowed and it's important you let them be felt. Approaching of subjects can be tricky as everyone is different I've always been a straight shooter I'd much prefer straight to the point no matter how brutal the conversation may be for others that will be triggering and difficult depending on the situation. I'd suggest if there is a difficult subject or one your not sure how to approach simply ask a question relating to in to start a conversation then let the wife take the lead so she feels in control, then when you give your opinion you can be gentle with it

Hi Lewis

Just in case you hadn't realised, recovery is always two ways. When anyone talks to someone in recovery on either side of the fence, it's two way therapy. All I'm trying to say is that you might think this is all good advice and you can take it away and in some small way it helps your wide, but it also helps the person giving any ideas across. It's a reminder to us to stay present and our own recovery. That's something you should be proud of. When the people above have replied to you, I have no doubt we take those suggestions as a reminder of our own lives as well.

Morning all, firstly I hope you an have a great Friday! 

You know what, I've actually not even looked on the GA website, so I will start reading the literature this weekend. 

I know I need to care for myself long-term but short-term The main focus is My wife, so I will read ways I can diffuse my own emotions and approach subjects better with her. 

Thanks for the suggestion! 

With regards to jet therapy, she got the date wrong, its actually next Thursday, which is when my next session is too. 

Should I be concerned this early on that she hasn't approached me to discuss GA meetings, talking on here, other Therapy or the fact she hasn't been reading up on it and learning about the illness? 

Also, should I use the word illness with her ? How should I reference the addiction ? How do you guys feel when I use that word etc? 

Also, Friday!

@r4xzd58khq everyone is different in how they approach recovery I'm 60days gamble free today and don't go to GA I have read up on it just haven't started first for me was addressing the underlying issues as to why I gamble and dealing with my past in order to learn how to process emotional distress and help myself be better at understanding my logic patterns. As to what to call the addiction or illness or disease that is entirely personal preference for me I'm comfortable being called an addict and using the term addiction I can't imagine everyone in recovery is so maybe a gentle conversation about that with the wife. In terms of being concerned that's a hard one to say, the fact she confessed and is on the path to therapy that's a great sign, I will be honest it concerns me w little she hasn't looked into it more or joined a community like this but again everyone is different on the journey and no one's two paths are the same. Have you shown her this site and the community?? Maybe seeing the lack of judgement and the volume of support for not only you but your wife might help her see it's not as scary as she might think?? Maybe attend an evening chatroom together and rather than addressing any topic just join the room and get to know people and form connections again might help her see although all in recovery a lot of us are good friends and support eachother unconditionally without judgment. I was concerned when I signed up I'd be judged and frowned up as an 'addict' which I think all too often is a bit of a taboo and until you start that journey and see actual we are just human beings that for one reason or another have made some poor choices that led us here but we are not bad people.

Hi Lewis

Just talk to her about wording. Whatever she is comfortable with and identifies to. Maybe that's after week two of therapy.

Ask her how she feels about going to a GA meeting. It needs to be her choice 

@lp5vut869c exactly this and GA isn't for everyone I may do it in the future or I may not but as long as I'm in recovery that's the important thing