My husband is a gambler. I knew 12 months after we met. Today he's used up his final chance. I can't take this anymore. I love him more than anything, but the man who lied to my face this morning, stole money from my bank and then rang me in tears to confess that he has slipped again, is like an imposter.
We are up to our eyes in debt, will never be able to move house, barely have enough money to eat, scrape around every month for petrol and yet we both have above average full time jobs.
I have borrowed from family and made excuses, missed out on parties, friends birthdays, meals out, meals IN, hair cuts, holidays, cut everything down the bare minimum and yet still he is grasping every penny.
I'm sorry he says. SORRY?! This is the 5th time. He has been to GA meetings and stopped going 4 years ago, he seemed to be doing well. Now this.
I cant trust him with money, yet we row constantly about how much is left. He drinks every lunchtime, has no concept of the value of money, and now I find out he's got us in more debt and this month is going to be unbearable, as we now have no money for food, toiletries, petrol, family birthdays, car maintenance.
I want to scream and cry and scream some more, but I can't. He rang me at work. I have to sit here and deal with it until we can talk later.
I realise I'm rambling but I cant see how to overcome this again.
Hi CKMaxX
I am a recovering CG.
There can be a misconception that if you have abstained from gambling for a period of time that you have overcome that weakness. This is not the case. If you have a problem with gambling, you will always have a problem. This means that you can never have another bet on anything. We can do everything else except gamble.
Your husband stopped attending GA. Why? Just because he was doing well? Perhaps he was doing well because he was attending GA. I am not having a go at you, these are the questions I would be putting to him.
I have a weekly GA meeting . The only time I miss a meeting is due to sickness or work. It is my weekly fix, a reminder that I have an addiction which, if I am not wary, will ruin my life. The GA meeting is 90 minutes long. Considering I used to spend 40 plus hours each week playing slot machines, 90 minutes at GA is nothing.
Unfortunately he has had a reminder that this addiction he has can never be cured. It stays with you for life
Have you thought about Gamanon? Get some support from people who have been thru what you are going thru. You would already be aware about finances. But a reminder to look after yourself doesn't go astray. Don't trust him with money.
Best wishes
Hi wal1957, thanks, my head isn't thinking straight at the moment because I'm so angry. I know he's always going to be a gambler and we've discussed this and worked on ways to help him deal with it. I have his salary so that all the bills are paid which at one time didn't happen. However, he works hard, works overtime, and I feel he should have his money to spend as he wishes. Today has made me see that he can never be trusted with money. Yes, it's his own, but I'm the one always bailing him out when he runs out. I believe he's been ok for a couple of years but he's been buying scratchcards and deep down I knew. I just feel a failure and so let down by him too.
Hi ck MaxX
I understand your anger so well. My husband is a CG too. We are up to our eyeballs in debt too. My husband hasn't really accepted his problem yet. I really feel for you. But don't feel like a failure- it's impossible to keep a check on them 24 /7. My husband lied to me for years so I feel stupid for swallowing them all. We have to accept that we can't control their actions, only do our best to support them. So you haven't failed- he has. Please remember that. He has let you down but that is his doing.
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