2017 My Year

Because i keep trying to sort myself out. I keep picking myself up.

I gave up my bank card and passport. That didnt work.

I tried setting up a savings account to put some money in. Didnt work.

I tried setting out a plan for things i needed to buy and budget. Didnt work.

And every month i fail it gets worse. Not just the gambling but the situations i get myself in.

Theres only so many times you can pick yourself up.

And even now i want to pick myself up and be positive but i cant let that happen. I want to feel like c**P and feel down and next time pay comes around ill be too angry to even think about it. I cant deal with anything or anyone or any situation.

Im not a bad person. Theres only so much money i can take out through an ATM in a day. So even though i gambled there was still money in my account. So i stayed up till 12 and walked to the atm again. Took out the money, left money in the kitchen for my ma and put money under the xmas tree for my brother and sisters.

I learnt this in therapy...."not mad, or bad. Just sad"

And I think that's true of all of us Stephen. You do keep picking yourself up...you do keep trying and that says a lot about you.The bank card, the savings account etc. They're all good practical things, but you've got to get to the bottom of what's going on for you. Wha are the underlying emotions. There's something eating you up that you need support with. You might not even know what it is, but I think it's the key to stop this never ending cycle.

I don't know what support there is on offer in your part of the world. There has to be some. Good, proper counselling and or GA would be my choice if I were you. Your family aren't able to give you the support you need and it's hard to do it alone. There is help out there Stephen. Now would be a good time to find it.

I have tried counselling twice. Didnt work.

Ive tried everything.
My last hope is to block everything out. Dont talk to people. keep myself to myself.

I will learn from my mistakes this year and i wont put myself in the same situations. I just want to shut myself off from the world now. I dont want to pick myself up again

If the counselling didn't work it's worth trying a different counsellor. Or a different type of counselling.

Why not give GA a go?

I tried GA for years too.

Im doing all this to myself. Thats the worse thing. My brain could process it if i had someone to blame but its all my own actions.

All of us were doing it to ourselves. You're not unique there. There's reasons, triggers, underlying causes...but each of us is responsible for our actions. The question is why? Why are you doing it?

Last post of the year for me. The joys of no phone and internet!

So last day in work for xmas, finishing at 2. everyone in good form. Im just looking forward to going home and watching tv in my room. I dont enjoy xmas. Ill stay in my room over xmas and new years and just hibernate until January.

Ill post again in March when i get my 90 days. 2017 i only want to achieve one thing. A year free from gambling. Im not interested in anything or anyone else.

Have a safe and happy xmas and new year. Stephen

Hope you have a relaxing Xmas and and wishing you a GFree 2017.

Take care Stephen.

Gam.

Merry xmas and happy new year, hoping you can turn things around in 2017 and for it to be gf for you x

What "works" every single time is you taking ownership of the decisions that you make.

GA works if you commit to the program and follow it.

Being honest with the counsellor works. Expecting the counselling to somehow stop you doesn't work.

Barriers "work" to the extent that they buy you thinking time. If choose to get round them and decline to think, then that time is of no use.

Family doing recovery for you doesn't work because family can't do recovery for you.

At the end of the day, Stephen, the decision to bet or not to bet is down to you. And all "work" has to be done by you.

CW

I'm glad that you are determined to stop gambling Stephen, and am sure that you can prove it to yourself. Clearly you are not a very social person, but that's ok - we all have different ways to communicate and interact with others, but I know what you mean when you say that you just want to shut your self away - I have been like that at times. Its often less stressful not having to deal with other people, especially if they are being critical or judgemental. However long-term it would be better for you to gain more confidence and self esteem, becoming tolerant or others and coping with difficult situations.

All the best for 2017

Welcome back Stephen, wishing you a Happy New Year.
2017 - your year. I hope this still applies.
Your year - take it, own it, do whatever you need to do to bring positivity into your life.
Attack the gambling head on.
No more having to walk to work, no more feelings of embarrassment, no more anger.
Talk to people, take care of yourself, your own well-being.
You are deserving.
2017 - your year . . .

Out of hibernation yet?? Happy new year 🙂

Hey Lady H.

I like the hibernation, been struggling with the flu thats going around, have had it for a few weeks and cant shake it off.

doing an exam this Saturday, so got thursday and friday off work s study leave.

Gambling wise i dont really know what to do for the best. I dont have a bank card anymore so thats something. But i dont really know to do with the gambling issues to be honest

Happy New Year Stephen. Hope you feel better soon. Good luck with the exam.