andyrr's path to being gamble free

Hi Andy,

Welcome to the Forum.

It is teeming with like-minded people willing to offer support and advice all with one thing in common - to overcome addiction.

Why don't you tell us a bit more about your circumstances and the nature of your addiction.

You will get the best advice if we know what you are dealing with and you will surprised how many people can closely relate.

Follow the advice you are given about self-exclusion, the sacred triangle and remember to try and stary focused and strong - as you know it is a very hard addiction to crack and will-power is an ingredient of success.

If your experience is anything like mine you will be feeling the come down right about now. Very low, bored, perhaps anxious. I often asked myself "how am I going to get through life without gambling" and believe that I did not deserve to recover or that I never would." Remember that is purely addiction talking and the part of you that does not want to quit. Do not pay attention to this.

It does not take too long for you to realise that you can do it and that you definitely do not need gambling in your life.

I wish you all the best with your recovery.

Markman

Hi Markman,

Thanks for the welcome. I've been reading the forums regularly the past few weeks and can relate to so many of the stories and been in the chatroom a few times. I started off gambling years ago but it really became a problem when I won £11k in a night at blackjack - funny that sometimes the worst thing that can happen at gambling is to win.

Since then, it took me a while to lose that amount at online casinos. I've taken out credit cards too so I'm now £7k in debt. And for the last couple of years, it's just been a cycle - I'm broke at the end of each month, then I feel an excitement coming up to payday that I can put money into casinos and poker...I'm not sure I even care about winning any more, it's just the process and the short-term excitement of wins. I've become better at making sure that I have enough money out of the ATM in cash so I can get through the month as there's rarely anything in my bank account.

I've just done some travelling to India, and there was a lot going on so I didn't feel the craving to gamble as much, and I went through 12 days of non-gambling and reading all the forum posts that I could to distract me. Even though I've been gamble free just 1 day, I think my recovery started a couple of months ago. You're right about the thoughts - how will I get by without a poker window open in the background - every evening I'm at home, I (used to) jsut watch TV and play poker - I've wasted so much time and money gambling.

I'm giving up drinking too as for me the two are so inter-related. I used to stay up til 3am just focusing on the online casino or poker table on the laptop screen, and generally play until there was nothing left in the account. Temptation used to get the better of me after a few pints. So I'm wondering a little what I will do with all my freetime but I've come prepared and want to go to do the things that I really enjoy, and not the things that I'm addicted to so I'm looking forwards to drawing, playing guitar, meditation, running clubs.

I've tried blocking software before, but there are 3 laptops, 2 phones, 2 tablets in the house and it didn't really work for me. I know I have the willpower to suceed this time though and I will grow stronger each day GF.

"I've tried blocking software before, but there are 3 laptops, 2 phones, 2 tablets in the house and it didn't really work for me." get it blocked using your ISPs protection at the router. BT, Virgin, TalkTalk and all the big ones support this. That way ANY device that connects to your home network will be blocked. Then get in touch with your mobile network and get 18+ services blocked too.

How's it going Andy? Hopefully you are still gamble free. The early days are the hardest. Once you get a few days and then a fews weeks under your belt you will focus less on time and the gamble free days will pass by much more quickly. Do keep posting. Your diary will be a tangible record of your progress and you will get some great. interaction. Just remember addiction makes you think you cannot live without gambling and that life will be boring without gambling. This is an illusion. Gambling makes you forget how much pleasure can be found in so called normal things and I have found that I now get even more pleasure from things that I used to take for granted. I hope you can stay strong and reap the benefits that being gamble free brings on you.

Markman

Hi Markman.

I've been really struggling. I've regularly been reading posts and diaries here and have been on chat a couple of times. I've done my usual trick of taking out eough money in cash to last me the month so that I don't have money in my account to put in online sites. I played for a few pennies at poker but then got bore, I found an additional line of credit and wasted more money yesterday on online slots. Again, it was after a few drinks.

I've been expecting a couple of false starts and I come back more motivated than ever to give up for good.

I've been trying to focus on other hobbies that I really enjoy and like you say, I don't really enjoy gambling; it's just become a very bad habit. So I'm back on day 1 again. I've found a local GA meeting so will be going to that this week. Stay strong everyone....

Checking in again. I definitely feel I'm moving in the right direction but I've been struggling to stop playing poker, and I find that after a few drinks I'm tempted to load the online casinos. I've been depressed too which doesn't help. And it just shows me that I have to change many things in my life and put 100% effort into being free from gambling. This weekend just felt a bit empty without being able to play poker.

But I've been 4 days GF now so I want to put a good run together. I didn't go to the GA meeting but I'll go in the next week or two. Reading the other diaries it's so good that people can go so long and it does give me inspiration that I can manage it too. I didn't realise it would be so hard in the beginning - but I know that it has to be done.

Still gamble free. I've realised that drinking and gambling are so intertwined that I need to be both drink and gamble free. I'm 5 days GF and DF now but I'm facing really strong cravings for both each day. I hope it gets easier!

Hello Andyrr, great to hear you've been gamble free for 5 days, coming up to the week 🙂 if you find gambling and drinking come hand in hand I think giving up the drink was also a great step! Good luck on your future journey!

- Chris

Hey Andy,
Sounds like you are having a tough time so well done for sticking at it.

It feels like you know what needs to be done to assist you on your journey but that you just are not taking that last step.

Get that blocking software on....im sure you can find a way of doing it if you really look into it.

Go along to the next GA meeting...you went from gooing to a metting to getting yourself along in a week or two.

If i sound harsh i really do not mean to be...I just want you to succeed and the best way to do that is to put somethings in place to makde gambling miuch harder. Will power is a great tool but believe me it wont work long term...my 20 years of gambling hs shown me that.

Anyway keep going and keep posting on here.
Good luck.
Damo

7 days - still tough, but i'll be ok for another few weeks until pay day - i'll make sure I have blocks in place before then. Thanks for the support Chris & Damo.

It does feel like I'm relying on willpower at the moment. I'm more determined than I've ever been before. Posting here is good too. I can't make it to GA this week (my sister and family is over so i should have a good break) but I'll go the following week. I'm a little nervous, plus Damo's right that there's a little bit of my mind clinging to the idea of playing poker that won't let go.

Lots of negative thoughts about not being able to live without drinking / gambling, but I'm trying to fill my life with running, meditation and more positive hobbies. I'm thankful that I've admitted I have a problem and am going the right direction. Am looking forwards to continuing to adding to my 7 days.

Hi Andy

I think you're absolutely right to pursue interests like guitar,running and meditation.

Maybe you need to set yourself goals here. I used to go through phases of picking up the guitar, letting it gather dust, feel a bit guilty (I SHOULD play), pick it up again...and repeat. I.had stopped really enjoying it though since my school days.

Over a year ago I decided to aim towards doing an open mic night. I did it. It was awful. I did it another 3 times and still awful. Recently I did my own songs and it was less awful.

This has given me a real sense of creative purpose and I now spend a lot of my spare time writing songs. I used to think you had to be really talented or don't bother - no middle ground for me then. This was just B'S reasoning to justify me not doing stuff which might threaten my small comfort zone.

Not trying to big myself up. My point is this. Often addicts are escaping from seeing themselves as failures/not being who they would like to be.

'Recovery' (discovery) offers you the chance to start doing the things you always wanted to do, of being who you want to be. Getting into guitar again is a clichГ© but also has been a deeply rewarding experience for me.

I hope that whatever interests you pursue you, music or sport, you do so wholeheartedly and it is similarly rewarding for you.

Best

Louis

Thanks Louis - I agree - I think the key is finding things that we really enjoy rather than just things we can do to escape that we're addicted to.

Yes, I've always wanted to do an open mic night too but haven't got round to it yet. I think doing things that challenge you is really important and so much healthier than falling back into the same old routine of doing what's easy.

So, payday is making me nervous. But I have made some really positive actions this month. I've excluded from all the casino sites I was registered with. I'm exercising, meditating more and drinking less.

I've been playing some free poker tournaments (though I will never touch a casino site again). I've set a monthly deposit limit on the one poker site I use and I will stick to it. I was going to not post here because I know that people will all say that I need to exclude from all sites, and pass my finances over (I will do that when my parents come back from a holiday in 2 weeks). And go to GA....but this thread is my diary, and my little place on gamcare.org - and I it's positive that I'm regularly coming to the site and reading forums at times when I would've been gambling in the past.

For me, this is a long journey - and I hope I'll look back in 6 months time and realise how far I've come. I know that I'm going the right direction just I'm taking baby steps at the moment. I'm definitely here for the long run too.

Well, hello again diary......long time, no see.....a bit of an update. It's nice that my diary is always here ready for updates. I've been away from my diary for a few months - and you can probably guess where I've been ? Yes, in the online casinos and poker rooms. But I'm back and feeling quite positive.

Things haven't been as destructive as before because after covering debt payments and taking cash out to cover living costs (my problem is pretty much purely online), I have very little avaiable money. Thankfully, no-one gives me credit now.

I am gradually facing up to my problems, accepting responsibility for what I've been doing for years and years. I've been honest with my parents, but I haven't quite gone all the way because if I'm honest with myself, I still want to play poker.

I always knew this would be andyrr's journey, and I never thought it would be a quick thing, but I know that I'm going the right direction.

I just contacted step change so I can consolidate my debts into a single payment. At the moment I have 4 credit cards (at least I've paid off all payday loans now), and I choose each month to pay a random amount each month. I need one regular monthly payment - as much as I can afford to go to paying off debts.

I've had another go at quitting drinking, as so often my drinking & gambling go hand in hand. And I've come back to the gamcare forum to read posts, keep me distracted and remind me of the importance of moving on from gambling to a more happy way of living.

Good luck everyone.

Andy.