andyrr's path to being gamble free

Hello again diary. Thanks for being here.

I have a positive update today. I had told my parents that I had a gambling problem in February this year, but I suppose I didn't really go into details about how bad the problem was, and they wouldn't really understand anyway. They just assumed I would be able to say "right, that's it. I won't gamble any more". Since February I've been doing my best to quit but have still been gambling. When they asked, it just seemed easy to say I had stopped rather than disappoint them again.

Anyway, last night, I was able to talk much more honestly with them, and give them a better understanding of how hard it is to quit. So I got them to install K9 on all the devices in the house. I just paid off one credit card, I no longer have any payday loans, and I'm going to call 2 other credit cards to ask them what they can do about blocking transactions so I can pay them off instead of making payments and then using them again so I end up not actually making any progress.

I'm feeling positive . I've always known this is a journey from when I started in January. It would have been nice to just "decide" to give it all up then rather than putting myself through further pain, but inside I've always known that it's not an instant thing but I'm now fully confident that this period of my life will end, I will be able to live free of the curse and I WILL BE gamble free.

Good luck all!

Andy fair play for putting blockers in place but that and willpower alone won't cut it. I think you realise now how strong this addiction can be so you need some real-life support too. Gamblers Anonymous (GA) and counselling sessions (which can be setup through Gamcare) would be beneficial.

Also as crazy as it might sound your debt isn't your biggest problem, just keep up the payments and it'll take care of itself. If you stay gamble free you will be debt free someday but this will then bring a big challenge with all the extra disposable income you will have. Hopefully by then you have a good structure in place with regular meetings to avoid against any relapses.

The only way to deal with this addiction is all the way gamble free, no half measures. That means no lottery, raffle tickets, table stakes at pool or even a 'friendly' game of poker. Close the door fully and don't let the addiction breathe.

All the best

So, I've been 11 days GF now. The last week has been hard. I have had so many cravings to gamble. I'm so used to playing online poker for 4 hours a day and whatever I'm doing - eg, watching a film, working on my laptop......I so often have a window of poker open too.

And sometimes the cravings have given me a headache - it's amazing the physical withdrawal symptoms you can have from something that isn't a substance like drugs or alcohol. The first few days, I just didn't know what to do with myself and my freetime in the evening, so I just went to bed at 8:30pm so I wouldn't gamble. I've also been really limiting my drinking because I know for me drinking triggers gambling and gambling triggers drinking.

But I'm feeling stronger. I've been beginning to appreciate properly watching a film rather than half an eye on the poker, or appreciating a football match for the skill and play rather than wanting some outcome because I had a bet on it.

And I have a 10 week painting course starting tonight. I want to fill my evenings with creativity - painting or guitar rather than gambling. I've been cooking nice meals regularly in the evenings.

So, I will continue to be on my guard but I realise the importance of getting my life back, It's payday this week, and for the first time, I'm happy that my blocks are in place. Even if I wanted to gamble I couldn't now because all my devices are blocked.

11 days of my new life and I'm looking forwards to feeling more free.

Nice post andy :))

Congratulations on the 11 day's so far my friend , the early ones are usually astruggle but if you keep fighting those urges one day at a time initially they will become easier to deal with and the weeks will soon become months :)).

A good call on the painting course as well , that should keep you focused not to mention the devil and idle hand's and all that :))

Lkike yourself I also noticed in the first few weeks how engrossed in afilm I'd become , I guess our attention's not somewhere else for a change but I also became incredibly tired as well maybe the mind was worn out with all the finance juggeling I used to do ? .

Anyhooz , I wish you well my friend and kep pushing on :))

Alan

Hi,

Thanks for the reply Alan - all the support on here is so helpful. I report that I had a minor slip-up on payday today. I found a way to gamble on my mobile.

But I came to my senses in a few minutes - I have now installed netNanny - so I'm sure I've got all bases covered now, and I'm gradually getting used to living without gambling. It's strange having freetime in the evening. had my first art lesson on Monday.

I've also got credit cards. Everytime I try to pay off a significant amount, I tend to spend on them again and max them out. I've just called to block those cards so now I can pay them off but I can't buy anything (especially I can't spend them on gambling) - so over the next few months, I can pay these off pretty quickly.

It feels such a relief that my money will not go on gambling again. It's good I can have a little money this month for things that are really good for me, and I can get my mum something nice for her birthday in october.

Keep going everyone!

Sound's like plan's are afoot 🙂

It's good to see you focusing on the future again andy and putting things in place to keep you safe :))

All the best my friend :))

Hello diary. Been a couple of months since I posted. Things have been pretty good the last few months.

I have got a confession to make. Although I have K9 and netnanny set up on all my 5 devices I have access to, I left open a little hole - so I can access a poker site on my laptop.

My current situation is inifinitely better than when I had access to 20 or 30 casino sites, and 4 or 5 poker sites. I haven't accessed an online casino in 119 days and I have a deposit limit on poker so I know that I can't lose all my available money on payday that used to happen. And that is such a relief

.....but there's still one slow little drip out of money through poker. I feel positive about 2018 - the first positivity about a new year I've had for ages. I've been 4 days without any form of gambling now, but I'm finding it quite hard to close that final little gap. I've also quite drinking which is helping, as for me both cravings often come together.

Hope everyone else on gamcare is doing well too. We can all beat this illness.

Copied from new members.....It's time I started my diary again, and start spending more time in the gamcare forums and chatrooms!

Hi All,

So, you can read my diary to see where I was on my last entry. I've been strangely quiet since January 2018, and you guessed it - I been gambling.

I hit a all-time low in August 2018. I managed to take out 8 payday loans in the space of a few weeks. Some of them were to pay off other payday loans and I know they shouldn't be able to lend to people like me with a terrible credit rating, and most of my transactions going out to gambling companies........but I'm getting better at accepting my responsibilities.

I have hardly gambled at all recently, partly due to no funds, but I'm still pleased that I am only a member of one sports betting company with a £5 per day deposit limit and one poker company with a £20 per day limit. Compared to 6 or 12 months ago when I was a member of 20 online casinos (blackjack kills me), I'm doing well now - I'm just struggling to make that final step and sign up for gamstop. I have confdience I will never play another online casino again. I might play the odd game of poker or sports bet......but I hope to give that up soon, but I will pay off my debts, and I'm never coming back to this place again.

I told my family a year or two ago but they could never understand how difficult giving up gambling is, and how serious a problem it can be. I broke down to a friend last week and I'm seeing him tomorrow - it's a really big moment for me. I'm going to be honest about my gambling for the first time ever. He might be able to help out a little financially - but I just need a little to sort me for the next month (I never asked for money from my family previously, because I knew it would go back into gambling. This time it's different). The most important thing is the support he can help me with. I'm so nervous about speaking to my friend (he's an accountant). I'm embarassed to say how many payday loans I've taken out......but I'm so positive that I will gradually pay my debts off over the next 2 years.

I've been reading the stories here for inspiration every day and chatting occasionally. Thanks for listening & all comments and advice appreciated. Stay strong everyone - we'll beat this horrible addiction. Take care. Andy. x

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Hi Andy,

Thank you for your heartfelt and honest account of events this year. It takes some courage to admit openly that you have gambled again and that you still do.

You seem very much in two minds as to whether you would like to stop or continue and you know how difficult stopping is. You are making some changes though, small steps, like starting to talk to your friend about this.

As you know, Andy, a gambling problem is unlikely to just go away and it isn't a natural step to go from being out of control with gambling to being in control. You say that you are not quite ready yet to put blockers in place. There is much support for you and you can discuss this with an adviser directly either on the Helpline on 0808 80 20 133 or on the Netline https://www.gamcare.org.uk/frontline-services/netline

Both services are open from 8 am to midnight every day.

All the best to you!

Gabriele

So, .... It felt like a weight off my shoulders, speaking to my mate. I was initially embarassed and ashamed that I got into the situation I have, but after 30 minutes of talking and going through debts honestly, things seemed a lot clearer, and I can see a solution. I'm currently living with my parents so I have a big disposable income that I can use to pay off debts, and hopefully sort all my debts in 12 months+

I've also come up with a budget that I need to stick to which is actually more than I've been living on the past few months. I've decided I'm tired of being broke, and spending all my time gambling. I'm definitely moving forwards, but I know my mind is conflicted about signing up for gamstop - that feels like a very final step. I know i need to do it!

To be brutally honest you wont be able to stop untill u sign up to gamstop.good luck. Adam

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Well I know I didn't it cost me thousands, now we have gamstop at our disposal we are lucky to have it

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Thanks for the honesty Adam. Yes - slowly beginning to realise that I can't even have that £5 sports bet - I will sign up to gamstop.