"Don't be dramatic "

Stephen.

Fella I tried to post to you first thing this morning but I couldn't get past the I am not a robot symbol.

You have caused me great food for thought in your time here, your addiction is very raw and has had a brutal effect on your life.

I think you need to seek out the help out there both for your health and your mental state, maybe it's time to start knocking down some doors to find the answers.

My own mum has been put through so much by my own addiction, for twenty years and more the lies i cast grew and I cared more for funding the next punt than the damage I caused emotionally.

As for standing in a crowd it's something I still struggle with, I am today comfortable in my own skin but am socially very withdrawn and find folk hard to be with.

Feeding addiction will just heighten your ability to mix with folk and I don't know about you but being an active addict made me pretty angry towards folk, I could find blame and fault in everything except placing my next punt.

You are again at a crossroads, you have the ability to choose a better path, one with help and support within it.

How to make the right choice has to want to come from deep within you.

I nearly got to rock bottom, I had an inner will that stopped me hitting it,because if I had have hit the bottom without doubt I would have been dead.

I believe you have the same will within you.

The doors of recovery revolve.

I hope you find the right path,I hope it releases your anger, I hope you get the help available.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Stephen, you deserve a life where you can feel happiness.
You need to make big changes but just for a start you need to tell yourself you are worthy, you can do this. You just have to believe in yourself, tell yourself what you want, go and seek help, heal those wounds. You can succeed. You can make these changes happen.
You know i always look out for you, along with many others.
I look forward to reading about your journey x

Addiction is complicated and can be progressive. most thankfully have no idea. That being said, i did need to accept the addiction and be willing to take the medicine which isn't always ideal or pleasant. GA meetings, counselling, handing over money are a small part of my prescription to staying gamble free the best i can. Certainly not ideal though i grant you.

Stephen

The reason that there are people on here that have stuck by you all this time is that they can see that you do actually try really hard to tackle your demons. Not easy to do it on your own -Just a few motherly tips to help you along - Keep talking to these people and keep up the counselling, cut down on the alcohol and take time out to relax and work out a recovery plan for a more comfortable future. Maybe, once in a while ask some of your loyal friends on here how they are doing as they are all involved in the same problem as you. You sound bright, you have a job and you probably have more good qualities than you think. Gambling or any addictions destroy your self esteem and it is up to you now to work hard to build that back up again. Plenty of people on here happy to support you while you do that. Good luck and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Day 8 gamble free .

Sticking to working hard and doing any overtime available to keep busy .

Not drinking is helping. Spending less time on my phone, deleting apps is also helping too

Couldn't afford my gym membership and I'm back walking to work so things aren't perfect.

Thought I'd put a temporary picture of myself up. A lot of times I read diaries and forget that they are real people behind those stories .

Take care people.

Hi Stephen, just signed in and there you were!!
Great to see a picture of you!
Sounds like you're still working hard at (as gamparentanon says) 'tackling those demons' but tackling them you are - 8 days!
Great to hear from you again, make sure you keep in touch, I remember your diary from long ago when you managed to stop gambling and you were beginning to feel the benefits. I was just wondering what's the longest time you've managed to stop for?
Hope you can have a good go at beating it this time x

Thanks for the message. I've managed three months a couple of times.

3 months is not easy, it takes a lot of determination and I've found the only way I can succeed is with blocks - in my case, no access to credit cards!
I hope you can have a good go at trying to beat it this time.
When you manage to get to a pay day I hope you'll be able to start spending your money on yourself again. After all your hard work, long walks to your job you deserve to spoil yourself by spending it on you, making sure you feel the benefits of it.
How's the pains in your head doing - have you managed to get any further on with them?
Stay strong and I look forward to hearing from you.
LML x

Stephen

Well done on 8 days. Interesting that cutting back on the alcohol is helping. That bit of info will help other people on here I am sure. From our experience that was a problem for us but like you cutting back on the drink has been a real help.

Have a good weekend.

Thanks LML; I handed over my bank card and passport to my ma so hopefully that will help come pay day. I get paid monthly so that still feels a while away. Thanks for asking about my headaches, I'm on a waiting list to be see a neurologist. But i have to admit since the gambling and drinking have stopped my headaches have improved.

Gameparentanon thanks for your comment. The not drinking is helping my mind which is helping my willpower and mood

Gonna post on this more.

Tried to get involved in a work chat in the office today (the boss left early ). I tried to jump in with a joke and the three people literally turned away from me and continued there chat. One of them said "I don't believe a word he says "

Then as I start to write this one of them ask if I have any plans for the weekend and I get involved in the conversation.

So I don't know if I'm too sensitive or over thinking too much.

Well done on handing over your bank card etc. Its not an easy thing to do, so thats a definite plus when it comes to helping yourself.
Really pleased to hear you're feeling up to getting involved with chat today at work. Don't take the response too personally. I could be wrong but I'm thinking that because of the effects of gambling/alcohol maybe your work colleagues aren't quite sure where they stand with you? Maybe because of the stress caused by gambling you might not have been very interested in small talk with them in the past and they may have felt shunned by you?? Only a thought. . .
Good ending to your day with one of them asking about your weekend. If I was you I'd just take it steady, don't expect too much too soon. As your gf days build up, your well-being will improve and I'm sure your relationship with your work colleagues will get better. No doubt, you'll feel more comfortable with them as your journey continues.
Hopefully gambling and alcohol could be causing the headaches therefore, by stopping, you could be on the road to recovery already.
Keep posting, I and as your recent diaries have shown, many others would like to hear about your continued success x

He's back!!!! Good to see/read you! Don't worry about the work lot, you need some real friends 🙂

Well done to you Stephen! It's a tough weekend and I hope we all get through it without giving in and gambling. So glad I logged on yesterday & saw your lovely photo. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.