Back to basics

The counselling will be great for you pal.

Plenty of life left for living, just a tough money ahead. You feel like a **** I'm sure, I do too. I know I can get through it though, not going to be easy. One day at a time.

Try getting all your salary paid into your mums account or someone else you can trust, get them to drip feed you £50-£100 a week, however much you need/can afford. It worked for me before I changed it back 🙁

Smash this month, stay optimistic, try keep on your health kick, great if you can go on your xmas do but don't feel like you are letting anyone down if you don't go.

Phil

Fella,my post of sunday morning feels full of some pretty empty words now.

I refuse to give up on you my friend,as I have written many times I have walked in your shoes,my lifes work will be spent passing on the gift that is to be found in recovery,

Why???

because my friend you are worth it.

Right now take all the help out there.

I leave with a joke my dearly departed GA friend Dave(rip fella) used to share each meeting

How do you make a compulsive gambler a millionaire????????

simple Start him a billionaire!!!!!

Never give up giving up Phil

Duncs stepping forward never back

With active gambling for us the compulsive gambler there is no outcome,just a vicious never ending ever decreasing circle.

With recovery there is a road,one which is full of potholes and debris,but one which has destinations.

Thanks for all the posts. I've woken today feeling pretty low, mainly because I will have to sit down with my mum and tell her what I've done. This will break her heart and I hate doing this to my mum. My counselling appointment has come through and I start on Thursday so I hope this will help me. I really need to beat this, I will no doubt get told how worthless I am by my mum and how I will never stop, I don't blame her for thinking this after all the years of making the same mistakes. Shes out for dinner with friends today so I won't break it till tomorrow as I don't want to ruin her day today.

I have had a call off my counsellor and had a long chat and changed my appointment to tomorrow, I am really looking forward to getting started and hopefully it will help me.

Hi Phil,

Have just read your recent posts, and you already come across positive, that's good to read, I hope you tell your mum, and all of it not just bits,because bearing all is a very big step, yes it will hurt your mum but she's probably already knows and believe me she would rather you lay all of it on the table.

You have not given up on giving up and I know you want to, you can really do this this this time Phil,

Take care and be kind to yourself, it's an addiction,,we don't do this to deliberately hurt anyone, just ourselves, and that is what is so selfish about this addiction, because by hurting ourselves we hurt all our nearest and dearest.

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne. I told my mum last night that I had a counsellor appointment today and she started going on at me about the past, so as I had just finished work I couldn't be bothered with another row, so I left telling her about my slip for now. I will have to sit down with her at some point, but its hard enough to cope right now with what I've done and how I feel. I really can't do with anymore arguments right now. I have my first counsellor appointment today so hopefully that will help.

Hi Phil,

I really do feel for you, I am both ends of the S***e gambling brings.

It's funny but we were 100% selfish ( not our rational doing) when gambling, and now we have to be 100% selfish to aid our recovery I know it comes across strange but you have to put yourself first, for now.

Do what you have to do even if it means not telling your mum all, I am very proud of you for wanting to,stop.

One day at a time with everything in your life really makes sense in all the mess.

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne, I will have to speak to her as I need to give her instructions to be much harder with me when I ask for money. I need her to grill me and I'm going to tell her not to let me near my bank card for the whole of 2015. I need to stop gambling and access to funds or being able to decieve to get funds will allow me to gamble. So I intend to sit her down and emphasise how hard she has to be with me for at least the next year.

Counselling today went really well. I'm getting 8 weeks, my counsellor seems to think this is what I need. I do however wonder if this is because thats all Gamcare will fund. If I feel more than 8 weeks will help me I would be happy to pay for more, its worth it as it would save me so much money if it helped me to stop. I got a lot of things out there and I am really looking forward to next weeks session.

I have a new outlook on life, I feel stronger today than I was yesterday and I'm going to move heaven and earth to put as many blocks in as possible because I need to take this chance. I can't keep hurting myself month on month. I have to take this chance and stop now.

Work done for another week and big day tomorrow. Going to sit down with my mum and run through exactly how tight she needs to be with me for the whole of 2015. Going to run through all the ways I could try to decieve her so she isn't fooled. I wanted to tell her today but couldn't face a row before work, but I definately will tomorrow. Then I am going to go to a GA meeting tomorrow night. Its not how I want to spend my Friday nights, but with working evenings I have to do it on one of my nights off. I need to go to the meetings as regular as I can to get full benefit. Then at some point asap I need to do a serious drive round and self exclude from the bookies I used last weekend.

I'm still sticking strongly to my diet, I aimed to lose 2 stone in 8 weeks, but did it in 6. I now want to lose another 2 stone in 10 weeks. It will take strong will power, but so far so good. 2015 can be a good year for me, its in my hands. If I'm a fitter person and can avoid gambling and make my finances better then 2015 can bring a lot of positives. I need to make a list of targets tomorrow that I want to achieve in 2015 and then can tick off as the year goes along. All of them can be achieved if I restrain from the gambling.

Been a good Friday so far, woke up and weighed myself to find I have lost another 4 pounds. Then I had to sit down and confess all to my mum, she was upset and angry, but has calmed down now. I have told her she needs to be less trusting of me and from now till the end of 2015 never give me large amounts of money and to quiz me when I ask for money. I have also contacted payroll in work and given them her bank details so my wages will go into her bank from now on. A drastic move but much needed. There may well be times I crave a bet but this should make it impossible for me to gamble large amounts. Feel a lot better now everything is in the open. GA meeting tonight, I'm all go to beat this and need to give GA a serious try.

Great move BA - even though you'll have less access to money, you'll find you end up with more money overall!

Even though you are limited to what you can gamble, try not to even gamble a little bit, the hold is often too strong and you could quite easily end up in trouble.

I've been there, had my mum looking after my money but I stole and sold stuff to gamble, all because I thought I could have that small punt.

It's not work it buddy, good luck! Glad things went well with your mum...I've got that coming in the next few days, bricking it!

Hi Phil,

Well done on telling your Mum, be kind to you, but be kind to your Mum too, she will be hurting.

Suzanne xx

Hi Phil,

Glad the conversation with your mum went okay, it may have appeared hard but you telling her that you need some tough love is infinitely easier for a parent than having to make the decision to dish out that tough love themselves. Well done on losing those pounds on the scales, not on the latest punt!

Ryan

Hey Phil,

Thank you for your lovely words on my diary, and yes I feel alit better today thanks.

Have a lovely gambling free weekend and feel proud because you are winning.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Day 6 and I actually slept in for a change, now everything is in the open I have a clearer mind and am finding it easier to relax. Should be on my way to Oxford but two of the lads have dropped out and the others like a bet too much so not the place for me! So I'm sat watching sports on tv and thats where I will stay for the day. I've had 6 days without any dark thoughts and my mind is full to the brim with positivity! Might feed another addiction this afternoon and buy Football Manager 2015, the most addictive game ever but as I'm off the beer at the moment its a good way to fill some free time. This time last week my head was full of gambling urges and I felt rotten, today its gone and I feel much better. I've made a start at a 2015 list of things I want to do, all are achievable as long as I don't gamble. The small amounts of money my mum gives me at a time certainly won't tempt me, so I have a good year to look forward to.