Can I come back from this ?

We have been talking a little today i hope he can see some light ....His support would do wonders right now x

So day there is over almost , we've been talking through the day he still seems hot and cold. But I cannot expect anything less here's to day 4 x

Today has been one of the hardest days, having not fully slept in around 3 days I'm extremely dizzy and a little like I'm drunk .... the tears have dried up and now I am just sore , red and patchy ..... Hopefully a hot bath and an early night can crack this even if I don't sleep my body needs better rest than the sofa x

Paid him some of the money i had, actually slept first time since Sunday, ten hours ! I have budgets up and made payment plans to place, i hope when he round tomorrow i feel like this x

Little bits of progress on the relationship front today , gambling however is getting irradicated slowly but surely from my life ..... This feels good as counseling gets put in place, budgets and debts organised ...... Maybe just maybe my soul could be saved x

Today has been the worst day yet , i feel weak, defeated lonely and like i am a horrible horrible person i don't deserve forgiveness ... If i was a dog they would of put me down already

You deserve all of the above and more.

I am going to dish out the 'Julie advice'. Today is the day that you take one hour at a time. You be gentle and you be kind to yourself. Addiction is a terrible thing. My and all of our support is with you today. If that is the thing that comforts you today, then so be it. We are all on the one road Nannai, all of us here.....Today is the day that you will put down that stick and be kind to you. I have to dash out the door to work momentarily, but I will hopefully see you in chit chat tonight. I am managerless at work, so if you are posting again, I will try and get back to you this aft. When, the cats away and all that jazz..

You are a strong independant person, who is lovable and just needs a helping hand up right now. My motto is, never ever look down on anyone, unless your helping them back to their feet again....

Hugs

Julie x

Hi Nannai...I feel for you I really do, you are having such a hard time just now but you've taken the first important steps by coming here, your partner will be hurting...time is important, time for you to start to clear your mind from the gambling fog, time for him to come to terms with what he probably sees as betrayal.... take things slowly, concentrate just today....It's not easy but things WILL get better .... get blocks in place, it's not a solution but will 100% help in the early days.

Keep posting & stay close to the forums, read read and read some more, knowledge of this nasty addiction can help make a difference, shout out if you need support...It's here for those that are willing to accept it.

Wishing you well.

Mari x

The Julie advice is much appreciated , I'm back to a tearful mess need to pull myself together incase he does come later i need my strength about me x

Thank you mari left the page open and didn't see your comment xx

I've decided to have my face as my picture out of representatation today, I'm out and happy to be out ..... It's hard and what I've done is wrong but some thing has to give or I'm going to drive my self insane ...

Hiya Nannai, I'm sorry but I think we need a bit of perspective here. Your crime, you ran up a £280 bill on his phone, unintentionally, which you intended to pay back. You have not been honest about the extent of your gambling. Extenuating circumstances: you have developed an addiction to gambling, which is considered to be an emotional illness. Facts: you have opened up to your partner, you are seeking counselling, you have taken steps to stop gambling. None of this makes you a 'horrible horrible person'. 10 years or so ago I divorced my husband, he had admitted gambling in the bookies to me, when I looked at his statements it was thousands, whilst I paid all the household builds. I used his gambling as an excuse to get out of a relationship that had not been working, a relationship that I had already emotionally left. If your partner is struggling to 'forgive' you, making you feel so little about yourself, I think you need to look beyond the issue of your gambling. I don't want to upset you, but nor do I want to watch you blaming yourself. So many people on here talk about how gambling has damaged their relationships, but i tend to think that a lack of communication in the first place may lead to the gambling. Come on hon, dry those tears you are a good person who has made a mistake.

Rhoda...I was just about to write almost word for word what you've written...in fact you've put it better than I could ...very very wise words.....
Nannia....read and 're read R hodas fantastic post above...
Stop beating yourself up hun. ..concentrate on staying gamble free and focus on yourself. ...stay strong x

Just a quick message, as i am un-likely to get anywhere near here tomorrow with a full day at work...I really hope tonight was okay. I have to conur with Rhoda and Loxxie, but only because I think there is a lot of truth in what they said. We all gamble for our own reasons Nannai, I know why I did it....the stress of work and trying to be perfect etc. etc. Make sure your getting the best for you in that relationship. If that is what you are getting, then there are many happy days to come....

I hope tomorrow is okay for you, work on the assumption that there will be up's and down's and then down's and up's. My mind still races 35 days later. It is a one day at a time jobby.

Sending you the brightest wishes for an amazing Saturday

Julie x

Just a little update as I haven't really been on, I've missed chat rooms and actually felt guilty and a tad like I am cheating .... however no urges to gamble and have been distracted quite well with long walks and TV ... also find reading articles help about subjects I take an interest in and also leads to Wikipedia articles ...

I hope everyone I've spoke to is doing okay ....

Forever hopeful x