Day One

Hi Charley , just popped by to wish you well and congratulate you on your 33 day's of being gamble free :))., I keep seeing your footprints around the forum which is always great to see you offering support to others :))

Although you sound as though your working hard at the mo , It's good to see that your catching up on things that have been neglected and keeping busy is a great way of focusing your attention elswhere , I was whizzing around like a Tazmanien Devil for the first couple of months but it did the trick and kept my mind off gambling :))

Hope You have a great weekend and I'll catch up with you again soon .

Keep doing what your doing coz its obviously working :))

Best wishes Alan

Hi Alan 135, thank you very much for your lovely comment, really made my day. I'm certainly feeling like I'm whizzing around at the moment, but got a weekend off now 🙂 Going to keep busy, but doing things I haven't had chance to do and what I enjoy etc. I've slacked a little on support others on here this week, so I must make more of an effort this weekend and I will...once I've caught up on some sleep! 😉 Take Care C x

Day 34-boy am I glad it's Friday!! I plan on having an early night, as feeling exhausted tonight think the whole trying to do too much has caught up a little, but I'll regain some energy this weekend. Just wanted to check in. Will update this weekend. Cx

Day 35- An amazing sleep which is just what I needed! Need to pop to town for a few things this morning, then going to clean the house and keep busy. C x

Hey Charley,

Thank you for dropping by my diary, much appreciated...and you're right, it is waiting for the fog to lift so that we can view things differently. Good job on the 35 days 🙂

Thank you only me. Much appreciated. Happy Saturday C x

Thanks Samson 🙂 C. X

Day 36- a miserable, rainy day, but I'm feeling good. I've booked in some dates for Halloween and Christmas with my friends this year, which I will attend and not let them down, I won't be coming up with some crappy excuse about not being able to go, but in reality it's because I've spent all my money on gambling! I will make this year count and try to make up for being 'absent' the past how ever many years. If I did attend Xmas events etc I was never really there mentally. I'm for the first time in a long time really looking forward to Halloween and Xmas and doing the little things that count...making memories with those i love. I've decided I no longer want to feel those awful feelings that go with gambling anymore, it's no life, no way to live and I have the ability and chance to live the best life I can. I'm lucky, and I count my blessings everyday. We are here once and from now on I want to make the best of it, as we never know what's around the corner. I don't want to ever be remembered as someone who never cared about anyone but herself, selfish, took part in nothing etc that isn't me, sadly it was my character when the awful gambling took grip, but I will not let it take grip again because it changes my personality to a person I truly dislike and if i dislike that person, then sure enough everyone around me will dislike it too! Over the past 36 days I've absolutely started to regain my old character; I do things for other people because that's what makes me feel good, I take time out of my day to catch up with people, to ask people how they are, again something so simple, but sadly I stopped whilst in the grip of gambling! I walk to work with a clear head and a smile on my face because I've started to love work again, not just see it as a place I must go to to find my gambling addiction, like I did for so many years. I can treat those I love, not majorly as I have debts still to pay, but I can simply buy them their favourite chocolate bar, bake with them etc I'm seeing some head way with my debts, they are going down instead of up. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel maybe long, but I'll get there. Debts will be paid off eventually. I can see myself on nice holidays in the future, without the stresses of gambling in the background! A massive gain is I can actually sleep at night...a good nights sleep in some way makes my troubles that little easier, I can focus more on trying to fix them instead of hiding and ignoring them. I walk around with my head up, looking at the beautiful county, instead of head down ashamed or head down looking at my phone! I can 100% say this is absolutely the way I want to live, it is living where as before I felt i was just existing and nothing more and I don't ever want to put myself back to feeling that way again! Happy Sunday folks, stay focussed, set your goals, follow your dreams and stay gamble free. C x

Thank you Half-life. Absolutely loving being able to see clearly and having a clear head (ish) Cx

Day 36- evening. Just sat down and having a recap of the day. Cleaned the front room this morning, went to town and bought a few bits, walked there and back so got abit of exercise too 🙂 Came back, unpacked things had a bru and sat down to look at my money for the month/months ahead again, it never leaves me feeling thrilled, as I know money wise I'm far from where I want to be, but it is nice to see some head way with debts and to be half way through the month and not have blown all my wage on gambling!! Got up and remminded myself they will get paid off and to relax a little more about it. I made some lunch with some very cheap 'whoops' items i managed to get last night! 🙂 I put a documentary on in the background as I got on with some other jobs, ironing and sorting myself for the week ahead etc it was about poor families and how they survive through the tough times, a little girl came on and she barely had anything, but she didn't mind. She was about 9 years olds, she said as long as I have my family that's all that matters. You could be really rich and still have problems, and poor with problems, but sometimes we all just need a little help in life.' What a girl!! Loved this and how she really didn't care about not having the latest phone etc she was happy because she had a family and even all the money in the world can't bring your family back, once they are gone. Really made me feel thankful! I even enjoyed the rest of my ironing because I can iron my clothes, some people cant. I've made my lunch for tomorrow (pasta) made enough to last a couple of days, will pinch abit out of the pan for my tea and then I'm sorted. Hope everyone is ready for the week ahead! C x

Day 37-as gambling urges go, I don't have any at the moment. As moods go I'm rather stressed out today! Work wise and it's only half way through Monday! Sick of the same people not doing their jobs, leaving people like me to pick up the pieces and extra, so I can do my job! just on my lunch break and feel the need to rant before I carry on this afternoon. I don't normally get too stressed work wise and have started to enjoy my work again, but today feel really fed up/annoyed! It seems to me sometimes, those who earn more, do less! How that works, I don't know!! Any way I feel a little better having a rant! Hopefully the day will improve and so will my mood! Cx

Day 37-night. Just flopped into bed, absolutely exhausted! Been a hard day today for some reason, not really sure why. Things that normally don't bother have been making me feel anxious, but I'm not sure why. Just felt a little on edge today, maybe with getting stressed at work. Well hopefully a good nights sleep and I'll be back to my Miss positive! Night all C x

Day38- morning. Feeling more positive today and going to try my best to keep it that way. Had breakfast and a coffee, lunch packed up, so I'm lucky! At the moment, I'm not missing gambling and have rarely thought about it because I'm enjoying making progress wit my debts and having money in my pocket, I've got Christmas to focus on too. I know I'm far from where I want to be, but I'm getting closer everyday. I'm not taking it for granted not having urges as I've experienced before a sudden huge urge out of no where. I will always be aware, but this life without gambling is defiantly worth it and more enjoyable. Happy Tuesday folks. C x

Thank you Samson. Hope you're still staying strong cx

Day38-evening. Just sat down with a coffee, quick break and back at it lots of work to catch up on at home tonight. Love being busy during the week, even though sometimes I feel exhausted, but better than sitting around feeling sorry for myself, which I did for far to long! Good, productive day today. Bought a few Halloween things to make with my niece and nephew over the weekend and was thrilled that I will be 100% focused to making this weekend amazing for them because I won't be sat there in a cloud of fog thinking about gambling! I'm so excited for the weekend, something so simple, but again I missed out last year, in fact I don't think I did a thing for Halloween last year. Diary is starting to get booked up now for Xmas and loving that I can say yes and not make up some rubbish excuse! So I must stick to not gambling or I'll miss out on it all again and I can't bare that! That's me for today. Cx