Day One

Ha ha thank you Alan. Thank you for your comment and encouragement. Day 47-night and seriously ready for bed. Not the best of days in general, but no gambling and no urges, so good in that respect. Off to bed now, time to switch off cx

Day 48-morning. Woke up to horrible weather, but got that Friday feeling! 🙂 another week done. Just realised that if I carry on and I WILL I will of been over 100days gamble free by Christmas...what a Christmas present!! 🙂 Nearly at 50 days and to be honest, I've amazed myself I'm nearly st 50days! Feeling proud. Happ Friday folks cx

Hey Charley,

Way to go! Really good to see your positivity and determination shining through!

Us addicts need a lot of patience while on this journey. There is a saying "slowly slowly catchy monkey" ☺..all comes with time, be smarter than that monkey and use your patience as you so well do. Good things comes with time!

Have a good day & stay safe

S x

Thank you hopeful soul. Cx

Day 50- thrilled to get to 50 days! Didn't have chance to get on here yesterday, hectic day, but in a good way. Another busy week ahead, but that's the best thing for me! My mind is so much clearer still these days, the difference in 50 days...I wouldn't of believed it myself if someone would of told me 50 days ago, that I'd feel happier and see a future, a fun, family filled adventure of a future! For anyone who is struggling at that moment, there is hope, you can have a future, it's not going to be easy, far from it, but I can tell you this life with out gambling is much more rewarding, I appreciate the small things in life, that to be honest I ignored for years! I'm grateful for precious time because gambling has taking so much of my precious time. We never no how long we have got left and I have 100% decided that I don't want to spend the time I've got left on gambling, as I well know I can never get that time/money back! The excitement of having a future is an amazing feeling, again some people don't have the luxury of a future, so I really am not going to waste mine! Happy Sunday all! Cx

Happy Hawaii day Charley.

I've not been posting and commenting as much as I used to but still read on here daily.

Reading on here you can't help but notice what a positive contributor you are. Your own diary shows strength and determination full of unselfish acts and your support to others is both heart felt but but straight talking.

keep going the way you are and you will only continue to have success that you are enjoying now just keep vigilant and don't become complacent(I'm not saying you are lol) and day by day your life will get increasingly brighter.

KTF

Hi Charlie , big congrats on reaching 50 days of Winning for real , half way to the century club already , great stuff keep smashing it !! X

Day 51- I feel it's time for a bit more of my story, to remind myself how far I've come and where never ever want to be again! So, after gambling on and off for years, about a year ago the gambling really took hold of me, like its all I thought about and wanted to do. That's when I realised I had started to change and I was from the person as was, but I actually at that time didn't care. Infact, I didn't care about a lot of things I'm sad to say. The months were long, as waiting for pay day seem to feel a constant drag, usually because I'd blown all my money hours after pay day. I used to set my alarm for 1am, knowing is of been paid. Then pay my pay day loans off...usually a lot of them! Then I'd be skint, so the cycle would begin, try and win what I'd paid in loans back...who was I kidding because I know I would never of been happy with what I did win and would always gamble it away or want more. So usually by 9am pay day, I'd take payday loans out again! Everyone else used to be excited at pay day, treat themselves to nice clothes, nights out etc. I had two jobs, so should of been well off with money really...if I'd of saved it and not flushed it down the toilet. I kick myself constantly about my losses and think to be honest I always will, but again I do believe the huge losses I had, I needed them for a wake up call! I am far from proud of the person I became, grumpy, miserable, unsocial, angry, I horrible person to be around. I remember locking myself in my room for days, not wanting to speak to anyone, do anything etc I think in my head it was a punishment to myself for being so stupid! I missed endless parties, day trips and memory making, again this kills me now, but at the time I didn't care! I'd totally forgotten what it was like to have a good nights sleep and feel human. I was far from performing at work because I felt so tired all the time and miserable. several times I thought how much better it would be if I wasn't here, everyone would be able to get along with their lives without having this useless, miserable git beside them! I never ever want to be in the place again, it was truly awful! I'm cross with myself in a way because I let myself get into the situation. I became very Poorly and ended up in hospital for a few weeks, I was told news that I wasn't ever going to get better, that it was something I was going to have to live with for ever, sometimes things will be good (pain wise) sometimes they'll be dreadful! Now, sit in a hospital bed being told this, you'd think it would of woken me up, (it would now) but in my head, I deserved that horrendous pain for being such a fool for so long! That night, whilst in hospital I gambled again, I even used to make deals with myself...if I get to £100, I'll totally bank it....£100...oh let's see if we can get to £200....and you no the rest. So money lost, bank account cleared and I'm sat in hospital with life changing news. I had a room of my own, so I started to cry, which seemed to come from no where. A lovely nurse walked by and say with me, she spoke about how much of a shock it's been, how other people deal with it, what mediation can do to help etc...hoe awful of me because I really don't think I was crying over my illness, but because of the money mess I was in and the fact that i had no money left to gamble! This now absolutely disgusts me!! Time went on, I came home from hospital, at that point i was shocked to realise how many people actually cared, cards, flowers, vists, gifts, well wish texts etc...this actually was a point I realised I hadn't lost everyone yet! This gave me a boost a little. So I started to google other people with the same illness and read their stories, this totally inspired me because I am one of the lucky ones, I could be 100% worse off. I can walk about some days without no pain at all, sometimes weeks with out any pain. Other people have pain 24/7 now they are the ones who should complain, feel sorry for themselves...not me, my gambling pain was selfinflicted! So I started to watch, read stories of people who were very poorly, any children's hospital programme I could watch etc I know, sounds depressing, but for me it was a huge wake up call as to how flipping lucky I am! I still have good and very bad days health wise, but on the whole I'm a lucky girl! I don't really no why I felt the need to share this today, maybe because I am quite a positive person now, but I wasn't always...in fact fat from it. But perhaps I just wanted to remind anyone out there that it is possible to change, to have a better life and to have a future. Some days I can't get out of bed or struggle to with pain, those days are a serious test of strength to not just lie in bed and gamble. Now I watch documentaries to remind myself it's just a bad day for me, not a bad life. Feel much better getting that off my chest. Now off for a day with friends...because I can, I can afford to buy myself lunch and don't have to have water, I can have a Coke...all because I haven't flushed all my money down the toilet gambling. Happy Monday folks! Cx

Hey Charly!!!

Well done on hitting the big 50!! U are a true inspiration on here, always taking the time to comment on people's posts. I wish you the best of journeys. I still think about losses and feel it's one of the hardest things to let go of too. Look forward to saying congrats on the big 100 🙂 xx

Hi Charley,

Firstly, congratulations on passing that fifty day milestone - definitely making good progress on that front, and great to read that your resolve and determination are strong, and that you have the motivation to keep knocking the little gambling weasel on its head.

I read your recent post, sorry to read about your condition and the pain that it causes, but I guess that wouldn't be helped in anyway by gambling, just the losses making everything worse - the losses don't seem to matter when you're gambling, but they haunt you when you're not I guess. KEep building back towards the better life you are on the path to.

Thank you very much for your kind post, and hope you are getting through hump day as best you can.

Ryan x

Day 54- not had chance to write in here for a couple of days, sadly. I've been so busy, I just don't know where the time/days have gone! Ha ha! But all good busy, not throwing my money away etc. Been Xmas shopping and I'm super organised this year and just can't wait to have a clear head this Xmas! Actually can't believe how fast 54 days have gone! Hope everyone is staying strong. I'm off to bed now...yep before 9pm, but I'm a girl who needs her sleep! Ha. See you tomorrow day 55. Cx

Brilliant C. You told me a couple of weeks go that things would become easier and clearer. You were spot on. Thank you x

Day 57-am- Another hectic, but great weekend filled with laughter and simple things. I've started to write a bucket list, a little random I know, but I do like a tick list and love to have things to focus on and need things to focus on to keep busy. There is so much out there in the world and I no longer want to miss it all! However, positive I am I will never be confident that I will or I have beaten this horrible addiction because I can't and will in some way probably never be 'free' as One little slip and I could easily be back to where I was a few months ago. I will always put 100% effort in to not ever being in that position again, as it's no life to hate everything in life, not want to get out of bed etc. But things are great at the moment, so I'm grabbing that with both hands and running! 🙂 Hope the tunnels for the rest of you are looking a little brighter at the end. Cx

Hi Charley well done on your days ppl like you are inspiration for me. So glad life's good for you again too best wishes Lu x

Nice to see your still doing good. Isn't funny how busy you become once you start to lay Mr G to rest, makes u wonder how you had they time to gamble. Keep fighting xxx