"Don't be dramatic "

Stephen, I've got to say you've given me something today that has struck a chord with me and made an impact on my life.
It was indirectly passed on from Raynerds post through cardhue.
You commented on his post so curiosity got the better of me and I read it!
You commented on the Ted talk. I watched it and you're right. It does strike a chord and make you think - so thank you.
Gamparentanon is right. I'm not sure whether it makes me a shallow person for saying this but when I saw your face on your profile you looked lovely. Not a bit how you portray yourself to be.
And there are many positives in your life that you can build upon.
I hope your studying is going well today.
When you return to work, don't forget to smile. Smiles usually get returned and even if they don't, don't worry, that's their problem. You're allowed to smile for yourself because you're going to be trying your best to improve yoГ№r life and that has to be worth it! x

Little miss lost wrote: Hi Stephen,
19 days is an achievement. You bought cans instead of gambling with the money so the option was there.
Massive well done for using this diary to write your thoughts down.
You need to use your diary more often.
There are so many people on this site. Each have their own stories, each have their own personal challenges in life.
Love hearing you say you are ready to try again and more importantly you are wanting to try again.
Don't do too much at once. You need to put you and your well-being first.
When you say you're going to do one thing each day to improve yourself you don't have to do anything major every day. Even just sending a supportive message on here would class as being a good deed for the day, you usually find that good deeds eventually get rewarded in one way or another.
Remember another way of helping yourself is to seek advice and support from others.
When you are feeling better and happier within yourself then you will feel more confident with meeting new people.
I look forward to reading your future posts.
All good wishes x

Definitely agree with this post a lot. When I say I wanna make a forward step each day I don't mean anything dramatic. I had a conversation with my ma this morning . I read diaries on this. That's two forward steps already.

And yea 20 days now now is an achievement so i should defo give myself more credit

gamparentanon wrote:

Hi Stephen - this is that old mother hen fussing over you again but I always hope some of what I say is of help to you.

I will keep banging on about you using your time off to write down an action plan for improving your lifestyle and wellbeing. It can be done if you put your mind to it. I still think you are maybe trying to cope with all of this on your own at home and that is probably what is holding you back. However, to compensate for that I really hope you stick with all of us on here. LML is such a great support to you so hopefully you will work with us and not against us with the support and advice we all offer.

First of all write down your achievements and be proud - some of thi things I have read in your posts.

achievement 1 - 19 days non gambling

achievement 2 - you are in employment (be it a pain sometimes) but you are holding on to that job and improving your job prospects by taking exams. A lot of people would not summon up the effort or energy to study and take exams but you do.

achievement 3 - you have come on here to seek help and advice and admit you have problems - a very brave and sensible thing to do.

achievement 4 - you have tried really hard to integrate with your work colleagues but have hit a bit of a brick wall but at least you have tried.

achievement 5 - your photo showed what I thought was a really pleasant young face.

A big problem with a lot of young people today is lack of self esteem and maybe watsap, facebook or twitter are not the best places to go on if you feel low or have had a bit to drink. If you meet someone online you inevitably have to face them in real life. If you do have a problem with your eye then just be honest and tell people or try and discuss the problem with people rather than trying to hide it. Somewhere out there will be a really nice person who will accept you for who you are and I have said to you before you will probably meet that person when you least expect it. I always believe that there is no such thing as a perfect person with a perfect body or a perfect mind. If we have flaws that we are worried about it is a matter of how to deal with it and not let it get in the way or everyday life. I know myself from past experience how hard that is and how lonely you can become but with a little thought and initiative your life can improve Stephen. Please make today Day 1 of a new start to your young life. You really have more to offer that you think. Please take care.

Thanks gameparentanon when it's listed like that I think I should give myself more credit .

I definitely think not having any human interaction on my weekends or time off isn't helping either. Going back to the gym and going back to GA would be two steps I could do next week to even part address that issue .

In terms of how I look i should prob put to the side for the time being. Concentrate on the not gambling and like you and LML have said other parts of my life will improve.

Little miss lost wrote: Stephen, I've got to say you've given me something today that has struck a chord with me and made an impact on my life.
It was indirectly passed on from Raynerds post through cardhue.
You commented on his post so curiosity got the better of me and I read it!
You commented on the Ted talk. I watched it and you're right. It does strike a chord and make you think - so thank you.
Gamparentanon is right. I'm not sure whether it makes me a shallow person for saying this but when I saw your face on your profile you looked lovely. Not a bit how you portray yourself to be.
And there are many positives in your life that you can build upon.
I hope your studying is going well today.
When you return to work, don't forget to smile. Smiles usually get returned and even if they don't, don't worry, that's their problem. You're allowed to smile for yourself because you're going to be trying your best to improve yoГ№r life and that has to be worth it! x

Hey again LML it's a good listen isn't it. I normally wouldn't read other diaries and certainly not read links so it was a great bonus for my morning . I'm gonna post it in the chat room later too

Hi Stephen, great to read such positive posts from you.
I had to smile when you said you'd had a conversation with your ma, it reminded me of when gamparentanon had previously said a while back give your ma a surprise and make her a cup of tea. I wondered if you'd shared a cuppa with her today - I hope so.
With regards to the link, yes it was a good listen. What was said about addictions and in the way it was said did make me think. Even though it's been said in roundabout ways before it just seemed to make more sense in the way it was explained. It gave me a bit of a boost to be even more determined to make small changes in my life - ultimately to help myself.
Get yourself back to the gym and GA. I can only see things improving if you do.
All good wishes LML x

3 weeks free today. feels like the digits are starting to build up now.

Didnt sleep well last night, woke up at 4 am and just felt so depressed and couldnt sleep till 6am. Up again at 7 for work.

Work hasnt been too bad today, its been quiet and i like that. A lot easier to concentrate on the work.

Went on to the gamcare chatrooms yesterday, its a good way to spend an hour.

Have a safe day.

Hi Stephen, good to hear from you again.
We can't get away from it. We have our down days and have to just learn how to cope with them when they come and look forward to the day when they get fewer and further between which does eventually happen.
Glad you enjoyed your hour on chat room. Stay strong and hope you sleep better tonight xx

Thanks LML had a really good day actually. I have a group of lads I go for tea with in work so it was good to have a chat . Had a nice walk home which always clears the mind.

Really enjoying the chat room at the moment. It's a good way to spend an hour in the evenings

Another good day chalked up. That makes 3 weeks today gf!!
Looking forward to celebrating a month with you!
Sleep well x

How are you doing?
Hope all's well x

Hey LML and everyone

Volunteered to do overtime in work today i don't normally work weekends . I was the only person in the office but I was happy to keep busy.

The afternoon i did something I was happy about. I looked at the football odds on a gambling site.

Even though I have handed over my bank card and passport I still had a look . I guess it was because payday is a few days away. But not happy about it.

I've done a lot this week to change my attitude and behaviours. But I'm feeling a bit down tonight . I'm just at home watching t.v. on a Saturday night. Such a waste really.

Back in work tomorrow but I don't mine that.

So am I Stephen...and have spent many Saturday nights like that. There is going to come a time that you won't be sat at home watching TV. But until that time, enjoy it. Make the most of an early night before work tomorrow. Going to bed knowing your not gambling away your hard earned money. Works sounds like it is just ticking over for you. Is there a social aspect to your work colleagues, do they go out for pints etc. Maybe worth getting to know a few people and moving forward from there. My work don't go out that often, and I was avoiding going out with them for a while, but now I try and go to anything that I can do.

I am not doing a lot either tomorrow, but am glad of the rest. I have my Mam over next weekend from Ireland and my cousin's 30th, so all go really in one weekend, that is why I value quiet one's like these. Don't get me wrong, I need to get out more, but it is only me that can change that.

Have a lovely day tomorrow, nice to see you around. I know it sounds corny, but I love hearing from people from home.....:)

Julie x

Hi Stephen, I've just read your post. Good to hear from you especially good to read you've done a lot to change your attitude and behaviours.
It's Saturday night and you're spending it at home watching the telly. Not such a bad thing if you're happy with your life but you're not happy so as you say now is the time to make changes.
What I suggest is Google volunteering for your area - don't switch off!
There is a wide choice of things that you can volunteer for eg. Looking after animals at rspca/animal charities. Helping at sporting clubs on committees, doing paperwork, books, groundsmen. Hospitals, charity shops, teaching people to read etc. Your local church would know of people who need odd jobs doing or just company and a cuppa. Projects are usually on the go for your area, which we never hear about. You can give an hour here and there when you feel like it or you can do it on a regular basis. The brilliant thing about volunteering is they all involve meeting people, it builds up confidence and gives you a sense of purpose.
There are also many clubs out there, walking, photography, wildlife, the list goes on and on.
Many people gamble out of boredom and the need to get a buzz out of life.
Stephen, with your abilities and skills I'm sure a lot of people would be grateful for your help.
In fact writing this has made me think about why don't I give it a go!!
Hope you don't mind me suggesting this.
Gambling is such a waste of time and your hard earned money.
All good wishes xx

Really struggling today . We have got paid. Even though I handed over my bank card I still have a lot of anxiety/ nerves.

And it's not like I'm dying to put on a bet on a horse , it's just thinking of "ok how much do I save, should i get money and go shopping etc. That kind of stuff is making me feel a bit nervous and would normally lead to a bet .

I have my gym bag with me and I'm going to the gym after work . But i have zero motivation for it .

I don't think I have prepared for payday as well as I thought.

Come on Stephen, you can do it.
I'd say don't worry about how much you've got today or how much you should save. Think what you need just to get you through a day at a time.
If you have to draw money out every time you need it could your Ma help you by looking after some cash and giving you so much every day?
Don't let your thoughts get you down. You've been doing so well. Stay positive and remember if you feel it's too much you can always ring the samaritans or gamcare. It usually helps to talk.
It's not easy Stephen but it is so worth the effort. You want to make changes, you've made a great start towards making a better life for yourself.
All good wishes x