Enough is enough

Welcome bcfcgirl

I take it from your initial post your fella knows the score that you have a problem with gambling?

Seems to me you gamble to escape the bordem of being stuck at home whilst on maternity maybe? Most will quit gambling and find there's a void that needs filling. Is there something you can fill it with should be something you enjoy an old hobbie or even a new one.

Most of us know all to well about winning one week and handing it back the next unfortunately that's the nature of a win of any amount never being enough. Gambling addiction generally isn't about winning money it's more the doing we become addicted to . It's good that you're being posative about the forth coming journey. One thing to never forget is the way you feel right now , because that feeling will wear off in a few days and that's when it becomes a struggle with the thoughts again.

Step one phone your provider and put a cap allowance on your phone bill. Also order a new bank card remove the Cvv code it's useless online then , speak to your fella and get him to control your finances ,, if not him someone you trust . Someone mentioned on this very forum put everything you have in your life and value it against your next bet would you risk it all for a spin of the slot?

Read , post do what ever it takes to put enough space between you and your last bet .

Whishing you well

Deano

Ps I prefer the old gold myself lol

Thanks for taking the time to reply Dean! You're thinking of the wrong bcfc, I support the other bcfc in the championship, uneasy times for us at the moment :/

Great tip about the phone bill and cvv number! I'm definitely going to do both 🙂

Days 1&2....

I tried posting last night but it kept saying error

So let's start with day 1 - 22/3/17. I woke up still feeling like I hated gambling and really positive about stopping. At lunch time I had one on one online counselling via video chat - the lady really made a lot of sense to me, explaining that she feels I use gambling as a companion when my partner is at work and I need to find interests - trouble is I don't have any other than watching football! I am a mum before anything else and feel guilty about doing things for me - I think the gambling was easy to do at home, while kids are asleep and it was easy to hide so I didn't have to worry about people judging me! It's time I found out who I am and found my own interests! I have no idea where to start and I do feel guilty but I think I need this! I was quite busy all day yesterday running errands so I didn't really get chance to sit and stop about gambling! So day 1 was a big success

Day 2 - 23/3/17. I was dreaming about gambling just before I woke up!? How bad is that! I dreamt I had lost £50 and was panicking about feeding the kids for the next week! Imagine my relief when I woke up and realised it was just a dream. Again I've had a busy day with shopping, haircuts and meetings with teachers so I haven't stopped until this very moment - I'm 100% sure day 2 is a success too. I had a £15 cheque clear in my bank this morning so usually now I'd be signing in on slots and wasting that plus whatever more I could get my hand on. Instead, I'm going to buy myself a couple of cheap kindle books and get lost in them a little later on once the kids are asleep. I can't say I've been tempted to gamble at all yet and I'm feeling strong!

I had a message from my credit card company this morning saying I am £20 over my limit so I paid it off then they said I'm due £15 charges on the 1st because I was using my card to deposit on sites and they charge you for it! Even though I've stopped it's horrible realising just how much money I've been wasting on it. I keep trying to tell myself I can't change the past, I can only control what happens from now but I doesn't stop me wanting to slap myself!

I keep having gambling sites advertised on my fb page so I had a little play around on there earlier and managed to find a way to block all these ads, planning for the future when I'm feeling weak, at least they won't tempt me!

Here's to a good day 3 tomorrow

Day 3 - 24/3/17

Today I count as successful - although I'm sure some would say it wasn't.

I was supposed to be going to bingo with my family next weekend but I've told them I'm not going, when they asked why I told them I've decided to stop gambling. My problem is solely slot machines irl and online. I know I could go with just enough to play bingo and have a sociable time with family but I feel if I'm going to kick the slots for good then I'm better off stopping all gambling. I don't want to be tempted or feel hard done by that I don't have enough cash to play slots too - it's a slippery slope and I want to completely avoid all temptation. So now my family know I feel I have a problem with gambling and they understand. I had a good little chat with them about it and I felt so much better, they won't try to tempt me again.

Saying that.....I had an email offering me 100 free spins on a site I had forgotten to block - I admit I played those free spins and won £12 I tried to cash out then but it wouldn't let me! So to get rid of it I put it all on 1 spin! I started thinking then I could just deposit once, £10 isn't going to hurt and today is my payday so I have money in the bank! It was thankfully only a fleeting thought and instead I went to the self exclude page 🙂 pretty proud of myself actually! I normally just say sod it and before I know it I'm £100 or so down without even thinking about it!

I don't know if today is counted as a successful day because of the free spins but I am counting it as a good day as I haven't spent any of my money! I can't remember the last payday without at least £100 being wasted on slots, is feeling so good about it

Day 4 - 25/3/17

Ok so today I have been tempted to gamble. Not because I want to but because Saturdays are my usual small football bet and then more on slots day.

I've tried telling myself it's just become a bit of a routine, a Saturday ritual for as long as I can remember. With yesterday being payday too it's strange having money in the bank and NOT gambling it!

I don't know how to explain it.....I guess the closest I can get is to say it's like I've forgotten something, like I SHOULD be gambling and there is a big hole of a Saturday afternoon without it. I ended up reading for a couple of hours

That's not saying I want to gamble at all, I really really don't - I guess it's just going to take a few weeks to get used to not having slots in my life anymore

I think I'm just rambling......long story short - I've been strong and this is 4 days GF now 🙂 I can do this!!

Day 5

Another day GF! I'm already thinking how much easier this month should be knowing I have money in my bank for shopping, I shouldn't have to go to the shop to buy bread and milk with 1p and 2ps out the penny jar this month like I've had to the last couple of months (embarrassing)

I refuse to relapse and I'm feeling strong! I still get the odd thought about gambling though and I wish I didn't - but I have no urge to act on it. I guess it is going to take a while to stop thinking about it every day

I cannot believe this - I typed out a monster long post then when I don't the robot thing it was all lost 🙁

Day 1.....again

I was weak, I was waiting for my partner to fall asleep so I could gamble, I knew I was going to and I was excited about it telling myself it didn't matter cos I was only 6 days in - going back to day 1 wasn't such a big deal 🙁 I ended up losing £130 and felt sick then remembered why I stopped in the first place

Today I have put parental controls on everything in the house - all gambling is blocked.

I didn't want to post too much detail on here incase anyone IRL knew it was me but I'm past caring now, I think to get better I need to share more.

I have depression, anxiety and huge self esteem issues. 2 years ago I was a single mum working a high stress underpaid full time job with 2 primary school aged kids. I was lucky to get 6 hours sleep I was on the go constantly. Fast forward 18 months and suddenly I live with my OCD partner who loves cooking and cleaning, I'm on maternity leave and I have the easiest 4 month old baby ever. The only thing I have to do in the day now is school runs and wash up (if I get there before my partner lol) I used to gamble when I worked but I just didn't have the time to put into it like I do now so I didn't class it as a problem. Plus I was bringing home double what I get now so didn't miss it as much.

I used to have a good group of friends, we would be out shopping/coffee/lunch 3-4 times a week and I felt safe and confident with them. When my job turned full time I just didn't have the time anymore to do anything with them 🙁 we grew apart I guess - they all still get around together and I've tried walking up to them on school runs and meeting them for coffee but I'm so out the loop it felt so awkward - I've tried arranging more coffeees with them but they kind of fobbed me off. I have to accept it and move on. Thing is I can't make friends, I can't talk to new people my anxiety and self esteem take over and I panic. My counsellor says I use gambling as a companion and I do but I can't force myself out the house. I do the school run, drive home then hide in the house until it's school pick up time. I am trying to distract myself with things I can do in home like read books and diaries on here

I've just finished reading Sabines diary and I was in floods of tears, that poor lady 🙁 on a completely selfish level it made me think none of us know what's around the corner and I do not want to leave my family with my debts! I need to kick this now!! I have a debt payment plan set up that I'm comfortable with, it will take 5 years but I can still live comfortable enough so I'm not too worried about it.

Today I was driving my partners car when a stone flew up and smashed it! So now I have to pay £80 for a new one. If only I didn't gamble last night!

I usually gamble around £300 a month I guess - I've made a list of things I need to sort/buy

My car won't fire 50% of the time

Since getting a puncture in August I've been driving around on my spare tyre

My fridge freezer leaks and freezes up

Tumble dryer smells like burning every time we use it

Both my older children need new beds

We are looking to move asap (council list though) so we will need money for that

Looking at that list if I just stopped the bloody gambling I could sort all of this out easy - I could easily do 1 if not 2 things on that list a month!

I hope I get past 6 days this time. I need to change it's so draining

Hi bcfcgirl,

A post from the heart, you are clearly going through a tough time. Well done for the parental controls, sometimes we need help to remove the temptation, not sure if you have gambling blocking software like K9 but I have found it helps a great deal too.

I found that gambling took away my self esteem and replaced it with social anxiety. It robs us of money our health and our personalities. But each day we refrain we get a little back. Step by step we walk this road, not an easy journey but the diaries on this site are a great help. Keep reading and posting, stay strong.

paulds

Thanks for replying paulds

I am about to put k9 on my phone - I can still access gambling through 3G if I really wanted on my phone but nothing else. It's best to cover all angels

I'm sorry you have suffered with anxiety and self esteem issues too - I am sure part of mine is down to the gambling too. It's great to hear it can/will get better! I'm hardly living at the moment it feels like I'm just surviving

Onwards and upwards I guess! Life can only get better from here

Day 2

I've had such a rollercoaster of a day. I had coffee with an old friend this morning - it was so good to get out of the house and have adult conversation. I didn't want to leave! I spent 2 hours there and I hope we do it again soon

At 12 I had my 2nd online 1-1 counselling session. I was honest and told her about my slip up Monday night. I had no idea why I did it until I spoke through it with her. It makes sense to me now that my family tempted me with going to bingo irl they were saying about the social aspect and how I should go with them - it made me think about gambling in a positive way again......until I lost Monday night that is. She suggested I told my partner about my slip up. I was going to when he came home from work but I couldn't find the words to tell him face to face. I ended up texting him when I was on the school run!

When I got home I burst into tears I was so ashamed and embarrassed I can't control this. I really sobbed my heart out. He gave me a big cuddle and has asked what he can do for me, he has even offered to come to mother and baby groups with me to get me out the house and get some interests and friends outside of gambling. Mother and baby groups seem like a huge thing to me so we will see if I take him up on that offer or not. I'm such a wimp!!

I'm installing k9 as soon as I'm off here (partner is setting the password) then we are going to watch some tv - I'm so lucky to have him I do not want to mess this up with wasting my money like I have done!

Day 3

Slowly building the days up again. Today I am so glad I'm not gambling! I put in a claim for something over a month ago and forgot about it - woke up this morning and there was a whole £1k in my bank from this claim! I was amazed. If I was gambling I would have spent half of that chasing bonus on slots. Because that isn't an option and I really don't feel like it - I've managed to catch up with my rent, pay our summer holiday off, replace the council tax money I spent the other night (so ashamed), book a nice but cheap meal out with my partner next weekend - and I still have enough to get my baby some much needed things like a cotbed and stair gate.

It's really saved me and paying these things off has made me realise how I can get by easily without gambling 🙂 things are only going to get better and easier with time

Day 4

Oh bloody hell! After paying all my bills and catching up yesterday I've had an unexpected £250 taken out of my bank - sometimes my bank takes money out straight away - then a week later refunds it to me then takes it back again the next day!? Does this happen to anyone else???? Basically I'm back to living on rations until my partners payday in 13 days! Luckily my eldest 2 kids are going on holiday with their dad for Easter and I always buy enough milk to last a month on payday for the baby - so the only ones to suffer are me and my partner. I need to lose weight anyway so it won't do us any harm (I hope!) I'm so P****d that I tried to do the right thing and it backfired - I have the exact same feeling today that I get after wasting money gambling then can't pay the bills! It honestly feels no different 🙁

I had super strong urges last night, I think because I spent so much in one day I wanted to try to win it back? Madness! I really had to talk myself out of it and I'm so glad I did.

It's not been a good day today - both kids home from school sick and I don't feel too clever myself either - it's taken me all day to clean and just relaxing now - I can honestly say I haven't thought about gambling at all today but now I'm starting to unwind for the evening I'm scared I will! I will be strong though

Hi bcfc girl,

Well done for staying strong and not using that money to gamble. Each day gamble free makes us stronger. Think of all the things you will be able to buy for the baby , you are doing great keep it up.

Paulds

Hi it's always difficult at first when you have money around, that you wouldn't have if you gambled it away.

Having money in the bank is a great feeling and usually puts people in a good carefree mood.

It's dangerous and a huge temptation though for a compulsive gambler.

Therefore that temptation needs removing ASAP, whether it's by paying debts immediately on receiving money or putting it out of harms reach, such as giving it and/or your cards to another person.

Willpower only last so long, even with the most determined people and other measures, such as blocks need to be made.