Day 1... Woke really early,first thought of the day should of been thank god it's all out in the open, within minutes of waking I was worried that I had rembered I had a card to get into husband bank , I went straight downstairs to the draw where it was and left it on the side so my husband would see it and take it away from me .
After a night of talking through every thing with husband , who put blocks in place so I can not go on computer he also had me transfer what money was left in my bank to his....which has taken the weight of my shoulders but not the guilt and shame away. I made a cuppa and guess what came into my head oh no I didn't claim my free spins on my last session REALY what the hell is wrong with me, this is a new start. I don't have to lie or cheat or pay Peter to pay Paul run up more credit cards or get any more loans. My husband was so understanding he was great he didn't judge me he said we would sort it out he said money could be replaced but he didnt want to see fear is what he said fear in my eyes ..... I was scared soo scared of telling him but I had done it , yet I am still thinking of stupid free spins ... Some how I have to stop my mind and these gremlins inside but at least I know I carnt gamble even if I wanted too I am and will get my life back
Hi cocopops,
Thanks for your post, and well done for writing into the forum. I hope that you continue to post to help you get gambling problem off your chest, and also to find help and support from fellow users, and most importantly from Gamcare.
You’re fortunate that you have an understanding husband, who is ready to support you in several ways to overcome this addiction. Like you said, he’s already taken control of your finances to prevent you from spending money that you can’t afford, and has put other strategies in place to keep you out from online gambling.
I will encourage you to take these opportunities that you’ve got now (from Gamcare and your husband), and work through your difficulties to achieve your aim. It’s doable, and you can do it, cocopops!
You just have to be patient with yourself, and take it one step at a time. The strategies work if you follow them through and through.
I suggest that you try and stay in touch with us so we can offer you more support in case you need it.
Stay safe, and keep posting!
Regards,
Beatrice
Well it's day 4 and I haven't gambled that's not to say I haven't thought about it .
its such a relief that I carnt get to money or get on the computer... I get these funny fealing at times like today driving home from work I had butterfly's in my tummy because I was thinking great get home get dinner sorted and have a little flutter but then I realise I carnt and the funny fealing is I only felt relief which is great because I feal happy I'm not in that web of deceit any more.
Day 5. Wensday morning is normally a time I would gamble but today I will be going into work knowing that I won't be worrying. Normally I would gamble more than I could afford and spend all afternoon kicking myself being grumpy and fealing like s**t. I do how ever feal slightly lost as I don't really no what to do with the free time I have.
Hi cocopops, the urges will decrease in time. Have you any old hobbies you can pick up again? I would still like to be able to play the slots again, I enjoyed it, but I know I cannot play because I cannot stop. Finding pleasure in other interests, and building friendships...it is a far better way forward. Best wishes.
Day 6 been thinking about why I took gamberling on line,
As long as I can rembered gamberling has been in my family. When I was a child mum and dad used to take us to the penny arcades which I loved . Also I rembered on Friday nights dad used to go to British legion we would be waiting for hours if dad came home with Chinese we new he had a win on fruit machine more often than not he came home emptied handed so I even felt the desapointment you get from gamberling at a young ages.
As I got older mum and dad use to go to a casino quiet a lot I was married and settled down the first time I went to casino with them but to be honest I really didn't enjoy putting my money in these machines.
Then many years later I had a couple of big win at the casino and I do believe that was my road to ruin.
One Christmas I brought my daughter a computer for Christmas , me and my husband join a few sites and had a couple wins but we never put a lot of money on as we didn't really have a great deal of money back then but some thing over the years changed my husband stop playing them saying that they were a waste of money and he would rather set his money alight.
My mum loved the bingo and fruit machines but I don't think she had a problem she enjoyed this and chose to go to bingo halls and casinos it's where she had fun especially after we had all moved out and got married and kids this was her time and dad and mum chose to spend there money doing what made them happy
Mum died of breast cancer about 10 years ago I nursed her through her illness. I think I gambled because I felt close to her I have a picture of mum in front room and I would often say out load come on mum give me some luck when online gamberling .
So there is a lot of emotions around this subject I serpose ,......my dad still goes to casino and plays on line but again he only does it for a little fun he prefers to spend his money on his coin collection and going to boot sales. My husband told my dad about my problems and the amount of money I've spent and he ask him not to talk about any wins he may have in the future just in case it temps me back into gamberling. Which I can not see happening but I have read many stories on here and no I will always be a compulsive gambler and I should never let my guard down ... I haven't spoke to my dad about any of this yet but I might do when the time is right . Well on a brighter note tomorrow I will be a week GF I am chuffed to bits I feal so different I don't feal like I'm living on egg shells and I've started to sleep better and I'm concentrating when at work so all positive things . Yay
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