Hi all
I am on day 1 of opening up and taking my first steps to recover from this awful life ruining addiction. I have never opened up to a soul so I am going to counselling when they get in touch (hopefully soon) and I'm going to give it my all!!
I have lost thousands over the past 12 years and that makes me feel so ashamed of myself. I have a loving family of which I don't want to lose and I know if I don't stop I will lose them.
I have lost 2 very close family members and I am angry with myself for the time and money I have wasted when we don't know whats around the corner and life could be cut very short.
I think these life disasters have triggered my addiction and it just propelled out of control. I also think everyday life has also had an effect ofe embedding myself into online gambling, slots and bingo are my weaknesses.
The biggest battle is when I get paid and there is money in my bank account, I could have a thousand in cash in my pocket and it would still be there a week later but if its in my bank account then I have the over whelming urge to gamble. I need to defeat this demon and change my thought pattern and do something so my thoughts are not on gambling when I get paid.
I am a happier person around my family on the days I don't gamble and I think about this alot to make it a motivator to stop but I just try to get a quick fix for the cash I've lost. I need to build my strength to beat this and I WILL reclaim it back whatever it takes!
I am ready to get back into control of my own mindset and I know there is a big battled a head of me but I am ready for this fight. It will not beat me!!!!
Here to a better life and a good future.
Good luck everyone
Hi fm
Just thought I'd pop by with a welcome, I take it that you mostly gamble online? If so have you looked at having a cash only bank card ? Their good because you can't use them on the online sites Barclays do one and so do a few others. Maybe look at some blocking software to . To name a few k9,Gamban,betfilter. All the best on your forth coming journey
Deano
Hi fm
Pay day was always my one biggest downfall, where, I, on several occasions, lost all of my hard earned money, only hours after it going into my bank account!! Initially, I used blockers, which completely stopped me from gambling. I too only gambled online. Now I choose to self exclude from all online sites and again, this prevents any further gambling - not that I want to right now thankfully.
Another thing I have always found useful and motivating, is the setting of some mini goals each payday, even it's only one. I felt that this gave me something else to focus on and writing them in my diary, for everyone to see, helped me want to fulfill them even more.
Hope this helps somewhat.
Wishing you they very best of luck.
Take care.
Our Lady
Thank you for the welcome Deano, yes my gambling is online only. I was trying to install k9 on my mobile lastnight but would not install for andriod. I only have access to my phone so makes it easier as only 1 to block. I will have a look at the others in a min as I have not heard of them ones. Thank you for your support I really appreciate it. I will keep putting updates on
Fm.
Hi Our Lady
Yes payday is like an enemy but I know its my mind that is the real enemy! I am looking into blockers now as I didnt realise how many there are. I have self excluded from the 1s I have registered with so the blocker will come in useful for any other gritter sites out there.
I have made sure I am in work on my payday as that is usually my day off so it will be the evening I have to battle with. I have set a standing order up so my money goes into my daughters account so I will have no access to. I just have to fight the feelings and the urge.
Thank you for the luck and I hope you are doing ok with your recovery.
A long battle ahead and I will do this!
Take care for now
Fm
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