Going to keep this thread now!

Just checking in.

Having posting apathy, as I don't have much to say re gambling.

Went to beach yesterday, and wanted to play on those soft toy grabbers. Hubby said wasn't a good idea, and I said he was probably right. I wasn't that bothered, so why take the risk?

For the first time in my adult life, I am in no debt ( apart from student loans, and mortgage ) and have a very small amount of savings. I am trying to get used to this way of life, as it is certainly less stressful!

Hi Freda,

Thanks for the post on my diary and for keeping my spirits up.

Sorry to hear about your annoying electrician some people are soooo self centred aren't they? Although I guess you are well over it now. It is nice sometimes to have a little rant, deal with the situation and then move on. It seems like you have done that with your recent annoyances.

Probably a good idea not to have a go on the grabbers. I had a situation recently with my OH wanting to do the lottery with me, I was tempted but hey who needs it, who needs the risk?

The bouts of apathy are only natural, it shows how far you have come, you know now what you are doing.

MASSIVE congratulations on your debt clearance. High fives in order!

Paulds

Hiya luvvy....big hugs.

Thanks for your recent support. You are a smart cookie! has anyone told you that before 🙂

Great news about the clearing of debts, you are doing so great. Hugs

Love Delx

Thanks Del,

I am just checking in again. Over 36 weeks free of gambling now. In the past, I was dying to get back to playing the lottery, just my occasional moment of escapism - but I am feeling like if it ain't broke don't fix it! I am happy to stay clear of all gambling for the time being.

I have not been bet free for this long for over 10 years.

I took the plunge with my special thing I had held off doing. I was umming and ahing over whether I could afford it, but I have decided that I would get my moneys worth many times over. So....I am now a Centrepoint room sponsor! £12 a month toward helping homeless young people get off the streets. A drop in the ocean to what I used to gamble.

Great freda...glad to hear you are in a good place ...am still reading and catching up even if i don't always write anything ....take care and hi fives to you xx Rach and Dotty

Over 36 weeks Freda.. thats fantastic!... like you say... who actually needs the lottery. Its just living on a dream that ain't gonna happen. Thanks for your support... you know me so well.. take care.. S.A 🙂

Thanks guys 🙂

Feeling pretty sorry for myself today. I was a bit anxious when I went out to meet a friend yesterday. I hadn't seen her for a while, and she is a relatively new friend, so we are not quite in that "comfy" place yet if you know what I mean. I am really low in confidence when it comes to socialising, so I guess I was just a bit nervous in general.

Anyway, I continued to feel a bit nervous throughout, but managed pretty well. I have told her about my anxiety problems, and she is very understanding, so I mentioned after a couple of hours that I was feeling a bit anxious and should probably get off. I had a sit down in the train station with my earphones in, to try and calm myself a little, and decided to go to the pub in the station. I had a mystery shop planned, but didn't know whether to go through with it as i was not feeling great. As the assignment was to buy an alcoholic drink, I reasoned that it might chill me out a bit before I got the tube home.

I just got worse though, and was very panicky as I went down to the platform. It was packed, and I started to full on panic. a local football match had just finished so it was noisy and leary, and 4 trains went past with no room for anyone to get on. I phoned my husband, cowering in the corner of the platform and just wept. I knew other people could hear me, but i was past caring. I finally got onto a rammed train, and panicked and shook the whole 30 minutes home. Because I was not able to get anywhere calm, it turned to really severe panic and it took me hours to calm down after hubby met me off the train.

It was really traumatic, and left me feeling emotionally really scared. I didn't sleep well, and still feel fearful and nervous, so I took the day off sick.

So that is me, today. I know it is unusual to have a panic attack in such a bad situation, and be alone, and be cold. It is a rarity that it gets that bad. I maybe only have a panic attack that bad once or twice a year, but I really was scared I wouldn't get myself home.

Hubby has a day off work today, so when he gets back from the shops we are going to have a cosy up together and he is going to look after me with lots of tlc.

Everything else in my life is ok at the moment, I just feel really traumatised and upset today. Today I am not in a good place.

Auck Freda luvvy.. that sounds like a nightmare situation.. any wonder you feel awful. I hope you are feeling a bit better now as I see you wrote this morning. Sending you big hugs....don't be in too much of a rush to get back to work, you need to look after yourself, health is your wealth and all that. Thinking about you...xoxo

Love Del

Hi Freda.. I hope your starting to feel a bit better in yourself. Although I do not experience panic attacks as you describe I find it takes me a while to calm myself when i get all worked up about something. Here's hoping you have a nice chilled out evening. take care... S.A 🙂

Thanks Del and SA

I am feeling a lot better than yesterday. I was planning to go to work this morning, got up, started getting ready and kept thinking "I'm still a bit wobbly, but I will be alright". After half an hour, I decided to phone in sick. I am really glad I did, as this was my gut instinct that I was trying to argue with!

I've had a great morning fannying about on the internet, drinking coffee and eating biscuits. As the day has gone on, I have noticed how ropey I still feel. Glad I am cosied up inside for one more day : )

Sorry to read about your panic attack the other day but glad to see that you are feeling a little better already.

It is fantastic that you have now been gamble free for over 37 weeks and you should feel so proud of what you have achieved in this respect.

Thanks for the advice about my friend--much appreciated.

Take care and carry on fannying about for the rest of the day!!

Hey f,

Sorry to hear about your panic attack but pleased your now feeling better.

Big congrats on 37 weeks thats fantastic going.

Thankyou for your post the other day,mum is back down tonight so another session of Reiki coming up.Always been a bit sceptical about it all not that id tell my mum that but im changing my mind felt quite light afterwards.

Hope your relaxing today.

Stay strong

E xx

Hiya Freda,

Glad things are on the up...take it easy girl..hugs

Del xo

Thanks Stumper, E, and Del!

I am much better n general, but have been very anxious today at work. I have been irritable with hubby too. I think it's partly hormonal, partly still waiting for my stress levels to subside.

I watched a documentary about compulsive gamblers last night on bbc - it was really excellent, I have to say. Even featured the Gamcare offices, and Mike!

It was pretty upsetting and stressful to watch though. To see all those lost souls in pain. One guy was living in a tunnel due to his gambling!

I am glad I am not part of that madness anymore.

Interesting to see that the government are to take a 20% cut of machine takings, and 5% of other gambling profits. Profit from the misery of others? don't mind if they do - s**m! I'm doing my angry face.

Hi Freda

I watched it too. Very painful to see and I relived some of the past torments. I thought the programme could have focused on gambling per se instead of just the host of the show.

Anyhow hope you find some better space to reside in for the foreseeable future.

Take care