Going to keep this thread now!

happy birthday to youooooo freda...xxxx

your right...why would you want to hurt yourself.

hugs

rache and doo xx

Thanks SA and Rach,

Well lord am I impressed with how well I have taken the news that my contract is not to be renewed. I have been doing my best to safeguard my health, and contain my anxiety as best I can.

Had to use my friend Valium at times, but is it any wonder?! I have lurched from one disaster to another relentlessly, for over a year now, and it has worn me down somewhat. The only thing that has remained stable and positive is my marriage and my recovery. I guess you can't have everything...

How easy I will find getting another job with around 70 days absence from work in the past year is not worth thinking about. I was rather hoping my employer would not dump me, and I could improve my attendance record before I moved on.

However, it is what it is. I am not even thinking about job hunting for at least a couple of months. We will not go hungry or homeless, and I just don't have the fight or confidence right now to pursue vacancies, let alone go through the new job stress yet again.

I am not entitled to sickness benefits because they are means tested now - and by means tested, I mean "are you below the poverty line? no? then tough" that seems to be the policy. I am not entitled to JSA either, because ironically I am a couple of weeks short on contributions in the relevant tax years - due to coming off the sick to try and cope with a job!!!!

You couldn't make it up. I am loathe to call myself British.

Hi Freda,

A huge well done on a yr gamble free, u should be soooo proud of urself 🙂

U r someone that really inspires me, no matter how tough things get in ur everyday life. U still remain strong and gamble free and u come out fighting. U r a very strong person Freda, I hope u enjoy a couple of months rest. Just remember ur health is and always will be more important than ne job or amount of money.

Keep being u xxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Charlotte hun xx

Have had a great day today! and thats not even sarcasm! lol

Walked to the beach with hubby, shared a fish and chips, had a nap when we got back, like an old lady ; ) oh and there was chocolate cake!

We walked past a big shiny arcade, and I briefly thought "wouldn't it be nice to lose myself for a couple of hours". But no. It wouldn't.

Thoughts like that still come in, even after 1 year, but they are much easier to bat away. I see it as a positive, because it reminds me that we are more vulnerable in difficult patches, and I will be darned sure to carry minimal money on me for the forseeable.

Hi Freda,

I year in gamble free! That deserves 52 high fives!

I have been catching up with your diary and it is clear you are having a bad time of it work wise. I am sorry to hear that, it is obviously tough for you dealing with everything at the mo' but you can do it!

To go one year gamble free is a huge huge achievement and it makes me think that one day I could do that too.

Not only that but the honesty with which you post is quite admirable, when you add in all your advice you have given to others, some absent friends, some who still remain. You really are stronger than you think.

Stay safe

Paulds

Of course a big well done from me . You know, what you said about walking through the arcade yet resisting reminded me of the first couple of years of recovery. You are so on your way f .

The job thing will sort itself out at some point. This benefits thing is becoming a joke. I have over 40 years of contributions and on Docs advice, I am not ready to work, yet we are means tested. I do get a bit of DLA so that is something. I guess, like me, you know ppl who have played the game for years. Frustrating. Anyway, enough of that.

Really enjoyed your company and you keep doing what you are doing f.

Graham xx

Wooo Hooooo you are a star lovely lady well done on your year,big hugs and make sure you eat all that choccy cake.

Youve come along way hun and your still fighting your alot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Well done you i raise a cup of tea to the next 52 weeks.

Stay Strong

E xx

Thanks guys,

the support is meaning a lot at the moment. Not that it doesn't usually, but, you know.

Really really so super proud of how strong I have been. Not to put myself down, but I genuinely didn't think I could cope this well.

Even though thinks are falling apart around my ears, I have a strange feeling that they are also falling into place, and the c**P that was pulling me down is falling away.

It is less emotionally raw, regarding my so-called best mate. I haven't heard a peep from her in over 5 weeks now. Not a true friend at all. I gave her the benefit of the doubt for so long, thinking maybe she doesn't realise etc. Having literally spelled it out to her last time I saw her, that I can't be there for anyone right now, but really need my friends there for me, she agreed and then apparently fell off the face of the earth. Good riddance.

We worked out our finances the other night, minus a penny in income for me, and it is not so scary. Its going to be tight, but not treat-free misery.

My marriage is strong, my recovery is strong, and that is enough for now.

Last bet 05/07/11.

Hey Hun

Thankyou for the support so great to see you growing in confidence its amazing what happens when you start standing up for yourself.

Zenor who........ hear our cry RRRROOOOAAARRRRRRR

Your so lucky to have your hubby standing firm by your side and hes lucky to have you.

Big Hugs

Stay Strong

E xx

Hi Freda!

Just want to come on here and congratulate you with being over a year gamble free.Brilliant achievement!

You should be really proud of yourself!

I really like your last post and especially this part you wrote says it all...........

"My marriage is strong, my recovery is strong, and that is enough for now"

Keep going strong Freda and enjoy your weekend!

Viggo.

Great work Freda, so chuffed for you!!!

take care and all the very best. ands xx

Hello Freda,

"My marriage is strong, my recovery is strong, and that is enough for now" .... 'enough for now'... Freda, if those are strong you have everything. Those are the foundations to the rest of your life.

Best wishes Jackie

AW thank you Libby, ands, Viggo and Jackie xxx

Just haven't much energy at the moment. Still being strong, but just in an under-the-duvet-watching-Rocky III-with-biscuits type of a way.

Had a bad day yesterday....panic attack in the waiting room of my GP's. They have a "quiet room" now, which proved very handy actually, so I could hyperventilate away from prying eyes. My doctor gave some more of my favourite magic beans ( Valium ), and was very sympathetic. Think she felt genuinely sorry for me, having such P**s poor luck.

Went to the next city with R for an hour today, and was glad to find I managed without any panic. Just feel knackered all the time. I think it is sinking in, that I am unemployed again, with s**t self confidence, and too poorly to cope with a job. I will get through this, and find a way to move forward in an upward direction...but for now, am just licking my wounds.

Hi Freda.. work isn't the be all and end all. Did you really want to be a lollipop lady anyway?? I remember you saying a long time ago that your husband doesn't care if you never work anyway.. and if you can manage financially, look to the positives.. you have a strong marriage you are not gambling and you are in a position to concentrate on yourself and keeping well and boosting your self-confidence in other ways.

My guess is that in the fullness of time you will try paid work again but something a bit different and less stressful. Take care.. S.A 🙂

hiya lovely

just seen you back on here...big hugs and time for you to take some time out and be looked after..

Remember always carrying a paper bag with me as my attacks used to manifest as breathing problems and it is scary..

Hopefully you can relax a bit today now and build yourself back up...

take care hun and sorry that your pal wasn't playing fair with you...you don't need that.

hugs and love

Rach and Doo xx