Going to keep this thread now!

Are there any volunteering opportunities down your way?

Just wondered if this would be a way to keep you occupied right now...

Have a good weekend.

NT

thanks guys.

Volunteering will be my next step probably, and have used it in the past to help rebuild my confidence. I am not well enough at the minute though.

This recent job loss has repeated a long standing pattern for me, and taps into some very painful feelings and fears about myself. I know other people probably have far worse problems than me, but I am done with the brave face. So what if anyone thinks I am being melodramatic or weak or negative or whatever, I feel like s**t at the moment and can't cope with much.

I have been going round in circles with anxiety and problems maintaining work for 12 years now. Starting to feel slightly frustrated.

Anyway, pj day today. Plan to do as little as possible.

Hi Freda.. I know the feeling of going round in circles in life. At least if the circle was a square, one could stop for a rest in the corners. I have no idea what am talking about today. Cheers for your support.. S.A

Hi Lovely Lady,

Sorry things havent been going well with the panic attacks and anxiety but not working may be a blessing in disguise, give you some time to get well again with out worrying about work.Im starting to think losing my private customers is a good thing i need the money but i need to take some time out for myself before i run myself into the ground which is no good for my boys.

Sorry your "friend" has been an a**e,its only when things go t**s up you find out who your true friends are.I know i did and it wasnt the ones i thought it would be.

Blankets,biccies and tea oh and some chocolate my fav sort of weekend.

Big hugs Hun.

L xx

Hi Freda, thank u 4 ur kind words and support on my diary. It means alot 🙂 xx

Sorry 2 read that u have been going thru a tough time, u really r stronger than u think. No matter wot u r faced with u still stay gamble free. U should be sooo proud of urself. U r an inspiration 🙂

Sorry 2 hear about ur friend, I saw this quote it's true really... pretty much sums things up 🙂

Sometimes we expect more from others, because we'd be willing 2 do much more 4 them, and as we grow older. We don't lose friends, we just learn who the real ones are!

U r a gr8 person Freda, stay strong xxxxxxxxx

Thanks SA, Libs and Charl xx

Do you know, regarding going round in circles....I feel that gradually, small changes are being made each time I repeat the patterns I seem to repeat....it's like although I am very much repeating cycles and patterns, I am adding changes here and there as I learn...so the circles are getting bigger, with positivity mixed in with the negative.

Since I closed the chapter with my most recent job, I have felt much happier overall. There has been worry and concern about money, but within myself I feel more free. It is lovely to not have to 'function' some days. I have been able to enjoy things again, like mooching around shops, reading, and hanging out with people without this kind of cloud hanging behind me. No pressure any more. I feel lighter, and like my personality is coming back.

I have been feeling pretty low and vulnerable these past few days, but it has been nice to just let that be, without having to push it to the background and put on a brave face.

It is good to be getting into my counselling too, and working through things. She seems very good, and astute at noticing connections and patterns and stuff, which is what it is all about.

Anyhoo, only fleeting gambling thoughts, as I walk past said establishments.

Last gambling 05/07/11.

Hi Freda... interesting to read your thoughts, especially after ive just written in my diary (that for me) its better being in work than not in work. All that you say about freedom and pressure relief, return of personality etc applies to me. I survive, exist and pay my bills. Its not all joyless but it is pretty relentless. Am happy for you if slightly jealous (if am honest) that you have the oppurtunity to just BE.

Well done on your continued success with the not gambling. Be on your guard when the weather gets warm and sunny. If i remember thats something of a trigger for you...seaside and all that. Cheers for now... S.A 🙂

When I walk past those evil gambling establishments I just think how awful my past was.

And the key word is 'past'.

The past is gone and we cannot do anything about it. What we can do plenty about is our present and our future.

You are doing just that which in turn is leading to the return of the real 'you' and your personality.

And that can only be a very good thing!

Enjoy your weekend.

NT

Hi Freda,

Just popping in 2 check u r ok 🙂

Stay strong 🙂

Have a gr8 day xxxxxxxx

Ah thanks Charlotte : )

I am going into myself a bit I think...don't feel like writing entries atm or commenting on others' threads. Everything feels like a huge effort!

However, I have still not gambled, and although my anxiety is still really limiting me, I am gradually improving I think. My counsellor pointed out that sometimes you feel a bit worse at first, because everything has come to the surface emotionally.

Anyway, just taking each day as it comes.

Hi Freda,

Hope you are feeling well today, I know what you mean about the circles. Sometimes it is difficult see our own progress, how can we measure it after all? Each day passes and is different from the next, there is no real constant that we can measure up against.

Sometimes i feel like I travel in a circle and in the beginning that circle was 95% pain, now in each circle there is pain and anxiety but less than before. Each circle gets bigger and the fog slowly lifts.

I don't really think that makes much sense!

Take this life at your own speed and gradually the world will adapt to you, read and post when you feel like it, you are the boss...

Most importantly take the very best of care of yourself,

signing off with a high five!

Paulds

It does make sense Paul! lol

I have come on the diaries today totally baffled as to what has been going on the last few days... dotty had been feeling she was blamed for making other people slip or something, but I've never read that anywhere. God only knows....

There are spats on here all the time lately, I think there are a lot of trollers at the minute as well that doesn't help.

Maybe I am going through a big change personality wise or something, but I can't be bothered with the forum at the minute.

I don't know what to say to people anymore, and don't have much to say myself. Maybe this is just what happens when gambling hasn't been part of your life for a while.

Anyway, last bet was 05/07/11, I trundle on.

Hi Freda!

Know how you feel when you don't have much to say...think we all get that way now and then about this place.Still its great to see someone like yourself who has been through so much come strong.So even if we don't have much to say its diaries like yours that pave the way for many a recovery!

All my best.

Viggo.

Thanks Viggo, you're a pet : )

No gambling, all quiet on the north east front.

Hi Freda, thank u 4 ur post 🙂

U r doing brilliant, I hope u r ok 🙂

Have a gr8 wknd xxxx