I cannot believe i have done this to myself

You sound like your pretty serious about abstaining from this vicious psychological trap so I wish you all the best.

PLEASE just be aware that in many many cases (including my own) people have cited that willpower alone is not usually enough to see you through long-term. Gambling is already entangled inside your head, inside your wiring. It will be there probably forever now. However noone can take that amount of clean time away from you and in all honesty I feel mega proud for you reading about how well youre doing + how you've reduced your debt... It inspires me.

I (and many others) have abstained for long periods, a year, maybe two, maybe more. Just when you think you're over it - it returns and lures you in again (often in my case it was a time after I had cleared my debt and was square again so watch out for that in the future mate). I hope this doesn't happen with you but the point I'm ultimately making is that there is a reason, a defect of character if you like - that drew you to gambling in the first place. If you work on that through GA meetings and support from family/friends (yes showing humility and telling them is all part of it) then you can engage in a recovery path which is much like solid armour that protects you from gambling and it's clutches from here on in. It constantly needs topping up and polishing if you like. It is a tried and tested methods and has worked for many others.

Let's hope gambling doesn't get you again but if it does... Please consider the above. Please don't forget this message... and by that I mean 1, 2 or 3 years later if gambling gets you again. Let's hope it doesn't eh ;o)

I mean to be fair you're doing pretty great without intervention but just remember it's always there for you if you have nowhere to turn one day and need something more.

Keep up the fight man. You're smashing it!

Ps fair play for not gambling at the casino... Good for you. Maybe just try and forget the night there now so the bright lights don't try and sneak back in your thinking ;o)

Signalman; my apologies i've just read your comment. Thanks for taking the time to give me guidance and encouragment.
Two days ago I passed my 500 days mark. I am 502 days GF free now.
I the last 500 days, my life changed to the better. It has not been easy and its been exhausting.However my debt is more than halfed from £18250 to 8900. So i feel proud of this and i can see light at the end of the tunnel.
So I can say 2018 has been great year for me and i am looking forward to clear all my debt in 2019.
Keep up the hardwork everyone and i wish you great time in the festive season.
All praise to God the most mercifull.

Wow. You should be so proud. An inspiration to us all. Nice one

After 594 of GF , i cannot believe the strong urge i had today.. really weird. The good news it was just an urge and no action..

Congratulations on 594 gf days, now that is something to aspire to. I hope further down the lie I can be saying the same thing. Good luck on your continued journey.

Bex

Adamjamal2014-2017 wrote: After 594 of GF , i cannot believe the strong urge i had today.. really weird. The good news it was just an urge and no action..

Glad you didnt act. Just watch out for that trap when a debt is shrinking and on the way out - the mind may try and trick you to bet your way out the rest of it to speed things up... Dont do it! That trap has caught me many a time.

You may end up back at square 1. How heartbreaking would that be. Betting is out your life now so just keep it that way. Keep up the fight. And remember there is only one way to pay the debt off and that is to pay the debt off. No shortcuts.

Well done Adam on nearly 600 days GF - that is a fantastic achievement.

Really pleased to hear you ignored the urge of a few days ago. I think we need to accept that gambling leaves a wicked poison in our mind that will try and rise to the surface occasionally, often when we least expect it. Fortunately you had the strength of character to ignore it and see it for just a passing thought rather than anything physical you should act on.

I am a long way behind you but hearing that you still got an urge after all this time has really helped remind me that this is a life long issue that we need to remain vigilent against. I got to over 300 days but got complacent - am determined I won't let that happen again.

All the best

Muststop123

Muststop123 wrote:

I am a long way behind you but hearing that you still got an urge after all this time has really helped remind me that this is a life long issue that we need to remain vigilent against. I got to over 300 days but got complacent - am determined I won't let that happen again.

Powerful words indeed. Spot on and something I certainly needed to hear today, thank you.

I know the confrontation and acceptance of a lifelong problem doesn't sit well with some people, I know there are those who want rid of their addiction and when it is dormant they are happy to say it's dead, it's gone, I have exorcised my demons. However to me life has twists and turns, such that brought me to my knees as a result of addiction, twists and turns that left me feeling like I had no way out apart from indulging my addiction.

Life will continue to twist and turn and who knows if it will twist in the same way later on, and the residual effect of addiction can come calling again. Staying one step ahead is so important, using clean time to engage in a process of self-discovery goes hand in hand with that (what's caused me to gamble, what factors may cause me to feel that way again in the future, what can I do to remedy those feelings if/when they come for me). So glad you managed to override the urge Adam. I guess that is evidence that you are doing the right things in your recovery and using your clean time wisely rather than just racking it up for the sake of it. Great you keep posting as well. Great to see you looking after yourself when urges come ie seeking support from others.

Acceptance of a lifelong issue is overarching. I believe life can be brilliant once humility is employed and acceptance of the hand I've been dealt is fully acknowledged. Like everyone else on here I don't want to keep returning here and starting diary after diary. Some people do and my heart goes out to them. Addiction cannot be destroyed but it certainly can be managed in my book.

Anyway nice perspective Muststop, thanks.

On Tuesday 1st of august 2019 i reached 2 years gambling free. I have moved on in life and alot has happened ( good and bad ).

The point I want to make is the scar that gambling has left has not heeled yet, maybe because i am still in debt ( 7k rather than 18K 2 years ago )

Hopefully, when debt is paid the pain will go away and it will just be a bad memory and a lesson learnt.