I HATE MYSELF

Hi there ☺

Another sleep and double digits in the bag! Awesome to see your determination. It's good to look for things to occupy ourselves with, they helps our minds to get distracted if dreaded urge is close by.
I took running up when i started recovery 3 years ago..still keep it up but not so much (age that is 😉 ) but i find that if you keep doing something ...even walk in the park, vollunteering or experimental cooking (it can be fun too!) can perfectly replace the lonely/ boring time.
I also had two sets of counselling..learned a lot about my behaviour..can be painful but needs must and we need to know why we are what we are 🙂

You're doing well, never stop searching for the working ways for your recovery..you're worth it, your lovely kids worth it and everyone around you are worth to see you for who who are. Free soul with a smile on her face!

Keep claiming your life back and never ever give up!
One day at a time

S x

My mind is working overtime today .. trying to catch up with the bills ..I'm behind on everything and the letters a dropping through the door thick and fast .. It's time to stop Gambling ..face my problems and deal with them one by one ... the list is long ... I sooo want to forget about all things I have to do and file them in the back of my mind or in the drawer along with a huge pile of unopened letters ... I am trying today, it's not a good feeling it's the feeling I get when I don't know what to do ...I'm itching to play a few slots to free me for a little while from my thoughts ... I'm pretty sure If I give in I will feel so much worse .
Still finding this hard but staying strong ..

Hey. ..don't beat yourself up...and don't run to the slots...that will potentiality make it all loads wirse...I dealt with one problem a day...just an idea ...worked for me....stay strong..x

lesley6loc wrote: My mind is working overtime today .. trying to catch up with the bills ..I'm behind on everything and the letters a dropping through the door thick and fast .. It's time to stop Gambling ..face my problems and deal with them one by one ... the list is long ... I sooo want to forget about all things I have to do and file them in the back of my mind or in the drawer along with a huge pile of unopened letters ... I am trying today, it's not a good feeling it's the feeling I get when I don't know what to do ...I'm itching to play a few slots to free me for a little while from my thoughts ... I'm pretty sure If I give in I will feel so much worse . Still finding this hard but staying strong ..

Many of us do find it hard Lesley. You are not alone in this. Take a pew and accept the help. Tri

One more sleep and I'll be two weeks gamble free ...WOW
pay day is looming I have plans for my money .. They don't involve gambling ..
Like all best laid plans things can go wrong hopefully I won't let them ..
one step closer
L.M

Finding as the days go by the less I want to skip up ..If paid my first payment toward holiday .. it felt good .. money normally I would have waisted ..my mood is up and I'm beginning to sleep a little better .
19 days and still feeling quite positive that I can beat this .

Hey L.M

19 days is nothing to forget. Look for the positives of whats helping you and keep doing it. Tri

Finding as the gamble free days go by, the less I want to slip up ..I have paid my first payment towarda our holiday this weekend.. it felt good .. money normally I would have waisted ..my mood is up and I'm beginning to sleep a little better .
19 days and still feeling quite positive that I can beat this .
I did not gamble today
staying positive for tommorow

You are not worthless, yes you are a liar but that is a product of the Gambling adiction I actually think a lie starts slipping out much quicker than the truth because the truth is harsh and hurts but really by ignoring it we are just hurting ourselves,I too have massive guilt when I look at my kids we rent but with all the money I've wasted we could have bought and they could of have had their own rooms.i used to spend 100,'s like you in ten minutes but my kids ask for a branded cereal and I say no!as I can't afford it,it makes us crazy!i dont think it's about the winning it's just the buzz of spinning the wheel.when we aren't doing it it consumes our every thought.you just need to get through each day and distract your brain when you are a mum you feel like you "deserve time out which gives us permission to gamble.set your sights on something else a new goal exercise,saving for a holiday I believe in you we can do this today is day 15 for me and even though the financial mess I've got myself into will be around for a long time and a reminder of the illness I feel much better I'm. A better mum a better person I still have guilt but each day gets better I hope this helps xxx

Hi DM
Thanks for your post .. The money has gone I can't do anything about it now .. The guilt will remain for a long time ..I had to sell my home a few years after my ex partner left, he had debts that needed paying .. ironically id never missed a mortgage payment ..I'm now in rented accommodation and no longer feel any sense of security ..I think that's one of reasons I have to stop gambling . I tried to tell myself my kids never do without but I know that they do . My oldest son is 16 and my youngest only 5 , they need there mum back. Iv booked us all a holiday for next year and am paying it off in installments which I would normally have gambled away I'm feeling a lot happier , I thinks it's because this time I know I can beat this file addiction . I'm also feeling quite angry and realise now I'm never going to win against these companies who pray on people who are week and often vulnerable it's a trap that once your in its hard to escape .
The gaming commission should enforce stricter guidelines for people who wish to exclude theirselves ,for example I recieve offers via text and emails from companies which I'm excluded from , who knows one day if I'm feeling low or down I might give in to temptation because of one of these offers . This just makes me hate these online companies even more, they want suck you in and take your money at any cost . Hopefully they are not going to be getting any of mine ever again.
I don't know about you but I'm finding it difficult to find something to replace the buzz of winning , nothing comes close I hope I can get enjoyment from the things I used to do before I gambled .
Your post did help it's good to know other people like me are beating this .. I found reading the posts from people who live with gamblers a great help. Just to see myself from someone else's point of veiw was quite an eye opener .
Hope you stay strong and well done 15 days gamble free .Will you let me know when you get to day 50 .. that's my mini target and nearly 2 months of money not spent on gambling.. for me it's £700 money saved ..
It would be nice to see you make it too xx
L.M

Money worries are at the forefront of my mind and with nothing else to occupy my thoughts the urge to gamble has been with me since I awoke .. I'm dealing with my debt the best I can but the panic of not really knowing how much of a mess I'm In is worrying me. I'm spending tomorrow looking at bank statements and credit cards im going to open all the red letters in the drawer and endeavour to sort things out .. On the plus side I'm working all day so I won't have much time to think about the dreaded final demands xx

Still havnt gambled
It's a good feeling x

Today I feel pretty rubbish ..still trying to sort out the bills ..one after the other .. I just recieved a letter for last month's bank charges nearly £100.00 . I'm behind on my rent ..council tax , water ect .. and its my little boys birthday is in two weeks .. Arrrgggg came on here because I'm struggling today ..I'm feeling worried about the mess if made the more I try tackle the mess the more I want to gamble . Moan over ...on the plus side of found a ВЈ 5
didn't gamble yesterday
on here now fighting the urge think I may pop to shop to buy a galaxy with my find ..mmm might even splash out n have some beefy walkers
sometimes only chocolate and crisps will do
going to be size of double decker bus if I manage to get to day 50

Hey. ..I remember those early days love...it's hard...so hard...but look at what you've already saved from not gambling....I know what you mean about those letters. .. I had the same pile....for me...I took a deep breath...dealt with one a day....rang the company....told them the truth...told them what I could afford to pay ( don't stretch yourself )....took some agreeing... but said that's all I can do....I will pay you...small amount over longer time....now I'm in control...ok...so will take a while but that's life....my addiction took few years to get me in the mess....so will take time to get out ! but least I'm at peace....and with no more need to do the
Peter to pauling routine it's just another saftey net to keep me from falling back to the slots....deal with the letters hun...beleive me it feels great....and will help you move on....good luck x

I'm worried as payday is next week .. this will be the first month in a long long time that I havnt spent my wages, before they even reach the bank ..I really need to be good this week ...
I have been clearing the house all week and am doing a carboot sale this Sunday , I'm hoping to by a patio set with the proceeds. Im trying to keep as busy as possible the house has never been so tidy lol
The kids have been a little more fun and I'm beginning to enjoy more time with them now my time isn't devoted to my laptop ,phone , i pad ect.. Who knew remote control cars could be so much fun .We have just had a DVD marathon we all watched each others choice of film , deadpool was ace .. not sure about my daughter's choice of vampire diaries but how cool is staying alive made me want to get up and dance ( kids were not impressed) ..
Well to what was a great friday n gamble free to boot ..
xx

Hey there & look how positive you sound now ☺
Very steady little steps Lesley, the life will keep improving and sensations you was surpressing for a long time will start surfacing back up!
Watching movies with your kids and having a laugh is life! ☺ & on top of this - you can enjoy your sparkly house too..

You can do it. Please keep holding of these feelings, recovery will gift you your life back & that is priceless...you cannot put price tag on true feelings and amazing memories created..

Keep on keeping on, you're doing really great!

Take care and stay safe

S x