I HATE MYSELF

Nice post Leslie. ...just take it steady love....spending quality time with the kids is invaluable and like you id neglected the housework whilst glued to my laptop. ...it will get easier as each day passes. ..keep that triangle broken and barriers high....xx

I'm determined to beat this no matter how embarrassed, I am telling people why I'm in such a financial mess . The red letters are getting sorted one by one , slowly I can now see things might just turn out ok . In the back of my mind though there is this little voice telling me I will mess up and ruin it all . It sounds silly but without all the worry that comes along with gambling I am at a loss as what to do next . I have so much free time and havnt yet found something to occupy myself during my new found freedom . I'm sleepy and sluggish yet cannot sleep I am having weird dreams dunno why . Wondering if this happens to anyone else .

I havnt gambled for 25 days
I won't gamble tommorow

Hey love...I can remember all those feelings...so tired...yet struggled to sleep....feeling lethargic and lost....scared that I would return to playing....I think it's all perfectly normal my love....and a phase that has to be worked through....and yes to suddenly have all that free time....
The addiction does strange things to you honey....now you have to find ways to deal with all these things.....i dont think theres right or wrong ways....just what works for you.....thats why is so important to have the triangke broken and blocks in place....it gives you a saftey net ....time to think things through if the urges strike.....your doing great love....keep plodding on one day at a time...it does get easier. ...xx

Yup, happened to me & took a short course of anti-depressants & a salt lamp (I swear it was this that did the trick but people already think I'm nuts so I'm not gonna push the issue) to break my cycle! I really didn't know what to do with myself when I 1st stopped gambling hence 5 millions posts a day on here & now I can't figure out how I always found the time to! I purchased a colouring book when I 1st needed to kill time & find it quite a therapeutic exercise now...May help!

Also, a bit of counselling may help that nagging voice in the back of your mind...I don't know whether it will silent it but it should give you some coping tools to accept that you deserve to be happy - ODAAT

How's it going Leslie...x

Loxxie wrote: How's it going Leslie...x

Hi loxxie
Everything is still going well , blockers are working , councilling is proving to be a great help .. made it to say 33 that's the longest I have managed stay gamble free but the more I remain gamble free the more I am determined to beat this addiction ..
Had a full wage this month so spent very unwisely ..splashed out on shopping trip with my daughter n treated my oldest son . My youngest son's birthday is on Friday,this year it will be a good one I have made sure of it . Usually I dread birthdays , Christmas ect ..but I'm looking forward to it . Iv had him a tree house built and have been keeping him out of the garden for a week I can't wait to see his face .. I have blown this month's wage but it feels good this time as it was on something worth it ..
xx

Day 34
A slip up now will put me back at square one so I am over thinking things at the minute . I am so anxious about gambling again that it's like I want to do it to stop me feeling so anxious ... I still get the feeling that I can just spend a few quid and quit when I know feel down I can't .. i have decided not to bother finding out and asking myself now if I really want to know ..The mind is a strange, strange thing I tell myself every morning not to touch the buiscuits in the cupboard by lunch iv had them all .. solution dont buy buiscuits. . keep the blocks in place 34 days does not mean your cured

I understand that's quite common, one of Mr Gamble's many techniques for getting you to feed him. One day at a time, if you don't gamble today, that's achievement enough for today. Tomorrow you can deal with tomorrow.

GA have a lot of literature that addresses these sort of thoughts, including their "Just for today..."

Hope it passes.

CW

Keep on trucking Lesley!
One day at a time, let the world evolve around you and accept little things on the way.

Those little miracles are the most important to be seen/had.

You're doing great, be very proud of yourself ☺

Take care of yourself and stay safe.
Keep posting and sharing

S x

Day 36 ..
Mixed feelings today ..it's early and yesterday I had a party for my son's 6th birthday i invited family and his friends but things got a little hectic and didnt really go to plan ,my son enjoyed it , but i found it very stressful. This morning i want to gamble I want to more than anything .. I have ended up here writing my post .
The effort I put in yesterday and the outcome of what was supposed to be , has left me feeling a little let down ..I'm tired and feel fed up today i need to snap out of it n shake this feeling off soon. My mixed mood spells a recipe for disaster .

Lesley

You had a bad stressful day but you coped with it all and you made sure everyone had a good time so be proud that you did that for everyone - keep reminding yourself of that. You have chosen to come on here instead of gambling so keep on doing that each time and hopefully that will help. That is half the battle - learning to cope with stress.

Good luck.

Learning to cope with stress when your coping mechanism was to zone out and play the slots is probably the most difficult obstacle, I need to find a new way of coping with my troubles ..I'm working on different techniques with a councillor at the moment but I'm affraid facing my problems head on is too much all at once and perhaps quite upsetting ,but I'm on it ...
I have managed to resist dispite a few really crappy days here's to making the next few days a lot less crappy xx

Just checking in ...I have a busy day today so hopfully I will not have time to want to gamble . I am still having weird dreams yesterday dreamt that I was hiding my ex partners canabis in my pocket and was scared that he might find it .. lol
I havnt seen him in 10 years and he is deffinatly not the sort to smoke anything ..so who knows what that was all about .
I'm still very restless and tired but I'm not gambling x

The dream is about keeping other peoples secrets i would guess.

Hi love..
Just caught up with your diary. ..you've had a busy time...I remember the times when stress sent me to the slots !
Few weeks into my journey any difficult situation would make me want to reach for the comfort of them again....I can remember telling myself..." no...you don't do that anymore " !
And would go to something constructive...clean a window..iron a shirt. ..anything till the moment passed...and it did...
Now...several months later stress situations don't trigger the urge....it's very very rare a thought even pops into my head....and if it does I can chuckle to myself and tell the thought to bog off !
Your doing so well. ...and I'm hoping your strength grows x