It's now or never!... 13th May 2018

Day 88

Creeping ever closer to that milestone that looked so far away at the very beginning of this journey.

Not much to report today. I went out for a long walk this afternoon to get myself out of the house.

Trying really hard to get myself into shape. I’m by no means overweight, but I’d like to tone myself up a bit and get some definition to my body.

No major gambling urges since the weekend. If so much as thought comes fleeting into my head, I quickly remind myself of those dark times when I would hopelessly squander hundreds of pounds in a night and then wonder how I would ever manage if I had to contend with an expensive car bill etc.

No. Thank. You! 🙂

90 days free of gambling.

There have been rocky times during the journey, particularly at the beginning. But, with the help of my girlfriend and a strong resolve, I’ve made it to 90 days.

We go on...

I hope the (previous) sports betters (in particular with the football) were able to stay strong and resist the temptation to place any bets today.

Remember, the enjoyment and excitement of placing a bet is SOON followed by misery and discontent as we squander pound after pound after pound chasing our inevitable losses. It simply isn’t worth it.

Enjoy the football for what it is and enjoy being a guaranteed winner every day you don’t gamble 🙂

I am really proud of you Dan. You have shown a lot of character in completing the first 90 days of your journey.

Stay strong and keep going forward. Whatever ups and downs you encounter can be handled far better without gambling throwing a spanner in the works.

This really does represent a new stage in your life. You are behaving with maturity and have accepted responsibilities. You come across as a man of integrity who wants to do the right thing for himself and those he cares for.

Well done Dan. Great to see you keeping super strong and driving towards treble figures.

Keep up the great work fella!!

Hi Dan

Well done in nearing your milestone. In answer to your question about why I would go into the bookies for a free cup of tea, well, subconsciously I think I wanted to be there to have a flutter.

A lesson learned, hopefully!

Shaun

Well done Dan - you are obviously in a very different and better place now than 91 days ago! You are really smashing it!

Day 93

About to go out to meet a friend for lunch. Something which would have been a massive deal during my gambling days, as I’d have considered that money wasted or money that would have gone towards gambling. I wouldn’t have enjoyed the experience as I’d have felt as though I couldn't afford it

I was also sorting out my car insurance this morning and I was debating whether or not to pay off the full year or, like I have done in previous years, pay monthly.

This wouldn’t have even been up for debate 93 days ago, but having saved a considerable amount of money through not gambling, it gives me the option to pay it off straight away and still be relatively comfortable.

I’ve said it before, but it’s amazing just how much we can waste gambling.

I’m just very lucky that I caught hold of my addiction before Debts/loans became a part of my life.

Feeling positive today. I’ve been quite down in the past few days for reasons that I can’t really explain.

Day 97

I had such a lovely day in Derby yesterday. I took my mum out shopping for her birthday and then for something to eat afterwards. What made it so nice was because the last two times I visited Derby, they both came fresh after big gambling losses. So I’d started to associate the place with sadness and regret. Not this time.

I was able to really enjoy the day.

Yesterday meant a lot to me from a personal perspective. In some ways, it allowed me to correct some wrongs from the past. I did yesterday what I should have done a long time ago when visiting.

Today I’ll be going to watch my local side play. It’s been nice to go to games this season not glued to my phone checking on other results rather than concentrating on watching my own team. Last season I may as well have not been at the games. Not this season though.

Feeling quite proud of the fact that I’ve almost managed to go the whole of the summer season without gambling. Something I never thought I could manage and something that seemed such a long way off a few months ago.

It’s been nice to go back through my diary and remember how I was feeling at certain points. On Day 1 I was at such a low point at work. Sat outside during a break, just staring into the distance, just hoping to make it through to bed time without gambling.

Again, I couldn’t have done this without the help of my amazing girlfriend. I would urge anyone to tell at least one person during your recovery. I know it’s very difficult sometimes and I struggled for a couple of years before finally accepting that my girlfriend needed to know. But it makes the world of difference, believe me. A massive weight off my shoulder to have the help and support she has given me.

I would also like to thank the people on here, particularly those who have contributed to my diary. You’ve given me such fantastic support and encouragement throughout these last few months which has given me the hope and belief that I can achieve a life of being gamble free.

(Sorry for the long drawn out post...)

Thanks again, Dan x

Many thanks Dan for posting on my diary.

Great to see you approaching the century club and it is good that you enjoying the gamble free life. I feel sad for friends who abstain for long periods but still want to gamble as it must make their recovery a lot more difficult.

I was thinking earlier how the diaries introduce us to fellow compulsive gamblers with whom we would otherwise have nothing in common. We come from all over the world and are completely different but we share a common desire to overcome our gambling addiction. I believe it teaches me tolerance, understanding and acceptance of other peoples way of looking at things.

100 days gamble free!

I’ve managed to achieve something that I’ve seen many others achieve on here and I wished that one day, it could be me.

Truth be told, not really believing that it could ever actually happen.

But something about this particular journey felt different. This time it felt real. Mainly because I finally let my big secret out of the bag and let myself get some encouragement and support, rather than soley relying on willpower and research.

Now, I see a few people on here who have achieved a whole year without gambling. I want to be one of those people.

This is a life time journey.

The urges are still there. Mainly sports betting. Thankfully, I have no urges whatsoever to play on any casino games - roulette/blackjack etc. The very thought of those games scare me to death now, if I’m honest. It’s those that have put me in some very dark places over the last 5-10 years. I don’t want to return back to those days.

I do still miss my small (what I thought were ‘harmless’) weekend football coupons. But I’ve come to accept that they inevitably just lead to bigger and more harmful gambling. So I have to cut all forms of gambling out. It’s as simple as that. I’ve come to terms with that now and I’m moving on with my life.

I’m finding new ways to occupy my mind during free time. I’ve also been able to spend AND save money which still feels like a novelty.

Life feels good at the moment. I’m feeling in a happy and tranquile place which is all I ever asked for 🙂

Day 102

Nothing much to report on an overcast, Summer’s day.

Planning a day out tomorrow with my mum. Not sure where we’ll go yet but I’ll find somewhere.

Every day I wake up I am thankful that I’m gamble free and on the road to freedom rather than destruction.

Read an interesting article on the BBC about a promising young footballer who’s career was marred by gambling. He couldn’t concentrate on his football because his thoughts were dominated by gambling on a daily basis. He would rush away after training to hit the bookies, he even sneaked into the toilets at half time to bet on his own team to lose. It took him to some very dark places. Thankfully, he’s not had a bet for over 3 years now.

Day 104

A nice night out with my mate last night, going for a meal and then to watch The Festival at the cinema.

These sort of nights in the past would have been ruined by hours of gambling beforehand, leaving me flat as a pancake and unable to enjoy the night properly. My mind would have been all over the place, contemplating ‘why I did what I did’ and ‘how am I going to get by’. These days I feel like I’m ‘in the room’, so to speak. I can have so much fun, genuinely listen to conversations and come away from the end of the night having had a fun night.

Day 106

A productive bank holiday weekend, in that I ran 5km yesterday in around 25 minutes and ran 8km today in 45 minutes. I’m getting myself back on the fitness trail. Just about to go and have my chicken and salad tea with grapes.

I’m channeling all my energy into getting into shape. Six pack, the lot.

Gambling has been nowhere near my train of thought this weekend.

Glad you've had a great weekend!

Keep up the good work 🙂

Dx