My Diary of Shame

Hi, thanks for dropping by my diary/rantings! It is really weird that we have strange beliefs or rituals when it comes to gambling. If I drove under a bridge and a train went overhead I would rush home to throw good money at my bad habit as I thought it was a lucky sign...unbelievably deluded, but that's the nature of the beast! It's great having a clear head now.

Thanks for all the advice and support you give on the forum. Over the past couple of weeks I have had a read of tons of diaries and have seen your name on them all, that is just fantastic. xx

Hi ODAAT ,Just noticed nothing on your page since 24th of last month , so I thought I'd better pop by and enquire as to your well being ? Or were you planning a big one [ post that is ] on xmas eve ?.

Seriously though , I see you posting on the pages of other's, mine included and as always am greatfull for your input , but sometimes it can be about you as well ?.

I hope everything's going well in your life and will catch up with you later !

Tarrar for now chuck !

PoP !

ODAAT wrote:

Time for an update methinks...I've been on GC since I woke up, I'm using my day off wisely right? Maybe but the truth is I'm now sat in the Tesco car park cowering in the car waiting for Mr Gamble to get the hell out of the passenger seat! I'm a bit tired & the age old fear of spending money slipped into my mind as I drove out to the shops earlier, I'm also nursing a couple of injuries (that ankle I turned over a month ago is not better & my shoulders can't decide which one has the injury) so all in all when I heard about £30 not hurting I found myself agreeing! I know it will & I have absolutely no intention of going back to my poison but a few lottery tickets wouldn't hurt right? w*f?!?

Probs not the best place to have pulled into given that I can probably see the kiosk from here if I crane my neck but then again when it comes to gambling, I never really did have my wits about me! I have a dog to walk & swimming club to attend, for that is my life now, filled with stuff that normal people do 🙂 & on that notes, thanks for listening guys, "Get lost you!" I'm going home!

WOW!!! What a story! Iv loved reading your journey even if it is 12.40 at night and I have to be up early with the kids for school! But story's like yours keep me going and keep me hoping I can make it as far as you! I'm on day 7.... keep strong

Hmmm..that was some uplifting entries i read on ur thread ( tread) but yup, somehow i decided to look bk. Good - successful and feel like i can post a word or two! 🙂

Card, - i don't really use it. Only for my nasty affairs as it looks like but hey, i need it for emergencies now ( no one but me to blame).
GA...hmm..in my town there are probably about 5 pll living and 3 of them needs to seek the same help. All from my work! How many times i have to tell them to hide their phones while working, else i will get mine and tk pics as evidence :-(....f**** I'm just as bad as them and guess would of sit on those chairs holding the hands together...nothing less i could fancy if I'm honest...maybe need to broaden my horizon for such recovery move.

Anyway, ya walked some path with me recently and for that I'm enirely greatful. Keep on winning Sesuo and keep kicking Mr G where it hurts!

Coo coo

Hi Odaat,

Thanks very much for posting on my diary. Your support really is appreciated. I hope that all is well and that you have a great weekend.

Best wishes

Dave

"Did I get 2 trains indeed " No call for that now was there ? . If your that harsh with your new fella you might want to start with the compliments ASAP , coz your running out of time ! LOL

P.s Unless your working toward next xmas ?

After all the biscuits and galaxys there's plenty to chew on!

You're right, of course, nothing to lose and possibly lots to gain. It's a definite possibility for the new year....but if there's no tea and biscuits I'm not going back 🙂

LB x

Bahhhh!!! How very dare you to accuse me of distracting ya 😛
You have a choice to talk or not!! 😀

Multitasking is awesome! And no...ya not pinching my octopus line...you are far off there yet crazy :-))))))

Be good, stay safe and keep up the faith! (It rhymes!)

#loveit

Lol, you do make me laugh. i dont think your a fraud, & a good GA room will never beat someone up for having an opinion. GA tells people take what you want from the program & leave the rest, if you find what you have taken isnt enough please feel free to take some more. It also has to take what it has found to work best for the majority. Im sure some can go back to controlled gambling(regressive) but for most it is not a good idea, so it has to draw its line in the sand somewhere. Recovery takes different paths for different folks & all GA is doing is saying look, we have been doing this a long time & this is what we have experienced works best for folk. See you Monday & dont worry, its a friendly loving place

Many thanks for popping in on my diary. We are all well, thanks.

Totally sympathise with those old 'o*g' withdrawal feelings, it just cuts to the quick when I see my own.

I hover here most weeks, v nice to see someone asking about me, I read but rarely post.

I am still gamble-free, a few, low-level temptations but have managed so far. Nearly 17 months!

Thanks again,

Mm

Great to meet you tonight Kelly, hope you got home safely and you enjoyed your time with us. x

​

Nice to know your still watching over your old Pop's ! , and I get to do my Oscar acceptance speech tomrorow , Yeaaah !

Hi Kelly , just wanted to say thank's for reminding your old pop ! about his hundreth birthday , you know how forgetfull I can be at times ?.

Have a great gamble free day ! x

Well Mrs D, here comes a well overdue (according to Pops) update & I'm not quite sure how it's gonna pan out since I've just taken myself off to bed @ 1618...

Today is a down day BUT, no thoughts of gambling so, this early in my recovery, that means it's still a good day 🙂 I'm not being funny but how many other people in the world would understand that mentality & yet I'm sure you all know where I'm coming from!

I've had a troublesome few weeks @ work & tomorrow is day one of 15 out of the next 16 with the 0530 train to kick it off! I don't like the time (I like the Christmas timetable even less as for the rest of the early starts, I need to be on the 0454) but I don't mind the early trains, generally the dribbling messes (me) have washed in soap before leaving the house rather than in beer & Burger King! I have not been stressing about it until today either so that really is work in progress 🙂

So, Monday saw me enter a GA room for the 1st time! I'm not worried about my recovery per se but I'm a little concerned about the lack of urges & that this may be the honeymoon period, plus, I keep suggesting it so only fair I know what it's about! I didn't realise it @ the time but the 1st words out of my mouth were a big fat lie 🙁 I said no bet since last August (can never remember if the 2nd was my day of reckoning or my 1st day of recovery) when I actually meant no fruit machines & I still feel very bad! I have since weighed up the value of continuing in the manner that I was (lottery) & for the sake of a bit of normality, I am going to carry on regardless, although I may have to re-evaluate this down the line!

I arrived well early, took in the sights of my old haunts as I wandered through the town killing time, peering into them as I am prone to do & felt aghast that I had ever ventured inside! Then I got some chips & curry sauce from next door which is almost reason enough for the 2 hour drive each way! Outside the centre were men huddled into their hoods, smoking, there were dishevelled youths riding through the Town on bikes, crowds of kids outside MacDonalds, it all felt a little daunting to say the least, thank goodness I knew someone inside! I even tried a couple of hello's as I got inside but the men all scuttled by avoiding eye contact even & yet once inside it was like a cloak of magic had descended...All the scary faces became human & had voices! From the broken man in the corner to people still attending after years being gamble free, it was like the forum coming to life & I came away feeling like I'd had a great evening out with friends & not been subjected to work talk once 🙂

I intended to find the words to do it justice but I really don't have the vocabulary! What I will say however is, it seemed that the only people in that crowded room struggling with their recovery were the ones who had been missing meetings...That is a statistic that speaks for itself!

Anyone wondering whether it is for them...Give it a shot, what do you have to lose?