My Diary of Shame

It's funny (not funny ha ha though) how synonymous the car parks are to my gambling habits of old. I have little or no reason to use them nowadays but on the rare occasion I do, Mr G usually accompanies me for the ride. Today I was about 100m from one & I did a manic laugh of "Ha, not today you don't!" I know I'm not free but I'm learning & today, my mind is smiling because instead of the knot of fear/anticipation that would normally be in my stomach, I have a smile on my face.

To those of you struggling @ the moment...Make the changes that you know you can & never give up giving up - ODAAT

Nice little post.

Keep on inspiring, smiling and learning ODAAT Q:-)

☺...confusing/challenging & ohhh...soooo difficult Coo coo coming over!

Hey - you are doing so well i sometimes feel outta league here, but...as always the pride, happiness, honesty & calm takes over 100% and i thank my stars for finding you on my not so easy journey in this life. I have learned a lot on my way, be it assessing my behaviour, taking a step back, leaving mind open for other opinions and most importantly - appreciating what i have here and now. I have many friends & only one Sesuo who i can show my all 376 sides! From genuine smiles to dragging ya by the hair through cyber space 😀 what's not to love about me huh

Keep being an inspiration girl, remember how important is to shine from the inside - it spreads around the globe! Be proud, you're doing it ☺

Tipu tapu - ODAAT 😉

A brilliant post. And one I thank you for. Sorry for the late reply I was a bit ill. But on the plus side u lost 4lb in 2 day's. I haven't had tea or have I vaped. But I'm now that hungry I may regain the 4lb by morning and that's just in cups of tea. The doctor has told me to stay off the cheese cake and double cream for a while.
(gutted)
Thanks again for the awesome post
Xx

Hi ODDAT,

I am new to the forum. Your diary is very imspirational. I'm hoping to close the door to gambling.
I came on here for a rest.

Gamblers rest.

ODAAT wrote:

It's funny (not funny ha ha though) how synonymous the car parks are to my gambling habits of old. I have little or no reason to use them nowadays but on the rare occasion I do, Mr G usually accompanies me for the ride. Today I was about 100m from one & I did a manic laugh of "Ha, not today you don't!" I know I'm not free but I'm learning & today, my mind is smiling because instead of the knot of fear/anticipation that would normally be in my stomach, I have a smile on my face.

To those of you struggling @ the moment...Make the changes that you know you can & never give up giving up - ODAAT

Nice post ODAAT. Keep the positivity up. See you on chat soon.

Hi ODAAT, I can't thank you enough for your post and your thoughts, you put so much time and effort into that post, that in it's own right will get me through the night. i have been everywhere today, counselling gamcare, phone gamcare, netline gamcare, phone to samaritans, yet i cannot get any sense or rhyme/reason to what i have done. i know i am at my rock bottom, it's going forward that frightens me, i know in days to come i will be calmer, but right now, i can't rest, relax or anything. I have spent my life advising people on how to look after their money, but i have squandered nearly all mine - i can't make sense of that - this is all a bit of a ramble - sorry i am all over the place at mo.

Hi Odaat,

Well done in your recovery. I have found your advice very useful in my own battle. I came on here for a rest from gambling.

Gamblers Rest.

Afternoon,

Many thanks for your kind post on my diary earlier. You provided some fab advice along the way which is much appreciated.

Best wishes x

thanks for your support, right now it is needed - you offer the support i need right now

Heya hope u r OK I'm on day 95 today whoop whoop!feeling better how are u doing?dizzy x

Evening Mrs D, feeling a bit lonely tonight so dropping in for some company! Daft really, I'm up for work in less than 5 hours & goodness knows how I love my sleep, it's just my pit never calls @ night time, especially when I'm on the early starts 🙁

Finally figured out what was wrong with a niggle in my shoulder, making my arm numb, turns out the trapped nerve wasn't trapped on my wing, it was in my neck & a quick visit to the Chiro was all it needed. Dur, you'd think Dr Google would have pointed that out when she diagnosed me!

Had a strange couple of days off, torturing myself like I used to about money!? Mithering about the could have beens & contemplating making them better by working some extra hours! Herein lies the proof that whatever 'burn-out' I did experience those few short months ago is still festering so why would I be considering something so completely crazy? Remortgage time, that's what! For the 1st time ever, my financial advisor isn't trying to talk me out wanting to borrow more money & instead of feeling relieved, I want to kick myself.

So today I took a shot @ healing my relationship with money with a bit of retail therapy: £2.69 for a washing line prop & a 99p cheeseburger (last of the big spenders huh?)...Not entirely successful but it was a proactive start that marginally beats taking to my bed @ 3 in the afternoon.

I have spent this evening doing inconsequential things that play on my mind & still I feel lousy (bah) so I'm now laying in bed, eating beef & onion crisps (no smokey bacon left...Anyone would think the world was conspiring against me) washed down with flavoured water (bleugh - when will someone invent a sugar replacement that doesn't taste like stop n grow?)!

Life could be so much worse, I'll take it - ODAAT

Morning Sleepless in ???? :((

Sorry to hear your in a bit of a misery mood K , I suppose we all have our moments don't we and more often that not we don't even need a reason to feel that way , maybe its the thoughts about the money again and what we could have had if we'd not taken our chosen path , don't worry we all get the flashbacks and of only moments , just beat em with a big stick and sweep em away and why o why do you want to kick yourself because your FA has given you a green light ? , I'd have thought you'd have been pleased that he had some faith in you and you should really see it as a good sign too , your a good girl now who can be trusted again :)).

Nerves are weird things aren't they, with a pain in your foot coz somethings trapped in your neck you never quite know where to look or start sometimes ?

And I know things can be tough sometimes but buying a £ 2,69 washing line and a burger from Maccy D's ??, unless of course your gonna attract Pigs with the burger and harpoon em with your washing line prop ?? but I'm sure if you hang on till morning they'll have some more smokey bacon in stock ?.

Didn't get chance to thank you for your last post before my last Gaxit ( thats Gamcare exit , by the way ) didn't last long did it , but thanks it was really kind of you :)).

Right off to see if I can get a few hours now , so I'll bid you a good night Kind lady and wish you well for tommorow .

POP's x

Morning Kelly.

Just a quick line to say hi and thank you for your recent support and this morning raising a smile twice!

Firstly we really do need to define the definition of a burger!

There's only one place in the world where said product is available and the article you refer to is an impostor.

Secondly I refered greatly to the relationship many recovering gambling addicts have with money once in recovery.

I bought an extendable paintbrush roller holder and fashioned it into a washing line prop because it was 79 pence cheaper!

I used to load a £100 into a machine every 34 seconds and watched a ball spin around a virtual wheel willing it to do nothing other than keep me in action.!

Today I believe life is about value, not just in the monetary sense but across the spectrum.

I am still prostrate, living in a tramadol haze.

Maybe once my back has recovered I could tempt you to venture to the home of all things burger lol.

Keep working within yourself.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thank you for your post odaat
Counselling is something I'm going to look into.
I need to find out why I'm like this and why I'm so easily swayed by myself. I become adapt to hiding away at home waiting for it all to blow over. I need to get out and start fighting.
Have a good one x