NEED PEOPLE... I just need people like you to be there for me right now

Hi Mate

Thanks for your post on my diary. Tomorrow is a big step for you, 100 days and smashing it!

I completely agree with the deeper malaise statement, that was so true for me. I had councelling and it really helped get to the bottom of what it was that made the bomb tick.

Wishing you all the best in your recovery|!

Matt

Morning mate. Congratulations for smashing 100 GF days. You should be proud of yourself. Welcome to the centurion club. Keep up the good work. Keep making yourself busy and you know how it works one day at a time. Here's to many more 100 days. Have a great day dude.

Well done Signalman on reaching the 100 day mark.

It has been a traumatic time for you in every respect but you have stood your ground and behaved with courage, honour and integrity.

You appreciate that it is early days in your recovery but you know that time is a great healer. By not gambling you will be able to rebuild your life and become the man, husband and father that you, your family and friends can look up to.

Patience is a virtue and recovery may sometimes seem a long way off but you must hold on to your hopes, dreams and ideals as you relentlessly go forward just one day at a time.

I raise my cup of coffee and toast a true gamcare warrior. I wish you all the courage, strength and fortitude you will need as you battle this insidious addiction....stephen

Hi Signalman,

well done on 100 days GF, that is a brilliant milestone. The journey continues, but it sounds like you have learned a lot and have grown in this time and have found a real pride in yourself again.

Keep going and keep posting.

All the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thanks all so much for your kind words and support. They give me so much hope and encouragement they really do. Words cannot express my gratitude :o)

Massive thanks to all that have taken time to look out for me and also thanks to GamCare itself for offering this platform and dedicating many hours to its management. 15 minutes after I destroyed my life through gambling I found this place and boy did I need it... It's b******t that we have to operate in this clandestine fashion in order to nurse each other through and beyond this addiction but thanks to GamCare we at least have this option. I would say loneliness and isolation is a major contributor to gambling escapades so the GamCare platform plays a crucial role in helping us to neutralise this threat.

Anyway still GF... no interest in resetting my day count any time soon. Getting INCREDIBLE support for my GA crew... I feel indestructible when I think of my crew and crewmates and how I am part of something so powerful... Probably a similar feeling to how an actual gang member feels in an actual street gang :o) sorry that's me being facetious again... :oO

Anyway more work issues to deal with today but nothing I can't handle again. Frankly I only care about what's important these days and petty things like work politics won't keep me awake at night anymore. Before they used to and... Yes you guessed it - any excuse to turn that laptop on and start punting. Address that malaise and you'll be surprised where it takes you.

Seems an apt place to leave this post today. Please keep going everyone. Most posters on my forum have been in their own way an inspiration in my life... If you're one of them (or even if you're not) bear this mind as I leave you with this Russell Brand quote for today:

"I cannot be as worthless as I sometimes feel if people around me have such trust and belief in me"

Have great weekends all x

As a CG gambling could be so easy to do again but then so hard to stop after. As someone told me it starts as a past time then ends up being part of you. Powerful stuff. Must keep reminding myself of the above every day.

That is so true. Hence we must ensure that all the blocks and guards are in place at all times. We cannot get complacent even for a second because it's so easy to slip up and undo all the hard work we've done so far. Enjoy what's left of the weekend and I hope you have a great week ahead. Take care.

Pras

Thank you Pras. Very wise words. Probably needed to hear them to be fair, a welcome reminder. Thank you.

Hi everyone

I hope everyone is well and staying on top of things. It's the first Christmas for me since turning my back on gambling - Christmas alone stresses me out, as time passes I see more and more that gambling was a primary escape from stress for me - I'd go and gamble as a way to avoid problems, the problems would still be there after gambling but my thinking was that a win would bestow me with money and good feelings to then go and tackle my problems - attack them with a spring in my step so to speak. Of course one doesn't always win and avoidance generally gets you nowhere anyway.

I'm struggling a bit - our house has been flip turned upside down due to the major work going on to repair everything after the burst pipes. I feel like a prisoner in my own home... confined to certain rooms at times. I was rude and obnoxious to the decorators on the first day - because I was stressed out, feel so ashamed and disgusted with my behaviour - have made amends since but it's interesting to track what WOULD have happened if I hadn't thrown in the towel with gambling, I have been keeping out the house now the work is in full flow and guess where I would have taken myself had I not finally accepted my problem... yes you guessed it. I'm supposed to be self-excluded from there anyway but I was in there many times after self-exclusion and they didn't seem to notice. Since entering recovery I haven't been in there of course but it plays at the back of my mind that the local could be a sanctuary if I feel I've nowhere else to take myself... Stupid thoughts really.

I should be so grateful that the insurer fast tracked the work to before Christmas because we have a little one and they wanted our house to be sorted in time, instead due my grandiose sense of entitlement all I become consumed with is how the work impacts on me and my routines and consequently behave like an a**e - not just to the workmen but to my wife as well. Then I feel like s**t and in the past this would lead me to gamble in some way, shape or form. I need to draw a line under this week and all I can do from here is acknowledge where I went wrong and work harder in the future to be pro-active in my behaviour. No-one said this was going to be an easy ride and things seem to be getting harder before they improve - I will stick it out and accept this.

I cleared out my son's toy box the other day and came across some old toys I had bought him when I had money. It dawned on me that for the proceeding years I won't be able to afford him such lavish expenses... It made me cry. I have let him down with my gambling. I spent the day with him yesterday - I have been working so much that I have been neglecting him. At the close of the day when getting ready for bed he said told me he loves me for the first time. Again it bought a tear to my eye - I will stay on this path and do my best by him, if anything just to wait patiently and hear those words again. 3 months ago I was comtemplating a disappearing act as I wondered if that was the best thing I could do for him moving forward... those 3 words were confirmation that I did the right thing sticking around... now I need to fight back, no point sticking around and twiddling thumbs. Gambling has dehumanised me to the point where I don't even feel deserving of love from anyone... but that's all part of the addiction - it thrives on low self-esteem and low self-worth. If I can remain gamble free and make a life for us then I am deserving of his love and affection. I hope people here continue to support me on this quest, I value the help and advice I have received here so much. I thank you all for my progress so far.

I wish you all well.

Hi Signal, got to be stressful for you all in the house while the work is being done, it is an intrusion on your life in your home even though you know that it’s necessary , you understand it, you know the score, you’ll be ok. Talking about the local bookies not noticing you when you used to gamble, the same thing happened to me, i used to ghost in and gamble, what i did in the end to make sure that i didn’t do it again, i went in late in the evening, took no debit cards and no cash, went to the staff at the counter and told them that i was self excluded and to tell the rest of the staff, the next day i phoned the head office customer service and told them as well, i gave my addiction no chance, i am in the driving seat and it feels good. I have in the past taken myself out of the equation, thinking that it was best for my family, it ain’t, it’s a cowards way out, too easy,, in my opinion you have done and are doing the right things , good on ya, take it easy mate. Moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman

Thanks so much Bobby. I'll take that on board. Will probably pop in the bookies over next few days and refresh my self-exclusion and really explain to them how important it is for me. I'm not sure about other bookies but in my area they don't seem to take self-exclusion that seriously, I'll make sure they take mine seriously when I go in. Thanks again, hope you're well.

Not feeling great today. Spent hours awake last night wondering why this has all happened to me and if I am strong enough to beat this and be a positive person in my family's future. Thoughts about gambling my way out of this mess...

Isolating myself more and more from friends and family. Thought I was doing really well but it's amazing how the addiction can resurface when you least expect it. Played out in my mind the scenario of leaving my family and moving away if I can't beat this addiction. I know I should be grateful for being a survivor of gambling rather than continuing to be a victim, I know I should be grateful for still having what I have in my life after the devastation... However feelings of loss, regret, hopelessness resurfacing. Maybe Christmas is stressing me out and once it's over I'll regroup.

Any words of support and/or encouragement would be much appreciated. My recovery seems to have taken an about-turn.

Hello Signalman,

I'm sorry to hear that you have not been feeling good about things. We would like to give you some support. Please feel free to call us on Our Free Helpline and speak to an adviser one-to-one on 0808 8020 133.

We could give you some emotional support and provide you with some useful information on support services and options that are available to you.

Best wishes,

Forum Admin

Hi

Thanks admin for taking time to respond to my SOS! Appreciate it ;o)

Feeling more resilient today - not sure why, maybe my stress/anxiety is linked to sleep pattern? Who knows, all I know is that I feel more resilient today, much more resilient.

Reading back my previous message, all seems a bit silly really... My quest in life is to have autonomy over gambling yet during times of weakness I STILL consider gambling as a way to alleviate whatever feelings I'm having... Knowing that I will just feel worse afterwards - win or lose.

Anyway feeling more resilient today. Need to tackle this one day at a time... Useful learning for anyone new to this... When struggling just break it down to one day at a time, or even less if that seems unmanageable.

Gambling is NOT an option for me ... Ever again... No matter how many times my mind tries to tell me that it is.

Good luck all. Stay strong :o)

Sorry to hear that man. I hope you're feeling better today. Yes, you're right gambling will never be an option for us ever again. We wouldn't have been in this mess if we hadn't gambled in the first place. Stay strong mate for yourself, the missus and the little one. I'm confident you'll overcome this difficult phase. Take care buddy.