One day at a time

1 week of not gambling. I think something has changed for me because I'm not craving to play online slots. I haven't given any thought to it at all. The past few days I haven't felt like a recovering gambler, I feel like a non gambler. I hope I stay feeling this way x

Missed yesterday so now it's 9 days of not gambling.

I just don't miss gambling at all. As it stands I don't need willpower cos there's no urges to use my willpower against.

At every previous attempt to stop gambling it has been a struggle. I've despaired of my addiction and said I need to stop but had constant thoughts of getting my next 'fix'. This time there's no despair nor constant thoughts of gambling.

I've self excluded from every site I've opened. I'm still saying no to my sons 10/5 requests. Another danger point is payday which will be Friday. I'll see how I feel then.

I hope everyone struggling with their gambling addiction could feel the way I've felt this past week. I'm virtually passing on that feeling to you all xxx

Hey magsy ,

I'm really proud of you for doing all the right thing to stop the addiction ! High five on that ! Keep up the good work And don't stop believing ! Stay happy 🙂

Sars

Dear Magsy,

you are covering many avenues with your choices, well done! Stay strong though, I think payday can be a big risk. I am right at your back on 9 days, here's to many, many more days of freedom from gambling! Thank you for sharing your journey.

Thanks for your encouragement Sars27 and Lightsout, I really appreciate it.

I'm into double gf figures today. 10 days of not gambling.

Now I haven't been gambling and my confidence is growing I've been looking forward financially and if I stick to plan my debt to my brother should be paid off by December, my visa by January and my loan in April. once they're finished I'll look at overpaying on my mortgage so instead of paying that in full in 2 years 10 months I will try and pay it in full in 2 years. This has never seemed doable before but seems totally doable now.

Yesterday was a horrid day for me. I had my 6 week check with my surgeon which lasted all of 5 minutes and he basically just discharged me and told me to see my GP for any questions or problems. I really expected more from him and came away quite crushed. But I didn't use that as an excuse to gamble.

But today has been a good day. I've seen my doctor and will going back to work tomorrow, albeit on phased hours. My son has failed his second year of university for the second time so he won't be doing the third year so won't graduate BUT today he has been for an interview and got a full time job that he starts on Monday. I'm relieved because I've been so worried about him.

Life is so much better now I'm not gambling 🙂

11 days gamble free.

Well today has been bad.

Using a cheap £1.50 fan has meant mine and my partner's iphones won't charge and I'm not even sure if a) they can be fixed and b) if they can be fixed how much it will cost. Through this I've had a blazing row with my daughter who bought the fan.

I've been to work for the first time in 47 days to arrange a phased return to work. The drive there was stressful and then when I got there I spent ten minutes sobbing in my car. After coming home, I got a call from my new team leader asking me to visit my doctor again which has stressed me further.

When my partner got home I just burst into tears and have been tearful ever since.

I've felt so low that I've just wanted to pack my job in and leave my family and be by myself because I feel I've suffered enough, especially these past 14 months. I don't think I can even do my job again.

BUT although I wanted to use the distraction of gambling to turn off my whirring confused brain, I didn't. Because I know once I've gambled then lost then just have that stress to add to all the stress I've suffered to day. It definitely helped that I'm self excluded from all my accounts, I don't have my brothers card details plus the kids had used my bank card and got me £100 overdrawn.

That's why it was so important I have previously got help from Gamcare through info and counselling and put things in place to make it harder for me to gamble.

So there it is - the one very good thing that's happened to me today is that I haven't gambled.

I'll take that as a win 🙂

13 days gamble free.

Didn't gamble on payday. Didn't gamble tonight.

It's not been a good week health wise and I've felt really down. But I haven't gambled.

Gambling may distract me from bad emotions but in the end when my money's blown it will always make me feel a hundred times worse. Best not to go there.

2 weeks gamble free.

Well done me!

Still not missing gambling. I think that's why I feel more confident that I won't gamble. Every other time I've 'quit' I never actually wanted to stop gambling, I just wanted to stop blowing my money. This time around I just don't want to gamble.

I hope this feeling lasts but either way I'm still just taking it one day at a time x

15 days of not gambling..

I've had such a c**P 7 days that I'm really proud of myself for not turning to gambling to deflect from my unhappiness, like I normally do.

Well done me!!!

16 days gambling free.

It's been a much better day today. Woke up thinking I am so sick of feeling terrible that I would take it easy. Rest must of been what I needed because my pain eased and I felt a bit better. Saw my doctor at tea time, she is really good and put my mind at rest.

I'm still not craving the online slots.

Day 17 of not gambling

Felt much better today cos have rested mostly - it's so fantastic being free of pain.

The only drawback is I'm bored n need to occupy my mind. I idly thought of playing free online slots but didn't cos I know if I did then I would want to gamble with my money. I want to stick to my 2 years 10 month plan cos looking forward to being debt and mortgage free. Am going to see how many days that will be.

But still going to take it one day at a time x

Today is day 19 gamble free.

It's amazing. I'm looking forward to reaching milestones now not so much day by day. My next milestone is day 43 which will be a full calendar month of not gambling. Back in the distance is 1st day, then first week and last one was first payday of not gambling.

I don't have any urge to gamble. When I see an advert on the TV or my son gives me his 10/5 offer, I just think no way, I'm not giving you my time and money just for you and your shareholders to get richer and me get poorer and full of self loathing. And I feel sad and sorry for the punters who will be drawn in.

Anyway, I'd rather play Wordbrain, lol.

Magsy

reading your diary is giving me great hope. Your story is very similar to mine. I'm so admiring of your honesty.

Keep up the good work and keep posting, your inspiring me and no doubt many others.

Gail

Today will be 3 weeks and 1 day of not gambling - that's 22 days gamble free.

I am so very proud of myself. And it's a lovely feeling. Normally I'll be looking at my bank balance and loathing myself for being so weak willed and also readjusting my calculations to become gambling debt free, but today I'm just giving myself a pat on the back for staying on track and not adding to the gambling debt.

Thanks gailyt39 for your lovely comment xx.

I have to be honest that when I told myself I wouldn't gamble again on 18th June I had a feeling that it would be like all the other times I said I wouldn't gamble anymore - where my resolve would last all of an hour. I have been addicted to gambling for about 5 years now. Today's Facebook memory from 2013 mentions a bingo win I had on this day 4 years ago. I joined Gamcare in Feb 2014.

That's a minimum of 60 gambling sessions spent spending more money than I could afford and some sessions lasting a straight 8 hours. It's more likely over 300 gambling sessions. The vast majority of which I've come away from full of shame and self loathing.

BUT also along the way I've educated myself about problem gambling, I've sought help from Gamcare via netline, received 2 lots of free counselling from NECA arranged via Gamcare, I've read other people's diaries/experiences on Gamcare and elsewhere, I've commented on forums, I've asked my family for help, I've set deposit limits on sites, I've self excluded from sites, I've budgeted to clear gambling debts, I've used gambling blocking products on my computer.

There's lots of help out there for us problem gamblers and all the strategies we have learnt and used in the past may not cause us to stop gambling today but in days or months or years time something will click and our minds will say no more gambling and mean it.

That's why I will never give up on giving up. Even if I relapse tomorrow I'll just keep this diary and start again on my recovery journey.

As I said at the beginning, I'm so very proud of myself and it's lovely feeling that way instead of full of self loathing.

Aww Magsy..massive well done to you! Keep at it.

Day 5 for me, struggling a bit, hubby at work and I'm on holiday, so time to spare as such.

Got kids here though, so we have made a jar of activities so "games day" today! This is a win win for us all. No phones/Xbox/pc etc. Just good old fashioned "family time" x